Hi IMs,
I’ve been with my husband for 6 years, recently married, we have two kids a house etc.
For years he’s been controlling, manipulative and I’ve stayed cause I have a fear of abandonment. Every-time we fight he breaks up with me it only lasts that day but generally he comes crawling back apologising says he will never do it again. He’s sorry blah blah blah. We generally fight if I say I’ve made plans to go out or do absolutely anything for myself, we will then fight about something unrelated but I know it’s because he knows if we are fighting I won’t go out or leave my kids. it happened again on the weekend; and I’m just. Done.
He lies, hides shit from me, has a female friend which I have no problems with, but she’s made inappropriate comments to him and I’ve said it actually makes me uncomfortable that he wants to remain friends with her when it shows me a complete disrespect when I can’t even receive messages from men that are completely work related without him blowing his gasket. If shoe was on other foot he’d lose his mind, but when I explain how it makes me feel he just says he’s sick of my moods, sick of my drama, he completely invalidates my feelings and makes me feel crazy for feeling insecure when it’s his lying that makes me feel that way. I do love him. I just don’t want my kids growing up thinking this is healthy because it’s not, and my kids are my priority. I don’t want to feel this way anymore. I just don’t know how to leave.
3 Replies
When he "leaves" next, take it seriously and don't let him back in. Figure out how to lock him out.
It honestly sounds like he may be cheating. Accusing you of it is a big sign. Add to that all the breaking up like he could be keeping her on hold and runs to her everytime you break up.
He is isolating you and putting you down. Read about Gaslighting and see how many boxes he ticks. No doubt the female friend is getting the info from him and is she actually saying it or is he lying??
Massive red flag that he stops you from going out, accuses you of things but when the shoe is on the other foot... my ex was like this when he was screwing everything that walked and accusing me of cheating if I asked questions. His female friend is putting you down, for what reason?? and she obviously feels comfortable saying these things to him!
Trust your gut!! When you know, you know.
Yes. Listen to yourself more. You sound very clear and it sounds like he is jealous and controlling. This is a firm of abuse. If you have any fear about leaving in terms of him escalating, please seek help from a family violence service near you.