Hello everyone,
Long story short.
I have been with my husband 8 years, married 1.
A few months ago, i caught my husband messaging a scam, sexual. Hes so gullible he didn't relise. He was signing up to different sites just to see her naked photos, he was saying filthy things and it got me by surprise. he was also on no strings attached dating sites, He works away and had his location set to where he stays.
I confronted him and he agreed he would never do anything like that again.
I handled alot better then i should have.
Fast forward to last week, i come across $2 sim cards with $20 credit on them,
So i made a fake snapchat and have been talking to him on that tonight.
Hes fallen right into the trap, stating he is single and that his going to try and get to her location next week, talking dirty, like filthy dirty. Hes sent photos, his face and also nudes.
I honestly don't know what to do, my instinct is to pack up the kids before he returns and just disappear for a few weeks.
I feel sick, i want to spew.
Happy 1 year marriage anniversary to me.
I have no friends to go to, i have no one.
I am not scared of being alone, but i feel like i am in the wrong for pretending to be someone else.
12 Replies
You can be in the wrong and still leave him. Be honest, he’s the one that made this marriage unsaveable. What you did has nothing on that. Focus on longer than a few weeks. Make the plan. If you need to use your online persona to make give yourself time to pack, go ahead. No guilt. He’s thrown it all in the trash he doesn’t deserve anything. Just sort out you and your kids.
She is not in the wrong!! Using whatever tools she has to find out the truth is not wrong!
Please pack up his things and throw it outside. You and the kids don’t have to go anywhere. There is literally no coming back from this babe. Stay strong and know someone is out there that would never dare do this to your heart, you just need to remember your worth.
Wow, what a sick man!!! This makes me angry for you- nobody deserves to be treated like that. Ever!!! So while you’re at home tending to the children, he has the nerve to treat you like this?! That is beyond abhorrent behavior. Karma always comes back around, find peace that you leaving is the right thing to do. And you will have good come back your way.
I would pack his shit & leave it in the front yard along with printouts of the snaps.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you ☹
But you caught hime once, he promised to stop, and now he's done it again.
So he won't stop.
And there's no way you'll ever trust him again.
No you were not in the wrong. It is never wrong to trust your gut and find concrete proof he's a cheater.
If I could reach out and give you a hug I would. I have been in a similar place and the pain was awful. I let it drag on for longer than I should have and I only regret not leaving sooner.
This is no longer about him, he made his choice. Now you need to make yours. There is no explanation he can give you that will fix this. It's a pointless argument and possibly lots more lying and false promises on his part.
If you felt strong enough I would seek supports from Centrelink social worker, counselling and start planning the exit or boot him out. Possibly without even letting him know what you are up to...
He will just lie, put you down and somehow end up playing the victim e.g. you're not showing me enough affection, men have needs OR if you leave I won't see the kids. I could write a book on these disgusting men.
I have a good one now. You will heal <3
Omg how sickening. Please leave. You are not wrong at all. You went with your gut. You can’t ever tell him this was you on snap chat. You might need that so don’t blow your cover. Pack the kids and go to family. He has prob cheated on you a lot. What a scum bag. Get away you deserve better and so do your kids.
That's exactly what I think. He travels away and has probably cheated so many times she has not found out about. He's an utter pig.
You poor wee darling.. you dont deserve this, what a shit head! He wouldve been carrying on like this with others regardless if you hadn't done what you did to see what he's up to.. and done rightfully so considering he'd already been caught! The hardest part is moving on, but make sure you do it out of self worth & to set a good example to your precious kids x
He is the one pretending to you. It's not wrong to preserve your dignity and well-being. There's great advice on this thread definitely place yourself in the best position to boot him out. Goodluck no one deserves to be treated as they are less than who they are. Your his wife and mother to his kids. He is not respecting you or them. Goodluck stay strong.
Take that guilt you feel and kick it to the kerb. He 100% responsible.
Don't run, not yet. You need that house until you find another. Have him evicted if he won't leave willingly. Do not under any circumstances let him tell you he didn't mean it, it was only once, he loves you. He's a proven piece of lying shit.
Just want to send you huge amounts of virtual hugs.
I have been exactly where you are. 8 years with a compulsive liar and serial cheater. I was also young and naive. 8 years of a toxic gaslight shitty relationship.
I look back and I would of handled things completely different today.
If this was to happen to me again. I would:
- the silent treatment. I wouldn’t say a peep.
- Change the locks
- Go see a family lawyer ASAP to find out your rights.
- Do not leave the family home. He should be the one who needs to find alternative accommodation.
-Pack up his belongings and leave them in the garage. So the kids don’t see.
- Go to your GP and get a mental health care plan to see a psychologist to look after you.
Take each day as it comes. You did absolutely nothing wrong. The latter is on him. You’ve just proven to yourself he has no intention to do the right thing and frankly you cannot trust him. What a loss for him.