The other day my husband and I were in the car and he was telling me about his conversation with his friend about him and I having another child soon. I was completely thrown off. I had explained to him in the past that I will not be having another child until our marriage is figure out and on the path to healing. We are not there yet- although it has improved in someways, we are not functioning in a loving and healthy way.
Then a couple days later we got drunk, and during sex he said he “wants to put a baby in me”. (Im on birth control, so I wasn’t worried, but it was weird)
I’m irritated that he would even be considering another child. I think it’s irresponsible to consider bringing another child into the world, especially if our foundation isn’t stable. No, we’re not on the brink of divorce, but we’re also not setting the example we want to set for our child now.
I’m wondering if he thinks a baby would bring us closer or something? So weird and Im not sure what to think about it.
6 Replies
Maybe he’s using ‘ready for a baby’ as the benchmark to see if you think your marriage is good yet? I also think not a good idea to use that as a marker because if you’re waiting until you’re happy with him to have a baby, then pretty much as soon as you decide you’re happy then you’re going to go and throw everything into high hormones and pressure again. I’d probably separate the two. Plan a timeline for having a baby, make a plan for getting back on track with a shorter deadline - 3 to 6 months if there’s no external reason like working away or living with MIL etc. If you’re still not functioning well together after your set time and effort then you’ll have to sit down and have a difficult talk about your future.
Yes he’s using that to keep you where you are
Some possible reasons without knowing the full story:
He probably thinks it will be a distraction from whatever you're "healing" from or potentially hurry up the "healing process".
Also, he knows you won't leave him if you have a baby (well not for a few years anyway), if that option was ever on the table for you.
My guess, somewhere along the line he's gotten the idea in his head that a baby solves all your problems. I wonder if that's possibly some misguided advice he got from said friend 🤔
Just know, that mindset is both lazy and manipulative.
My ex father in law's marital advice pretty much entirely consisted of that. I can distinctly remember him saying things like "If you're in the dog house, just knock your missus up. That keeps chicks happy" which would almost be comical if he wasn't deadly serious and also taken seriously by the advice recipients.
I suppose it's also possible (if still very unlikely) that your hubby is further along the healing process than you are and simply wants to have another child. That does NOT mean you have to concede, in fact you've explicitly told him you're not ready yet, so he still needs to drop it even if his intentions are pure.
So many people think having a baby will fix a broken relationship. So stupid.
He thinks another baby will stop you leaving.