I’ve recently found out hubby has been conversing with a friend. A close friend of mine.
That many times has made it known to myself and others in the group how wonderful he is. And how jealous she is of my relationship with him. And other men she has taken an interest in and found out they’re married has classed it as a challenge.
They’ve both hidden this from me. So much as her having given me her work number yet he has her private number. He swears it was just conversation. Nothing sexual at all.
I’m having such a hard time getting past this. Am I being dramatic? Should I let it go? Am I being naive?
I’m breaking on the inside and I cannot get a clear focus on this
Can I get past this?
Can I get past this?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
14 Replies
I think you're right to think it's fishy because they've been hiding it. There's also a history of her going for married men and the things she said. If they had nothing to hide, they wouldn't hide it. I also think you should stop considering her your friend shes given you both separate numbers so you wouldn't recognize her number in his phone.
Oh yuk, let it go? Really? You want to stay with him so badly you could Convince yourself you didn’t see what you definitely saw?
You are not being dramatic. It was not just a friendly chat and we all know that. He’s manipulating you so he doesn’t have to face anything. I would leave. Always listen to your gut, your emotional reaction to what they’ve done to you doesn’t match his response at all does it.
The hiding it is bad. I'm good friends with one of my friend's husbands, we chat all the time, but it's 100% innocent and shared interests only and we NEVER hide it from our spouses.
We will all mention to each other "oh I was chatting with X today, they said ......"
The only time it has ever been a secret has been when I've helped him choose gifts for her, and we've literally said "cannot tell you, don't ask".
Same as when my partner messages her for help with that stuff.
So yes, I'm sorry, I think you are right in being concerned. Especially if she sees married men as a challenge. I stay very much away from people like that, I certainly wouldn't put up with my partner messaging them.
I would ask to see the messages, and if he refuses or "has deleted them", it would be all over. I personally just couldn't trust that situation.
How is she a close friend if you don't have her number?
He’s lying they are both lying deceitful dogs.
Dirty dogs the pair of them. Don’t trust a thing they say. she’s your friend yet you have her work number and he has her private number. They are as bad as each other and have prob been laughing behind your back the whole time. Don’t trust them. Go with your gut. She sounds like a piece of work. You need new friends and prob a new husband.
She sees it a challenge. This says it all and your foolish husband has played right into it. You need to remove this friend from your life. I wouldn’t trust either of them. You have every right to be worried. I don’t believe there is anything innocent in this at all. Snoop through his phone and ready their msgs. Don’t bring it up to him just snoop so you see it for yourself. Also don’t be naive and don’t take the Lies. Pretend you do and play along with it so he thinks you have forgotten and snoop through his phone and car. See if there’s anything in his car of hers or anything with any signs at all. Snoop through his phone when he goes to bed. If he sleeps with it or has a pin now then he’s guiltily as. You just know in your gut and it’s usally right. Don’t be naive and believe what he says. there no need for different numbers or him contacting her especially when he knows what she’s like. I think he’s found her an easy target to cheat with.
Yes! Snoop and do not feel guilty about it. I bet he is hiding more
I feel so sad for you 😥 I know what this feels like and it is never innocent. They always deny deny deny until you no longer trust yourself.
He NEVER should be sneaking around doing anything. He has been deceitful whether he has slept with her or not. He has abused your trust in him.
A good man protects his relationship and he has not done this. Over the years you will come to realise it does not matter what woman is on the other side, if he is not protecting your relationship, he is anyone's.
You deserve so much better and I hope you find it 💗
I would tell him your concerns outright and ask to see his phone.
If it is innocent and he cares that you're so worried, I think he would just hand it over, even if he thinks it's an invasion of privacy. It IS an invasion of privacy, but if I was him, I would choose that over my partner being insecure.
And then I'd have a calm conversation about how that lack of trust makes me feel, and how to move past it.
If he kicks up a massive fuss about how dare you accuse him of hiding things and not trusting him etc, then there's your answer.
My fiance & I have always had an open phone policy due to my issues with a prior partner cheating, so my fiance made open phones a rule.
We had a situation where I felt one of his old friends was toeing the line, and I wasn't snooping - he'd get a message tone & ask me to read it out while he was busy etc.
He kept saying "that's just how she is, there's nothing in it etc etc". Fair enough 🤷♀️
Then she sent him a love poem. I exploded. He cut contact completely.
I trust him 100%, and haven't looked through his phone in ages, although he'll still hand it to me when he goes for a shower etc, so I can if I want to.
I'm not saying that's something everyone should do, I know lots of people that are super paranoid aboht their phone, it doesn't mean they're doing anything wrong.
But in your situation, if he's genuine, I would think he'd be happy to show you, just to make you feel better & move on.
It doesn't need to be sexual to be an emotional affair.
Nope. She needs to go. Set clear firm boundaries.
This scenario happened to me.. It was my neighbour. Look at his behaviour when you ask to see stuff. My ex would have his phone on silent and face down all the time. He would take it with him to the toilet to pee 😳.. If I saw something on it, he would gaslight me until I let it go or until I caught him out in the lie. Thankfully our marriage ended and a few months later he was in a relationship with her 🙄... But as I had warned him when I was friends with her that she is a narcissist... He found that out for himself. I then met an amazing man who is an open book and treats me so well. When I look back at my whole marriage, there were little things along the way where I was tested to see how I would react so he then labelled me as 'jealous'. Funnily enough, I'm not 'jealous' with my current partner.. My gut said that something was off when I found innocent messages.. Then it just got worse. I personally, would run, fast! You deserve better x
She's a bitch in heat and he's a siffing dog. No more, no less.
The question is, do you want to move past this?
Is her "friendship" worth the piss poor boundaries? Worth the knowledge that she will ALWAYS be looking for that in with whoever you are with? Fuck her right off.
Him. Do you want someone who is only yours until someone else wants him? Maybe he hasn't cheated - yet. But he's maintaining a secret relationship with her. That wouldn't have happened without the knowledge of a dick wetting being the outcome. If it were me I'd fuck that one off too.
You can try relationship counselling if you want. Look at the effort he puts into it. Listen to the mediator when they tell you if he's worth keeping or not. Accept nothing less than you are worth. No half arseing it. No bitching about it being a waste of time. He's all in or he's on his arse. Repeat this to yourself everytime you need to hear it.
This woman is misleading you.
None of my friends have my work number. If they need to call while I'm at work they still call my personal mobile.