Hi IMs
I think my husband hates me, we can never go out without drama, something always sets him off and sometimes it can be another driver on the road and that’s it I cop it, past arguments come up and all the way there or back is a lecture. He never says anything nice off his own back, he puts me down to his friends example would your misses do this or that see what I deal with. He calls me lazy if I have aircon on in car and I work in an office so I am lazy.
My opinion is wrong if it’s different from his.
If I told him to do something eg take the bin out on the way out I get never tell me you ask.
I get can you pick out clothes for me babe, then another time I get you always tell me what I can wear I never win.
I work full time, but I could have the whole house spotless and dinner and sitting down I would be lazy.
When I was not work ( after having a baby 15 years ago ) he said I had to do 8 hours of house work a day as he worked 8 hours a day.
I get anxiety to go out, I get anxiety at home, at work I am a professional well respected person at home I am nothing.
How can someone say they love you but call you names and never respect your opinion and be embarrassed to be with you.
I think my husband hates me
I think my husband hates me
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
7 Replies
He sounds like a complete arsehole, tbh. I'd have yelled the shit out of him by now.
Stop doing things for him (like picking his clothes).
And if you both work full time, then the housework should be split. It sounds like he does nothing.
Honestly, it sounds like he is just eroding your self esteem completely (this is called coercive control, and it's considered to be domestic violence).
I'd leave. You sound like you're trauma bonded and afraid to leave him (which is the whole point of coercive control).
Being alone is way better than being with someone who treats you like shit , believe me.
And remember, your child is watching and learning from this. Your child will now think it's normal to treat someone like this & get away with it; or they're learning that it's ok to just take this treatment from a spouse & carry on.
You need to either make a stand with your husband and tell him you're not taking it anymore (maybe couple's counselling is needed), or leave (or kick him the f out). For your sake and your child's sake.
He's crushed your inside down to a pulp. What a pig. Please consider leaving! You will not know yourself when you're out of that relationship. The freedom in little things like being able to live your life without a massive 2 year old unloading all his anger on to you. You will wonder why you didn't do it before. You're basically a single person now only you have to put up with all this crap too.
How can you stay? Please leave. This is mental abuse. He destroying you bit by bit. He is a narcissist . Google it and read into it and seek professional help because you need to leave him. This is not healthy for you at all. You have 1 precious life to live, please go and enjoy that life without him in it, so you can live the life that you were meant to. Don’t be afraid to take the step. It’s hard at first but once you do, you won’t look back and be glad you left. He won’t change.
I lived with a guy who I felt hated me. Turns out he did. He faked the love part and I hung in there, put myself through absolute hell, it took me years to recover what he did to me. Why would someone do that? Because you have to know that not every one is like you. Not everyone loves like you do. people do some crazy things that you would never waste your life doing. So you have to draw your boundaries - don’t waste your life letting him crush you.
This is actually a really easy one, and you can't see it from the inside where you are. Mate, he doesn't love you. If he did he wouldn't do ANY of those things.
Start with talking to your GP and call DV Connect. What you do after that is entirely up to you - but you do need to know that it's not love that makes him like this and you sure as shit don't have to put up with it.
Gaslighting! He is wearing you down so you are more compliant. He's most likely a narcissist and incapable of loving anyone outside of himself. I would read more about this and see how many boxes he ticks.
You are more anxious about going out because he has successfully made you feel crap about yourself and embarrassed you. You are anxious about being at home because he has you walking on eggshells!
This is not a nice personality to tangle with as I was with one for many years and I am still healing from all his put downs. I eventually repartnered with a lovely man and it just highlighted even more how bad my ex was. Again, horrible personality! Not all men are like this!!!
Recently seperated, still under the same roof here. My abusive treatment is different to yours. I have had a few mantras to repeat to myself though to give me the courage to change my situation. I’ve found my voice and I’m not holding back now.
“Taking a stand is brave and strong.”
“When someone shows you who they are, believe them.”
You do deserve to live a happy and fulfilling life, you deserve to be cherished, loved and respected.