I am absolutely 100% unhappy in my marriage. So much has happened over the years. Emotional abuse, explosive fights … etc. my children see how unhappy I am and I just want peace in my life. I have absolutely no connection with him and avoid sex. He tells me it’s his right as a married man to have sex with his wife. So, a couple of times a week we do it. And I cry to myself or think other things in my mind to get through it.
I know none of this is normal. And I really just need to leave. My husband tells me I am being selfish and I should be putting the kids first and staying. I’m telling him I am putting the kids first because I don’t want them growing up in a toxic home environment or thinking this type of relationship is normal. On top of that, I want them to learn that if they are unhappy, they need to make a change. Not to live their life unhappy to please others.
I guess I’m after validation that I’m doing the right thing. He has already made threats that if another man ever enters my new home with my kids inside (when I leave) that “you’ll watch what I’ll do”
Also our money has never been joint (after 20 years) and I have $2000 to my name. I have no idea how I’ll rebuild my life
Please give me guidance in all of this. I’m an absolute mess.
6 Replies
You are right this is not normal and you need to stop having sec with him if you want to end this and it makes you that sick. Don’t do anything that you don’t want to do, ever! When you cry because of it, you shouldn’t be doing it.who cares what he thinks and no it isn’t his right.
Once you find a place, set yourself
Up and don’t allow him to step foot in your home. The treats of another man, take that when it happens and have things put in place but that is a long way off. Just focus on getting some more money together and getting out asap.
You aren’t selfish at all. start buying bits and pieces that you need for a new home or pack bits and pieces. Get all the documents and kids birth certificates etc all together first.
Oh no, this is bad. Make your plan and go. Find a rental, and call the police at the first sign of aggression or crossing boundaries in your new place. He doesn’t have any right to it or to you. Don’t be scared of him, he’s all talk and threats - keep your eye on the goal, you’ll be free of him.
This is not normal at all. Sex should be enjoyable with both adults consenting. If you don't want it and he is guilting you into it so much so that you are crying , he is raping you. After I had my second child I had zero libido for 2 years. Yes 2 years! Not once did my husband try to guilt me into it. He respected my boundaries until I was ready again and wait out those 2 years. I'm so sorry that you are going through this. There are much better fish in the sea. I promise you that. You and your children deserve better. If your daughter told you this was happening to her, think what you would say to her. There is your answer.
Sending lots of love your way mumma. You can do this 💗
Please leave. As fast as you can. This man, if you can even call it that, is abusing you in more ways than one. What an utter pig of a man. Makes me sick he thinks he can treat you like that. It is NOT his right to have sex with you just because your married! 😡 I used to work in a prison, and one of the inmates was angry because he reckons he didn’t deserve to be in jail because “it wasn’t rape, because she was my wife!!” Pig. This is your husband. Please show you children how a strong independent woman reacts to being treated like this. Leave FOR the kids. Don’t stay.
You are completely correct that you need to be the example for your kids. It doesn’t matter if you’ve never had joint money, at least half of what he has is yours to support the kids. Get legal advice ASAP and get out. You are being abused emotionally, sexually and financially so contact the organisations that can help you and access some counselling. You’ve got this
This is my life right now 😭