I’ve been seeing a guy for a year. We were set up to meet by his mother and his sister-in-law. We hit off straight away and he was always pursuing me - I held him at arm’s length for awhile to build trust. I was very honest and upfront about what I want and my values. I would tell him honestly how I felt and he would meet my needs consistently. Everyone knew were were seeing each other. It was a fun and happy time for us.
He has a child to another woman, who his own family and friends don’t like (for their own reasons) and also including things she did to him. I didn’t pass judgement or question the situation too much out of respect for their privacy - as far as I knew, they haven’t been together since before we met and had no plans to get back together, which was a a year and a bit ago. They were sorting out their arrangement regarding their child, which wasn’t without toxic moments.
Recently he was away for work but calling, saying he loved me, missed me and wanted to move forward with me. Then he texted and said he needed time for his mental health. Then apparently he took off with suicidal thoughts - his mum and friends contacted me, I went and saw him straight away for this reason (I would’ve had regrets if something bad had happened etc). He said he was having a hard time and missed his family - I think Christmas and a few other factors spiked this emotional roller-coaster for him. Now it seems like overnight, he’s cut me off - and is pursuing his ex to connect with his child more. His family and friends are confused and feel sad for me, so am I. I’m also feeling really hurt and disrespected.
I know I need to move on. I’m just sad that I was treated this way and was looking for some reassurance or advice on this. I really tried to do the right things and do right by him. I feel really blindsided.
5 Replies
Oh run away from this mess. His mum and sister sound like they care for him but are complete enablers. You’d learn a lot speaking to his ex I think. And you don’t run to someone with suicidal thoughts - it’s telling that they all called you to do exactly that. they should have taken him to hospital or called an ambulance. His mental health is his alone to deal with. I’d say this is his life, long term, it’s a mess.
How long was he broken up before you got together?
Sounds like you were a rebound.
Never get together with someone fresh out of a relationship, because you are simply there as a distraction/diversion until they are healed, whether they return to ex or realise they need to be single for a while.
Never place any weight on what family think, most adults don't consider their mother/sister when making life decisions.
So sorry this happened to you, but when he comes running back because ex rejected him, please don't take him back.
Don't settle for being second prize, you deserve better.
Hate to say it but sounds like he wasn't ready to move on to begin with and his family stuck their nose in and set him up with you so he wouldn't go back to his ex who they don't like. You were the "keep him away from her" girl. Cut your ties and be glad it's over or you would have had to deal with meddling inlaws when they got sick of you too.
Don’t think of this as sad. Think of it as a blessing in disguise. He isn’t meant for you and you aren’t there for when it suits him. Cut him off and move on as hard as it is and as hurt as you are. Sounds like he has done you a favour in the long run.
Girl, buy yourself a big tub of your favourite ice cream, queue up your favourite soppy movies and run yourself a hot bath, put your best friends number on speed dial.
Feel ALL the feelings. There's nothing wrong with feeling pain, sure it hurts but you WLL come out stronger and wiser.
Be kind to yourself for a while, know it's not you, it's him, and wave his fucked up ass goodbye for good.
You'll be good, in time, I promise.