Hi there sisterhood
Trigger warning - pet loss grief mentioned
Hi all firstly please be kind; I know I might come across as a bad person but pls hear me out.
Question - how do I ask my neighbour if I can adopt their cat?
Background - I love animals. Many years ago I adopted a rescue kitten and had him for 11 years. Sadly, he passed of a heart condition in 2018. The passing was traumatic for me as he got sick and had multiple trips to the vet hospital, eventually there was nothing we could do so he went to sleep in our medical care. I did not have emotional support and was grief stricken, as well as being left with $8000 worth of vet bills as insurance only covered 20% due to his advanced age. It took me years to recover emotionally and financially and due to this I decided not to adopt another animal then.
Couple of years later I met my partner, and we are great together and a last year we moved to a new rental house. Shortly after moving we started receiving visits from the neighbour's cat. At the time we were minding a couple of little cats and this other cat would come in a eat the food available and play with the cats. I didn't think much of it at the time, we were in lockdown (we live in NZ), and they would all just hang out. We returned the foster cats for adoption and went away camping for Xmas. When we came back, I noticed the cat would spend a lot of time at our house and because we were WFH she would come in from the back, windows and etc. We couldn't really keep her out. Sometimes she would be here for around 7+ hours and Miaow by the food area and I would give her biscuits because she was hungry but wouldn't go home. In hindsight this might have been a mistake.
We would put her outside at night so she could go home but she wouldn't go, she would sit at the balcony and sleep outside and if it was raining she would cry outside and eventually I couldn't bear this and would let her in. She then started hiding inside the house behind curtains or in the closet when it came to 'outside time'. At the same time, I noticed her owners adopted a Dalmatian and I wondered if she didn't get along with the dog, hence her staying here.
The red flag came when she showed up covered I fleas. I bought an $80 treatment from the vet and concluded they must not have been doing monthly flea treatments on her. She also always seemed desperate for food, love and shelter here.
Then all if a sudden she has an airtag on her collar and I realised the owners wanted to know her whereabouts. At this point I didn't want to make contact with them as I don't know them, and I felt I was a bad person for having her here. However, they never came and checked on her, even though it must have shown that she was here. This situation has become increasingly upsetting for us.
Now I see that the owners house is for rent so they must be moving out. I'd like to raise a possible adoption since she adopted us, and it has been almost a year. I'd love to provide her with the best ever forever, we can afford this. At the same time, if this was my cat I'd be really upset it has moved houses from me.
What shall I do? I just want what is best for the cat x thank you
21 Replies
Attach a note to it's collar or put a letter in the mailbox. Take a picture of this cat chilling at your house and mention how he visits you every day and how much it means to you having lost your previous cat. Include how he has become a special part of your lives and you would like to know how he was going from time to time, although understand it may come across as a bit of an odd request so hold no expectations. Let them know if they ever decide Kitty needs to be rehomed that you would love to take said cat and provide contact details. Welcome them to knock on your door to chat anytime and thank them for sharing the joy of this special Kitty.
Then leave it entirely up to them 💕
Just do what our neighbour did and lock it in your house lol.
My mum had a neighbour a few doors down a little while back. They mistreated their cat so much. Didn’t feed it and the kids were so cruel to it. It kept coming to my mums house and she would feed it etc. one day the kids came to get it and my mum just said ‘no your not getting it back coz yous are too cruel’. And that was that. My mum still has him.
Cats are so funny. They remind me of a man that can't keep it in his pants. They will just move to whoever feeds them and has the best comfort offerings, then occasionally look around to see if there's anyone offering a better deal. Sometimes they have multiple houses on the go. My cat was a bit like this and he was well looked after, just ate and slept all day. One day I walked up the street and saw one of my neighbours had friends over and they were all sitting out the front, had a closer look and there was my cat in amongst them all getting pats and rubbing up against them while they're all gushing over him trying to work out whose cat he was. I just kept walking. I was too embarrassed to say hey that's my cat lol. I knew what he was up to, he was an attention whore. But I knew he would be home that night because he knew that was the only place to get raw chicken.
This made me laugh, just thinking about how you would have felt and speeding up the walk past 🤣
That cat has an owner. You shouldn’t have fed it or let it inside your house, so it thinks it lives at yours. True they should not let it out of theirs, but that doesn’t negate your actions. So, you should lock the cat out and it will go home. You could contact the owner and let it be known you’re open to loving and keeping their cat, they’ll ask if that’s something they are considering. You should go to the shelter and adopt your own cat.
Tread carefully...
If one of my neighbours came to my house to ask of they could adopt my cat, I doubt they'd appreciate my response.
