Hi Mummas,
If I could ask for some advice… I think I have developed romantic feelings for my best friend. We are in constant contact and I genuinely miss her when I’m not with her. She makes me genuinely happy and I feel like a better person just having her around.
It’s complicated by the fact that I’ve only ever identified as straight and am married. My hubby’s a great guy. I don’t want to hurt him. I clearly adore my best friend (she’s single and seems to identify as straight but has made some interesting comments from time to time which could say otherwise). We both have kids.
I’m not sure what to do, I can’t talk to anyone about it. It’ll hurt hubby to know I have these feelings, I don’t want to scare my best friend away or change our relationship either. What if my feelings are wrong? Maybe it’s just a genuine best friend love?
So far I’ve just tried to ignore the feelings but they just won’t go away, it’s so hard to hide them. Hiding them from hubby, hiding them from my best friend. I think something has to give at some point, I can’t keep feeling this way forever.
Any advice please 🙏
4 Replies
I think you need to have less contact with her for a while. Is it just the attention from her that you like? Maybe you miss having that with her husband due to kids and busy lives or you genuinely look at her and could go there. I think you need to keep space from her and see how you feel in a few months. a family member of mine left her Husband and is very happy with a female now but I can see the affects it has had on the kids. It also came out of no where. We were very shocked but now everyone is one happy family and it’s accepted from her Husband who has a new wife and they all get on very well. Not all will end well like this though.
I know someone who had this happen. Started developing strong emotions around a female friend. She did not act on it though and eventually they faded and her marriage lasted. When we come across situations like this we ask what is missing in your marriage? Because it's usually something we start seeking from elsewhere. Perhaps it's validation, or that spark, lust, or the laughs? Ask yourself what it is and then try to find a way to reignite that in your marriage. Refocus on that for a while and reduce a little of that focus on her. You need to know that you tried everything to save your marriage first
It probably won’t help in the long run but I’d initiate a threesome.
Please go and talk to some one, especially a councilor that specializes in LGBTQIA+ issues. I have recently come out to my husband in my mid 40’s and it has been hard but he can now honestly see how happy I am in my own skin.
There may be questions to ask yourself:
- is there anything lacking in my marriage?
- how is my friend fulfilling that need?
- am I genuinely attracted to women?
I know it’s a scary thought, but you would be so surprised the amount of women that come out later in life after being married and having children…..the joys of compulsory heterosexuality.
I wish you all the happiness and healing through this journey.