My kids go to their dads every other weekend.
On those weekends I've noticed a self destructive pattern. As soon as the kids leave I put my pj's back on. I binge eat, like seriously binge eat, Ive gained 20 kilos this year alone.
I watch Netflix, I barely move from the bed or coach. I refuse to socialise, so many friends have given up on me. Sometimes I nap in the afternoon.
I become a fat sloth.
Then on Sunday night I quickly tidy up the house, go buy groceries at 7pm - food for the kids.
I get them back on Monday and I function more like a normal adult when they are around. My mood is still kinda flat.
I don't feel depressed. Im not sad. I'm not tired from the kids. I miss them and I feel lonely but I absolutely refuse to see people after I have gained such a huge amount of weight and I can't seem to stop binging and not moving. Im wondering what this behaviour could be? It's not good for me and I do not know how to change it. Im like a numb mum going through the motions when I have my kids, just doing what I can to stay afloat and when I do not have them I am a fat sloth.
Im really lost.
I can't afford therapy atm, so just looking for insight from other people, advice? Im not sure... i'll try to save to go to therapy but money is so tight (aren't we all struggling lately?)... any thoughts to help me self reflect would be good.
4 Replies
So I have a friend like this.
She was in a downward spiral and sought help. She had this plan formulated by (I think it was just her doctor, but over a few sessions) to on day 1; she had a list of things that HAD to be done. She had an accountability partner (she chose her mum) and her mum would call her and ask what she had completed. And if they weren’t completed her mum would visit and they would do it together. It was things like going for a walk, cleaning out a cupboard, making something new for lunch, changing all the bed linens etc and she had to journal her thoughts after each task.
Then day 2 she would go out for lunch, meet up with a friend, etc it was about task focus, because she didn’t know how to be alone or be by herself and left alone with her thoughts.
It started a few years ago for her, she’s doing much better now and when the kids go off to their dads she always has a to-do list and incorporates bike riding or hiking as an activity.
No real advice, just continue to seek help and know things can get better. You obviously know it’s not healthy, so that’s a good start. Maybe try doing to-do lists or walk on a treadmill whilst watching Netflix to keep busy and health?
Goodluck
It’s rest! You need rest and that down time. Don’t stress yourself, let yourself rest. And when you’re rested enough, you’ll start making plans or doing little jobs for your own enjoyment , breakfast out, markets, beach, yoga, coffee.
Having said all that, sometimes doing that makes you feel better, you have to lead with the action before the feeling is there. Also,when you get home then you feel good and a bit more entitled to rest for the rest of the day. I slobbed out for the first few days of holidays , but now I’m in my groove and have gone out and got the things I need to start a project and have been much happier these last few days while busy doing that.
Yes, she needs rest. Love this comment normalising her experience ❤️
Hello, this is me!!! As soon as the kids are gone I just sloth it up. I am so darn exhausted. I love them and I miss them but overall I am an introvert and I need to recharge. I can be fine with myself but I feel exhausted and I eat crap because my body is saying give me energy now. I do not feel alot of extroverted people understand this and one of the first answers a Psychologist will probably give you is to get out amongst people... nope.
You know the saying 'you cannot pour from an empty cup'. I feel I have nothing left for my friends. However, I recently caught up with a friend and the thought of all the weight I put on went through my head, she did not care and just loved me anyway.
I can only tell you what I am trying so far. Start with small changes. Do not set yourself up for failure and try to do it all at once. So I walk the dogs, I do yard work (kids cannot mess that up when they come home), I preplan my meal, I ring a friend but only if I feel like talking, I read a good book after hanging out in a book store haha, I creative write/draw, I put a feel good movie on, I plan one catch up. You start with the least painful option e.g. going for a walk and then build on it.
A really good thing to do is to get outside and get some sunshine. I think so many of us are Vit D deficient. I've started getting into growing vegetables but even if you just make a point of sitting outside with a cuppa for a while each day.
These are all things a Psych would recommend but more tailored towards an introvert. If you are noticing a whole lot of intrusive thoughts... that's when I would see a Psychologist for some coping skills. In the meantime look up guided meditation, emphasis on making sure you have a voice guiding you and start incorporating that into your day. Lots of free ones available and I use one to help me sleep.
This being a mumma gig is not easy. It's even harder if you are an introvert and we are so often misunderstood!! If I've got that all wrong just disregard my advice ;) It's okay to need to rest. Just try to use that rest time to nurture yourself. Be your own best friend and let that guide you when making those choices. Lots of small changes x