My partner and I have 4 kids. We live in the same town as his Mum and my partner works away. My youngest child had to have his tonsils out and because we live rural we had to go to the city and stay there for 10 days afterwards in case of complications. So it was nearly 2 weeks all up as we had to have pre appointments etc. I went with just my youngest child to begin with and my partner was going to bring the others down after the surgery because he had to go back to work. I stayed at his sister's for those first few days and it was horrible, she was very snappy at my son (6) while her 4 year old did whatever she pleased, 4 year old loved having my son there but she was just too much all over him, wanting him to play whatever she wanted to play then crying to her Mum if he didn't want to do it and her Mum would come and tell him off. Even the day he left the hospital and meant to be resting she was still all over him. So I left there and went to my sister's house (which was about 40minites away) where even though my sister has kids they knew to leave him alone. So my partner did not like me going to my sister's. Refused to drive there to drop off the other 3 so I had to drive back to his sister's and pick them up. A few more days past and my partner rings me and says his Mum is going to pick the other 3 kids up so they can go to school. I had already told school they would be away and all was fine. Anyway, I agreed, she wasn't one to have the kids at all but since she was offering OK. She rings me the night before and says she's only taking my eldest child. I replied why, she said because he's the only one that will want to go. I said no, the other 2 are fine with it? She said well they have to be dropped off at 5am at his sister's house. OK. So I wake up at 4 am, get 3 kids up and in the car drive them there and she seems really pissed that I've brought the other 2. The kids are half asleep, not upset at all they know exactly what's going on. Then my MIL comes over to my 2nd eldest and says "You don't really want to come with me do you?" My child nods her head, "yeah I do nanna". Then MIL says no you say that but I know you don't. I'm not putting up with you saying you want to go back to Mum. She went on and on until I said don't worry about it. I went to get all of them back in the car, my second child started crying because she thought she was in trouble. Mil insisted on taking the eldest because he 'behaves'. I said no, he may as well stay too. She then rang my partner and the next thing I receive a phone call from him yelling at me saying send the eldest. So I did to keep the peace but I really shouldn't have. Then things got weird. My partner rang me later on saying eldest child is the only good one because he was the only one that went, he was buying him a new game console because he deserves it for being the only one to go back to school. I rang my eldest child every day and he was very short with me, not like himself at all, sounding very much like I had done something to him. When I was finally able to go home the first thing I did was pick him up and my MIL is just staring in the opposite direction to me and my other 3 kids while my eldest son did too, like it was an 'us against them' thing. She completely ignored us while she smothered him with hugs telling him he 'has' to go now and don't worry you can see her again tomorrow. I said thank you for looking after him. The next day there's a fb post by my SIL which went like this "thanks to my mother for everything she does for her kids and grandkids and how grateful she is unlike SOME". I have no idea what I've done or even what my kids have done, I left my Sails house politely I didn't complain about her or her child at all, I kept it all to myself. I don't know why they're treating me like this, made a massive deal out of nothing and made my eldest child think that I love him less for only sending him home. He thinks the other kids stayed there and had a heap of fun which is not true.
10 Replies
Keep them at a distance. Sounds so very toxic and like SIL and MIL are gossiping and ganging up. Your son needed rest after his surgery. You were probably stressed and tired from all of that alone. The last thing you needed to deal with was them playing twisted games! I would be giving all of that time to settle and make sure you praise ALL the kids when you can. That picking favourites and doing what she did to your second eldest is disgusting! Sounds like they are abusive tbh.
If anything similar arises lean towards your family and do not rely upon inlaws as much as possible. I hope hubby does not take after them as he sounds like he listens to his toxic mother.
Stop handing over your kids to these toxic people, no matter what your partner demands.
No keeping the peace to the detriment of your own children, they aren't to be used as scape goats.
Family of narcs
Oh that is toxic bs. Watch out, they’ll turn your kids on you and their own siblings . Your partner sounds like an absolute dick. Boundaries need to be drawn here. He fucks up or is out. This is really toxic shit to be doing to your children. At least now you know for next time, go straight to your sisters. Don’t ask them for anything.
They are a pack of bitches keep him right away from them. Very Cunning!
Your partner sounds piss weak. Mummies boy, can’t stand up to her so he takes it out on you. I would stay far away from them
And keep your kids from being brainwashed. BY them. Geez imagine if you ever seperate. I wouldn’t tolerate this BS
Don't send them. If anyone goes anywhere, it'll be supervised. No more nanna or aunty sleep overs or favours. Either that all are included or zero.
My oldest would spend some of his school holidays with his aunt (SiL) and loved being spoiled and seemingly doted on. Then he started having nightmares and couldn’t or wouldn’t tell us what was going on.
It took us months to get it out of him. His aunt and grandmother (MiL) were brainwashing him, telling him he could come and live with them, running us down the whole time to him. The poor kid thought they were going to show up in the middle of the night and kidnap him.
I even took him to a child psychologist to try and find the cause of these nightmares and nothing. It was one night he woke up screaming and crying saying Aunty and Nan were coming to get him.
I stopped the holidays with them, made an excuse every time she asked to take him anywhere and made sure any time her or MiL were with him one of us supervised.
The nightmares stopped.
Be very careful of these women, something similar may happen to your child. Tell your husband to grow a pair and stand up for his wife and children, and limit contact with these people, always supervising any and all contact they have with your children.
Why couldn’t your husband care for the other kids?
He had to go to work FIFO