Im usually a really passive parent, but I feel like I need to say something. My daughter is 12 has adhd, just started high school at a christian school. She has found herself a really good friend. This friend is a wonderful child and always a delight to have around although both girls after they have spent time together get a bit of an "attitude" towards their parents. Ive spoken openly with both girls about it and said if they continue to have attitude after they spend time together the parents are going to be less inclined to let them hang out as much. After this convo my daughters behaviour improved for the most part. Her friend still had attitude and got grounded for a month. She told my daughter her parents have said, they don't like my daughter that she is encouraging bad behaviour ect among other things that has made my daughter feel awkward around them. This is around the third time they have said things to my daughters friend and the friend has relayed it back to my daughter. Usually I wouldn't say anything but it keeps happening and I just feel so bad for my daughter feeling like her best friends parents don't like her. What would you say? Im not wanting to come across as aggressive or cause drama that will stop the friendship between the girls Id just like them to stop saying things.
6 Replies
Teach your daughter that she isn’t responsible for someone else’s behaviour. As long as her behaviour is acceptable, then how her friend behaves is on her friend.
I’d also encourage her to widen her circle (without being pushy), so she has a bit of security if this relationship implodes.
The other parents seem a bit oblivious to what is a bit of a developmental phase and puberty etc and are feeling the need ti blame your child for stuff that’s out of your daughters control.
I wouldn’t waist my energy on the other parents.
I have an ADHD son. He also has conduct, and ODD. His best friend back in year 2-3, they would feed off each other. It wasn't his friends fault, or my son's, but simply both having behavioral issues, they seemed to absorb all the naughty from each other.
It got to the point I spoke to his mum, and said, that it was time to suspend the friendship for a while, not because I didn't like her son, he's lovely, but because they just egged each other on too much witch left to several suspensions.
By year 5 everything settled and I had no issue with them hanging out.... If anything, his friend is far better behaved haha
Be very tactful especially with girls.
My boys BFF didn’t like me, but liked the idea of our house and it’s ‘freedoms’
The boy was putting thoughts into my boys head that I was a dictator, but in fact his family are very strict and our ‘relaxed’ way appealed to him until he pushed boundaries way too far.
Once I put breaks on weekend sleep overs he told him mum all kinds of porkies.
I spoke to the mum about his behaviour at my house and she ate me alive with things he had said to her.
Now he is actually bullying my boy because he cannot come over and act like an unleashed animal in my house.
Him and his mum cannot see that his behaviour was the cause.
Glad for 8 weeks rest
My son has ASD and he can repeat things I inaccurately and out of context. Talk to the parents in a friendly manner to enquire what concerns they have. You may find that what the child expressed is not what they actually said.
I feel sorry for your daughter. One of my friends told me that their grandma said I ate all of their food. I literally starved myself when I was over there for years. Wish kids wouldn’t relay the info.
Honestly I wouldn't be surprised if that was true. An exs family treated me like I ate all their food and used all their electricity and water 😄 my self care went really low when there because I hated to be a bother and they still thought I was expensive.