It was my birthday recently and my MIL gave me a card that read,
'You make my son happy, that's good enough for me'
She's had trouble liking me for 20 years because when 'her' son and I became a team, I already had kids . I also own my own business but she always had in her head, I was after his money.
I made more than him then and I still do. So no, I'm not after his money. She's always bloody condescending, and then this on my card.
What about just 'happy birthday'. Why make it about 'her' son .
To me it sounded like 'I only like you because my son does'.
Why not put his name to soften the blow at least? Instead she puts 'my son'.
Just yet another one of her digs that I've spent 20 years hearing. Maybe it's time I stop smiling sweetly and start sticking up for myself.
6 Replies
Got to love a passive aggressive MIL. I play oblivious to it, it really annoys them when their efforts go unnoticed. When you carry on and get upset that's when they start playing victim and use it against you.
My mum just stopped being involved with visits to my grandparents. She went very low contact.
I personally think she made the right decision. I’d probably do the same.
The only time she saw them was at large family gatherings where she didn’t have to interact with them.
I love this idea. I'm definitely going to do this ! Thank you .
I had a MIL like this x1000 (she was aggressively, verbally abusive at times).
I decided that I didn't respect her (or FIL or SIL) so didn't care what they thought. I accepted they'd never be what I wanted. I made zero effort and for 20 years have only turned up when unavoidable and for my kids' sake only. Then I'm polite and would have an internal eye roll or was just amused by MIL's attempts to dig at me or FIL & SIL's to look down on me.
This calm approach has been freeing. Not engaging, not making the effort, drove MIL nuts. For me it meant she had no power over me at all. A much better way than matching her nasty with nasty.
In the end, my IL's have paid the heaviest price. They only saw the kids when MIL harassed my husband to see them (she started having to call and say they were turning into our street to see them - I always had an urgent errand just then). She passed a couple of years ago and now FIL is lonely, and very meek. Sadly, if they'd been a little nicer I'd have done anything for them and even visited FIL with the kids after school (he lives right by it) or taken him to appointments, etc. But I won't and believe me it was a hell no! to the suggestion FIL lives with us!
I actually think it's her way of saying she accepts and appreciates you? Maybe you are interpreting it differently to her intent?
You put a smile on your face, look at her in her eyes and ask her what she meant by that. And watch her squirm her way out of that one.