I have depression and the medication I am on affects my libido. As in it isn't often there!
I have been open and honest with my partner about this, but he still mentions sex alot. I feel like I am being pressured? He will tell me how beautiful I am and what I do to him then make me feel how hard he has gotten. It makes me feel so uncomfortable and pressured that often I just give in and have sex. How can I make him understand that I just sometimes don't want to? I struggle with life on a daily basis and things that he does makes me feel like a worser person. He says he is only human and a man with needs who goes "too long between drinks" .
Supportive Partner?
Supportive Partner?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
7 Replies
This is absolutely "pressuring you without pressuring you". He's not demanding it, he's just purposely making you feel like you *should* give in and have sex with him. It's called coersion and it's illegal.
You are 100% allowed to say "no". Just. No.
All you can do is explain to him how the medication has flattened your libido (for now) and tell him how you feel when he pressures you like this.
Even with all of the education, media, #metoo, etc around body autonomy, a lot of men particularly (and some women) still feel that giving sex in a relationship is an expectation.
It shouldn't be. It's a part of most relationships, and important to a lot of people, but it's nobody's right.
Even my own partner, who is mostly amazing, has had issues with this. He never pressures me for sex, but definitely has expressed frustration when I've had medical issues and there's been a big dry spell.
I said "imagine walking up to a complete stranger on the street, grabbing her hand and putting it on your crotch, and telling her how horny you are. You'd never even dream of doing that, right? So why does that stranger get more repect than me?"
And he was floored. And yes, had to change his way of thinking.
On the other hand, if your partner can't cope in a relationship with less sex than he would like, then that's his choice as to staying or going. If sex is more important to him than a stable, loving relationship, then that's his decision to make 🤷♀️
I agree with most of what you said but the part about a stranger?
I wouldn't walk up to a stranger and tell them all my personal business, that I love them, give them a hug or kiss on the forehead either, your logic is a bit floored there.
It isn't about respect, but more comfort levels and what's acceptable.
An intimate relationship is just that, intimate, and it can't be compared with a relationship with a stranger.
Look up the definition of "intimate".
If you want to drive home the important point of body autonomy and no one has the right to sex, drop that ridiculous example, or people aren't going to take you serious.
Just give him a handy with a blowy. Improvise . If you're not feeling up for actual sex , then he should be grateful for you for offering some other options . He shouldn't miss out entirely.
He shouldn’t miss out entirely? Seriously? He can just have a wank himself!!!!
You don’t get the point of her post. When you have no libido you don’t want to do ANYTHING sexual. no man ever owns an woman and has to always be pleasured by her because that’s his right.
I'm sorry, what???
HE HAS HIS OWN F*CKING HAND TOO!
He is not supportive at all. If he’s committed and supportive of you he’ll be with you though the good and bad. This is a rough patch he needs to be supportive of not make you feel pressured like he has a god given right to be pleasured by his wife. Ew. He can pleasure himself.
His position is not particularly supportive mature. What he probably should be saying is I support you 100% but I want and need you.
If you know that you are not into it, can you make an effort so he still feels wanted. Men and women are wired so differently, men need physical intimacy to feel wanted and connected, women need mental and emotional connection to be i to intimacy. it takes 2 to communicate and find a place that all are satisfied. If you need these meds for life how is this going to work? Time to discuss how you both can meet each others needs.