I don’t like that my husband drinks alcohol in front of our kids on a daily basis. It might only be one or two drinks a day but I feel like my kids will grow up thinking this is the norm. And I don’t think it is healthy. My husband thinks I’m crazy and gets defensive whenever I bring it up. Am I wrong?! Should I just quit saying how I feel?
10 Replies
It is pretty common to have a drink in front of your kids. As long as it’s only one or two, he isn’t getting drunk it won’t harm your kids.
Seeing your parents drink responsibly is fine. I grew up with 2 parents who had a glass of wine with dinner. I like an occasional drink, I haven’t become an alcoholic, I grew up to understand what drinking responsibly and in moderation looked like.
I don’t think having a drink or two every day is responsible drinking or modeling. I don’t drink wine in front of my kids every day, when I do find Im having a few or a few socials then I will notice and pull it back. I also would say it’s unhealthy to drink every night even when they can’t see me.
It’s ‘Australian’ to normalise shitty alcohol behaviours, but that’s changing now and it’s not an excuse. And finally, of course he says you’re crazy, he’s enjoying his drinks, that’s an easy out of being accountable.
I don't think there's a problem with that. It would be like someone who is vegan not wanting anyone to eat meat around their kids. That's how I see it. Alcohol shouldn't be treated like it's something to hide and be ashamed of or when your kids get older they might hide it from you and wouldn't you want to know when they are drinking? I also think things that are kept as taboo in households seems to be some kind of challenge or reward for kids growing up in that environment and tend to be more prone to binging. Like junk food, sugar, alcohol, sex. I have known several people in my life that have had problems with these because they didn't develop healthy relationships with them growing up.
From a medical standpoint, it's recommended that adult men don't drink more than 10 standard drinks per week and no more than 4 in any given day.
I don't know what your hubby's choice of drink is but the majority of pre mixed drinks or stubbies of beer contain more than a standard drink (some pre mixers are actually closer to 2). If he drinks wine or bottled spirits, it'd be unlikely that he'd measure out one standard drink each time he filled his cup.
So if he drinks even just 7 a week or 1 a day, he's probably sitting right on that line. If he drinks 2 a day or 14 per week, we're starting to look at that line in the rear view mirror.
If there's days where he decides to go for a 3rd or 4th on top of that, that line has well and truly been left behind.
Unfortunately, a lot of Aussies don't have a healthy view on alcohol consumption because it's such an ingrained part of our culture, so they do tend to get defensive when you challenge their ideals. For that very reason I would anticipate a few intense comments when this goes to Facebook.
Having said all that, if you're a parent who enjoys an alcoholic bevvy but you essentially hide that from your kids - that's probably setting an equally bad example.
Moderation is key, having the occasionsl drink around children shows that alcohol can be enjoyed responsibly. However, drinking in front of them every day I think starts to blur that message. Drinking every day starts looking a little more like a crutch or a coping mechanism and that's a slippery slope.
It'd be like eating pizza every night for dinner. It's not necessarily the end of the world or the absolute worst thing you could be doing but still sets a pretty bad example.
This sums it up beautifully, well said
I think having kids grow up watching someone being able to have a few drinks without getting plastered is teaching responsible drinking. I grew up in a house where my parents rarely drank, probably only special occasions so a few times a year but the aim was to get drunk. So while I didn't see anyone drink everyday, I learnt that people drink to get that drunk they're stumbling and sick the next day. So that's what I did from teens through to twenties. Just another way of looking at it. Countries like France and Italy aren't known for binge drinking but alcohol is a normal part of their day, kids grow up watching people drink it and are introduced to it at a young age.
I see no issues as long as his behaviour is OK and he's not offering it to the children.
My dad was an Alcoholic and none of my 7 siblings are like him. It definitely turned us off binge drinking. I will have a couple of drinks on special occasions, other siblings a bit more often. But it hasn't caused us to think this is normal.
My Husband loves his Alcohol and drinks way more than he should. But that is up to him decide. I can't make him stop, he has to want to.
I am just going to reinforce with our kids that this is not normal
You are wrong. This is controlling behaviour on your part. You need to stop. If you feel this way about 1 or 2 drinks then I suggest counselling for yourself to work on why you feel the need to control and force compliance with your opinion on benine situations such as this.
It's 1 or 2 drinks a day. The man isn't getting drunk or abusing alcohol. Seriously lighten up and stop trying to control every minor detail of the lives of the people around you. An overly controlling parent is more likely to lead to alcoholism in a grown child then seeing someone have a few drinks.
I have never seen my parents drink. Not ever in my life. They do not drink.
I am an alcoholic. I have been sober for 3 years on 26 December.
I am an alcoholic due to trauma in my life. Addiction is caused by trauma. Someone drinking a couple of drinks a day, and doing so responsibly, will not cause that trauma.
However, seeing parents fight or argue about things all the time can certainly cause trauma.
I think you need counselling to work through why this is such a big problem for you and why you feel the need to force your feelings about it onto your husband.