Hi! My daughter is heading to high school next year, problem is, she still believes in Santa. How is a gentle way to tell her he isn’t real? I know it is going to break her heart when she finds out but over time it will heal. I am scared she will be bullied/ picked on if she goes to school still believing. My son found out by accident but has been playing along for the past few years.
13 Replies
She probably has figured it out and just playing along. I've never told my kids that Santa is not real and my eldest child is now 23 so I hope he knows that Santa isn't real 😂. If she really doesn't know I would tell her now, if you have younger children get her to help with putting the presents out and doing the behind the scenes Santa stuff. All of that is still kind of magical and exciting, knowing that you're helping to make kids Christmas something to remember and watching their excitement on Christmas morning. I would say something like, hey you do know who the real Santa is, don't you? And then follow her lead. If you don't have younger kids for her to still feel the magic of Christmas then maybe it's better to wait until after Christmas day.
I just said to mine, ‘you know why the tooth fairy hasn’t come and got those teeth?’ And she said yeah I know you’re the tooth fairy. And then at Christmas she still wasn’t going to let on, so I said, you know why the elves didn’t do a trick last night? And she said because you do the elves! And I said, yes and I was meaning to ask you if you wanted to do it this year, and she whipped out her iPad and showed me all the ideas she had ready. But she wasn’t going to let on to me that she really new until I opened that conversation.
If she didn’t jump in then I planned on just gently confirming that it’s because I’m the one that does it. I’m sure they all know by now, or have at least heard kids saying it and considered it. All you have to do is confirm it and give her ‘permission’ to grow up. I think that’s the nice part about it, once you let them in on it, you can involve them with a lot more of the Christmas planning from the grown up side of it.
I thought the same with my son but I’m sure he knows and he just hasn’t confirmed it and I wouldn’t tell him. My youngest said kids tell her all the time he’s not real, so I’m sure your daughter would know. Keep playing along. It’s only not real when the parents take away that magic. They already know it’s not real. My kids are 15 and 13 and still speak of Santa. They love xmas and still get a Santa photo for me. They might say different with their friends but not for me. I’m happy to keep going with it forever. Don’t worry about it. There is also a thing called Google, she’s prob googled it too and going along with it.
I told mine if you don't believe, you don't receive lol. They are all teenagers and roll their eyes and groan at me but I still say it 😆 All of mine found out as the teachers usually make a point of telling them in year 6. Are you sure the teacher or classmates have not already told her? My plan was to go over the real story of St Nicholas and how special it was
I knew, but didn’t say anything to my mum. Kids definitely talk about it A LOT at school.
I’d be very surprised if she truly believes, and has no doubts.
I’d make some mistakes this Xmas. Wrap your gifts with the same paper Santa uses etc, make it a bit obvious.
If you really need to say something, I’d pose it as a question. What does she think of Santa? Encourage critical thinking skills.
If you must tell her because she really does believe, get her involved in playing Santa. As we grow up we get the honour of playing Santa for younger people, We got the fun of filling my parents Xmas stockings with gag gifts. I’m sure it’s was more hilarious for us, than our parents.
Santa IS real. You're Santa .
Even as a kid in the 80's kids were making fun of other kids for believing in Santa after about year 2 or maybe even earlier. We all definitely knew and today's kids are even more onto this with the internet at their fingertips google, chats, seeing extra parcels rock up at the door which never happened in the 80s it was all done discreetly while we were at school or at someone's house. It's harder to hide things now.
But some children are people pleasers - they keep on pretending because they’ve probably asked you and before now youve reinforced that he is, and you keep doing all the routine, so they pick up that ‘Mum wants me to believe’. Some kids need that nod from parents that it’s ok to admit it.
I'm sure she knows and doesn't want to say anything to you. She's probably just doing it for your sake. My eldest knew before he was 9. Kids at school talk. He's playing along for the 4yo though.
My kids are older now but this is why I never felt great about doing the whole Santa thing. In no other circumstance would we go out of our way to make our kids believe in something or someone we know doesn't exist.
That aside, don't just assume she knows the deal. I mean, she probably does deep down but I have known some kids who just couldn't let go of that genuine belief, despite being ridiculed or being told the truth by their classmates because (circling back to my original point here) why would their parents lie to them?
I feel like a gentle chat about it is probably warranted. Some people like to do that by talking about Saint Nick the person, some people like to explain it as though we all embody the "spirit" of Santa. Personally, I just went with the truth with my kids which worked for us because we never went hard with the Santa belief and he only ever delivered nick nacks or chocolate. My kids were already kind of using their logic skills to put two and two together as well, so they weren't really perturbed by this revelation.
Same I never discouraged logical thinking and questions. There is an age in development where they stop believing in magical things, I think encouraging the whole story is real when they’re beyond that is not fair on them.
11 year old Me: why are you pretending still? You know santa isn't real!
8 year old sister: shut up! Dont let mum hear. If you pretend you get more presents!
So yeah...I'm sure she knows 🤣
I explained to my kids that Santa is real, he is the magic of Christmas but mums and dads do the work of Santa. 20y/o and 17y/o still put their stockings out and remain excited for the magic. 10y/o is yet to have the conversation but is still very much a believer. Christmas is a big deal here so the magic is well and truly still alive