My husband and daughter have developed this strange dynamic where she communicates something and he responds with something else but it’s too complicated for her and she will repeat this question over and over and OVER again.
It’s so frustrating - and it’s me on the sideline who steps in constantly - to explain to him and to her. I’m more aware of this now and trying to step back and let them work it out but it’s afffecting our family holiday.
He’s very laid back and she can be intense and demanding. It’s also puberty and heightened emotions as end of year and we are all tired.
Any ideas - I’d just like some fun family times and understand that life is not perfect but it’s just Groundhog Day with these two and it’s affecting the vibe.
4 Replies
It seems he is the problem by purposely answering in a way that he knows she won't understand. Be very careful of someone that can sit there relaxed and unbothered while they're winding someone up, especially their own child. Has narcissistic vibes actually. Try and answer her before he does. Distract her, spend some time with her doing fun things.
That’s what I caught too.
He’s laid back?? Yet also he’s constantly doing the exact same routine winding up a teenage kid.
It isn't a "them" problem, it's a "him" problem.
I'd be tempted to tell him he's being a condescending arsehat and that he needs to pull his head in. My father in law does this sort of thing and its infuriating.
In all seriousness though, ask him how he'd feel in a hypothetical situation. Say he went to his boss with a question and he got a deliberately complex answer in response so he asks the question again only to be met with another obtuse reply.
Then ask him how he'd feel about his boss if the majority of their interactions went down like this.
If he can't see fault in his behaviour or feel some empathy for your daughter after that kind of perspective, you probably have a bigger problem...
As parents, it is our job to model the right kind of behaviour and communication. It's quite possible your daughter is demanding and intense because she's grown to expect that her dad is going to fuck with her every time they have a conversation. I'd have an attitude to if I were her.
You have to give respect to get respect.