Long... Petty mispronunciation of names, need ideas to combat this problem.

This might sound petty, long winded and over the top but it's annoying me to death.

For most of my life, my mother deliberately mispronounced names of people she didn't like. She is corrected politely every single time and repeats it back with some scornful attitude. It is very clear that she does this on purpose but when that person is right there, she will pronounce their name appropriately.

I do have speech issues associated with hearing loss and I understand that frustration of not being able to get your words out. BUT this is beyond that.

I have in the past corrected her for mocking my pronunciation of certain words by saying "I don't make fun of you and how you say things so please respect me and not imitate my verbal skills." She, in turn, whines that I have done the same, in which I have called her on it and told her that's a flat out lie and I would never do that to anyone. It shuts down that behaviour quickly.

Now, we all have friends growing up that our parents don't approve of. My mother alienates people in passive aggressive ways and gaslights people frequently. She has caused chaos and drama in all areas to get what she wants and has never come out and been straight forward in what she wants so things can be resolved immediately. It is a constant long drawn out drama that she orchestrates by her whim and when she's satisfied, she ends it on her terms. That's normally her cutting people off and calling them toxic when they're reacting to her behaviour.

So Marissa would become Melissa or "whatever her name is" Lisa would become Alissa or "that naughty girl with mental health problems." I stopped bringing friends or having friends because of her. She was completely judgemental on physical appearances. I pointed our some girls who would bully me and she would say "they look like lovely, nice girls. I don't think they're bullying you."

Ok, so now at the present.

She's into the Harry drama. My sister, parents and I are drinking coffee outside and talking about variety of things. DS has a friend who my mother doesn't like. Mum can say some pretty racist comments which we have all pulled her up for. She can also say some horrible things about women, too. Example, she once said because I wasn't beaten up my sexual assault wasn't that bad and I wrecked my life because of it. Implying I asked for it.

My teen has identified how terrible her attitude is and they've had some heated arguments. The last one I made it clear if she ever behaves like this again and can't respect him, then she will not be welcome to have a relationship on any terms. I pointed out that she already has a poor relationship with me to the point I don't discuss anything with her and her other daughter doesn't see her unless Dad is there and has only bought their child around a handful of times. I said one more outburst and you'll never see your daughter or grandchildren again. She blamed her middle daughter for causing the outburst. When I challenged that by saying "you chose how to react and the consequences. Your daughter had the nerve to defend your teenage grandchild's opinion who dared to ask you to stop and you did not like it. It is not always about you but you need to think before you react and cope with the consequences of your actions."

So when my teen got a job, we were all excited as you should be. My teens friends also work there and one in particular she doesn't like.

She thinks he is slow and holding her grand child back. 🙄 No, academically my teen needs assistance with certain things and if they apply themselves, great things happen. So I'd one child inspires the other, that can make a huge impact. My teens friend is mixed race, has a sibling with high needs and doesn't have the encouragement at home my teen does. I happily take both teens to lunch when they are visiting my job, and the friend has shown some very bright concepts and makes me believe because of his environment, he is very mature. This friend has also told my teen that they're lucky to have a mom like me who cares because he has to find a job to contribute to his family but they won't help because they believe welfare pays more and he doesn't want that so when I've helped making resumes, he has asked to copy my teens layout to apply for jobs.

So now this mixed raced, slow, welfare/DHS kid is on my mother's shitlist to not only scornfully mispronounce his name but go further in front of my child saying "I don't mind your friend, he is welcome to come after school... blah blah blah" which we all know won't happen.

Anyway, the Harry stuff came up, and my sister and I decided to stop the conspiracy theory and blatant nasty comments she thrives off with "not our circle now our monkeys." She then asked when my teen is rostered on next to which I tried to explain several times before that they haven't been told yet. She then brought up the friend saying my teen was talking to him and then rattled through the series of names which she scoffs our and makes no attempt to hide her attitude. She has known this kid for 5 years, like I said, to his face, never a mispronunciation. This child is always polite and addresses her as Mrs XXX and genuinely is interested in her. But behind his back...

So we corrected her again, politely and she continued on. The topic went back to Oprah and she started mispronounced her name deliberately knowing it was wrong and mocking her. My sister knew I was annoyed and said "Mom, you really need to make an effort to say people's names correctly because it's rude."

I then looked at Mom, who looked at me for support because she bags her out with defamatory comments attacking her person consistently when things don't go her way and wanted to use this as an example she could have later to manipulate. I then said "Yes, Mom. You've done similar to me the entire time with people who you don't like. It's OK to make a mistake and genuinely mispronounce words and names on occasion, but you do this deliberately to people who you don't like and feel are beneath you, that includes your grand child's friend and friends of mine you didn't like."

She looked at us and me like I punched her heart through to the next room and victimised her... because, yes, yet again, she's a victim. I then said "you don't need to get upset and storm off because of this but I feel this needs to be addressed."

Well, she go up in a huff and walked off. I don't chase people and ask if they're OK which is what she wants. Instead, she went into the kitchen, washed every single dish up by hand which she never does and was clearly preforming to an audience which wasn't interested.

Does anyone have anything to add with similar experiences that I can possibly change in my technique to deal with this in the future? It would be great to gain some insight into what methods I can develop in order to combat this. This is really doing my head in.