And as much as I disagree with letting cats free roam, they obviously care enough about their pet to provide it with an air tag.
Also, just because a cat appears to be desperate for food and affection doesn't necessarily mean they are neglected - if you didn't know my cat you'd think she'd never been fed or cuddled in her life but she's very spoiled and well cared for.
Same with my boy! The way he acts with food you'd swear I never feed him 🤣
Look I don't know the cat or your neighbours but I do know cats do put it on when it comes to food. As for the fleas well if the cat had never had fleas before and then just showed up with a ton of them I'm guessing the cat must have come into contact with an animal with fleas while on an adventure and the neighbours were at work or out at the time and so didn't get treatment straight away. The neighbours got an air tag so I'm guessing they do in fact care about where their cat is but perhaps they're at work when the cat is at yours. It honestly doesn't sound like neglect to me, they wouldn't have bothered getting a tag if they didn't care imo
Stop feeding the cat and she will go home. You bought flea treatment because she came covered in fleas and you never noticed fleas before? Then she must have gotten into some mischief with another wild animal or pet that day. You didn't even give her owners a chance to get her treatment you just decided they mustn't care. Why not take a trip to your local shelter and adopt a beautiful cat?
OMG. This is my biggest fear with having a cat that spends time outside. Other people! You've done the wrong thing. Close your windows and let the owners who clearly live their cat go back to being the home the cat goes to. You've confused the poor thing. What's more is that feeding a pet that isn't yours and you don't know the medical history of is dangerous.
What a cheeky cat! When you had all of those other cats over she must have thought your house was so much fun. Wow and free food! Now she realises she has you with those cute kitty eyes. If she just stands and cries you'll feed her more and maybe the other fun cats will come back!
She is clearly an independent cat that likes to go on adventures and she's probably got a few houses lined up for her to visit.
I mean you could ask to adopt her I guess but don't be surprised if you don't like the answer.
I can’t help but think you have over stepped here. By feeding the cat.
I’d encourage you to adopt a cat yourself.
As a cat owner I'd be absolutely mortified if someone asked me to adopt my cat. My boy is an inside cat but he is a big sook who always acts like he's starving and he will meow for affection to anyone and everyone who comes over even though he does get a lot of love, hugs and pats. If he was an outdoor cat I could only imagine how he would act with the neighbours. Pretending to be starving and needing love. You have to remember too that you WFH so of course you notice it and the cat would play on it as it knows you're home. It sounds like the owners are out at work all day. Also with getting a dalmatian it would be a big change for the cat but the cat would get used to it eventually. I wouldn't ask to adopt their cat and I doubt they would say yes. But I would see if the cat is given to a shelter near you after they leave (I'm guessing it probably won't be though)
Our neighbours cat came to our door and acted like he was starving. He carried on so much we thought they were not looking after him. Turned out he is the neighbourhood tramp. Goes to any house he thinks he can con for another feed or affection.
He makes us laugh at his antics. Owners just shake their heads and say he's coming over to say hello. He's became even more confident now rolls around in our front driveway, invites himself inside and actually acts all insulted, sits in the driveway and glares at us if we pull out of our driveway like 'how dare you not feed me'. We are at the house less now but he still comes over if he hears us pull up.
At the end of the day he's their cat (or possibly everyone's 😆) we leave him where we found him.
I used to live in an apartment block and there was a random cat who would sometimes just wander into our place when the window was open lol. I didn't have a cat myself so had no food for it but it loved hugs from my kids and I. It was a very loved cat from next door apartments who was very spoiled by everyone and loved the attention.
They are cheeky aren't they lol
The cat is playing you lol.
Also a side note- cat probably got fleas from the dog. The owners may not have been able to get the fleas sorted on time and the fleas got to the cat. It seems weird you don't mention the cat had fleas for the time she was comin over then had a ton of them. If the cat constantly had fleas that kept gettin worse I'd be inclined to think neglect but not in this case.
I agree with the other posters that say don't ask the neighbour to adopt their cat however I do have a different approach. Go over there and tell them you saw the "For Rent" sign and you're sad to see them go as the cat has come over a few times and you will miss her. Let them know some of the funny and silly things the cat has done and that the cat made you very happy.
If they are planning on giving the cat up they may say would you like her. If not then oh well.
Go and see your neighbours.
Leave all the history out of it, simply say you know they know the cat has been coming over and you've noticed they're moving. Give them your number and tell them that if the cat goes missing at the new house to give you call and you'll keep an eye out for it coming back. And that if for some reason it doesn't settle in the new place and they choose to rehome it to let you know and you'll happily give it a good home.
You've completely crossed the line. There are no red flags... you just want to see them. Go get your own pet!!!!!