Hey mumma's, something happened last night and I'm not to sure how to deal with the fall out of that and my own feelings as well.
I went against court orders and took my 7 year old son from his father 2 years ago after finding out himself and his girlfriend have a drinking problem. It's wasn't just a drinking problem though there was an abuse as well! When they both got intoxicated they treated my son very poorly, hit him, swore at him, threw things at him, said nasty things about him to him, drove drunk with him in the car, punished him by locking him in his room for hours without food or water, one time his father girlfriend dragged him by his ear from one end of the house to the other, another time my son was forced to soil himself after not being allowed to go to the toilet and the words "disgusting pig" and "look what you've done, you're a filthy little boy" came out of one of their mouths! This is only what I know as well, I couldn't listen to the other half of it when I was told by DHHS, my son and his 14 yr old brother because I myself have dealt with physical and verbal abuse from his father and found it hard to listen too which is why I left 5 years ago.
I've delt with alot of ptsd issues around it and my son has been diagnosed with ptsd and anxeity ontop of his ADHD and Autism.
Yesterday I took my son to my ex mother inlaws house so my son could see her and his grandfather for Christmas before they went away. I have a good relationship with her and her husband and they dont have really anything to do with my son's father because of everything thats happened. She was telling me that she took a present to my sons fathers workplace for his step daughter and tried to leave it with reception but accidentally ran into him which didn't end well. Come time to pick my son up after dinner we were chatting and my son was showing me the telescope they had brought him, he was so excited and happy! Next minute my ex mother inlaw got a phone call and shes answered it putting it on loud speaker not realising it was actually my sons father!!! His father started abusing the living hell out of her in ear shot of my son, you could tell he was intoxicated, she immediately hung up! My son FREAKED out!! He climbed up me like a cat, pinching my skin and started crying and shaking like a leaf! I have never in my life seen my son like this!! He was terrified of his father's voice. My ex mother inlaw apologies profusely and her and her husband tried really hard to help me calm my son down, it ended up being too much for him and I had to leave but now I have to deal with a huge fall out because of it! My son couldn't sleep in his own bed last night, he was terrified to go to the toilet without me and had to turn all the lights on in the house just to walk from my room to the kitchen to get a snack. After managing to get my son to sleep my own brain has consistantly switched from anger to terror all night and I just couldn't sleep, I still feel so anxious around hearing his voice myself after 5-6 years I can't imagine what my son is feeling! Now I'm freaking out about how my sons going to react over the next few weeks because last time anything like this happened it took me a very long time to get my son down from such a heightened state.
Is there any words or things you guys could think of that might be able to assist with calming him? He can blow up in huge anger bursts which are extremely difficult for me to bring him down from. In the past I have just let him know that his father is an adult and he makes his own decisions, I tell him that although it is upsetting he really just needs to be a kid and let his dad figure out his own demons, I tell him I love him so very much and that his sister, him and I are a family unit, we are going to take on the world and come out on top like the little King and Queen him and my daughter are, but I don't know if that's enough now.
8 Replies
Poor baby đ. This is so sad! What horrible people, disgusting. Does he have a dog? I really do think they work wonders for anxiety and mental health. Let him take it to bed with him and do most of the caring so it gives him something to focus on while feeling protected and less lonely.
He has a cat and she follows him around and puts up with him smothering her and carrying her around but she helps alot
You ask him what boundaries he wants to set. It sounds a bit dangerous going to his parents house, especially when MIL is still in close contact with him. She does sound supportive I grant that, but she mentioned him twice in one visit and took one call and âaccidentallyâ put him on speaker in front of you all, that really is not as careful as you all deserve, and at the end of the day, look what happened.
I feel as her being a mother herself it's hard for her to let go especially when she has so many grand babies she wants to keep in touch with. She is a bit of an air head so I don't think she means anything malicious by it but she is in a difficult position accepting what he own child did to her grand children, she dosent sound support at that point in time but she really is. I'm just worried about my son mainly, he's going to have to deal with it eventually but not at 7 obviously
Yes exactly, your son is your concern. Itâs nice of you to be understanding of her problems, but you need to decide if the boundaries you have in place with this woman are good enough to protect your son and put him first.
Does he have professional support?
I think this requires more than just a few words or any advice we can give on here.
He needs ongoing professional mental health support.
Sending light and love.
Please take him to a child psychologist asap. Ask the Dr for a care plan. They will help him and the sooner the better because he will need this help long term. The poor boy.
Weighted blanket or toy, a new âgrown upâ night light and gp for a mental health care plan. Maybe a little camp bed next to mum for a couple of weeks. Does he have ndis funding?