Not children but grown family
I have an older sister (a lot older than me) that has become very toxic to me ever since I've had children and stopped dedicating my life to her and her children.
My parents have a holiday house up the coast, and she and her family, plus my brother and his friends have been holidaying there over new years for the past 10 years.
Prior to that, I went there for new years with my parents, as a single child as they were much older and didn't holiday with parents. Which is how the holiday house came about, completely owned by my parents. It's a special spot for everyone.
I've been up with my sister and brother at times prior to me having kids.
Since having kids, I want to now make it our regular new years / Christmas holiday.
She has said we aren't allowed.
We aren't allowed at my family home.
We aren't allowed in the small holiday town it is in.
At all.
We aren't allowed to hire a seperate house and just cross paths. (These are people who I have grown up with)
It will ruin her families holiday if she sees us.
Quote 'I don't want your kids on my kids f'ing hips in the surf'
Over the past 3 years we have made plans that we haven't really wanted to do to make her happy, but we are sick of it and want to book another house (mind you she gets discounted rates at my parents AMAZING holiday house that's one of the best in town)
It's causing my elderly parents stress, as she basically will blow up the family and have nothing to do with them or me, unless she gets her way.
Yes there are other coastal towns. But why should we have to find somewhere else, when this is a special place to us all.
We have other friends who go there who have small kids like ours.
How can I possibly move on from this. Or move forward. But also how to deal with this absolutely unbelievably hurtful and toxic environment.
7 Replies
They need to put the price up for her. What a rude, selfish cow! the words, I don’t want your kids on my hips 😡 what kind of auntie would say such a thing. She sounds like she is bitter and jealous of you for some reason. Maybe she is envious of your life and your kids. Turn up there before new years and stay. Tell her they are welcome to stay too but it’s time you took turns now and swap it out every other year. You are absolutely right, you should be able to use the family holiday home just as much as her. This isn’t even about the home, this is about her attitude towards you and your family. You are not shit! She is no better than you or anyone else and you need to put your foot down, for your sake and your parents. If she goes up a week before Xmas, you go a few days before that and set up. Tell her and also if she turns up and causing a drama, call the police and get an avo , that will keep her away. Can’t stand selfish people! Sounds like your kids are better off without her in their lives. She is awful!
Maybe she doesn’t want you in the town because she has made the locals believe it’s her holiday house. She sounds like a bitch. Put a stop to it by going there and make it clear that this isn’t her house.
She doesn't own the town or the holiday situation. Just go. I think we get so used to someone calling the shots we just let them do it. Your parents are the ones with the upper hand here, they are the ones that own the property your sister shouldn't be telling who is staying where.
Many families have 'that' bitch.
Toe the line and let her go on thinking she's queen shit.
Or fuck up her reign and let her know in no uncertain terms she is not the boss.
It will take some serious repercussions to get the point across and the longer you all pussyfoot around it the longer it'll go on, and it just teaches her kids that that's how you get on in life so if you all argue 'what about the kids?', better to teach them that you won't be walked over by anyone - family or not.
Just go, what exactly can she do??
Maybe your parents should put it up for sale?
If she wants it so bad, she can paid for it.
I would just make plans and go. It is not only hers it is for you all
Just a word of advice, because this is something my family has been dealing with lately…
If she is an executor of your parents Will, she has complete control over distribution of sentimental property. Money is distributed according to Will, but anything outside of money she will have complete say over who gets what and how things happen.
Hopefully you are also an executor. Good luck.
If your parents don’t step in now to pull her up on her behaviour, good luck when they are gone.