I just need to vent.
My ex did his tax in October, he has earned significantly more so his Child support has gone up.
He is throwing a massive tantrum, saying Im doing a cashie, im dishonest with my earnings (Im not).
So he is getting a solicitor involved and fighting the increase. Wants CS to investigate me. Which is fine, there's nothing to investigate ao happy for them to do it.
I am staying out of it. The main reason I went with CS collect is to avoid any dramas. He has been texting me but I said I wasn't getting involved and won't reply to anything CS related.
He keeps saying Im a shit mum and tells everyone I use his child support for myself- all of which is a lie.
So the reason Im venting is because he has been complaining to my 10 yr old child about it. He says to her "make sure mummy uses the money on you" - "I gave mummy $350 make sure she buys you stuff"
So my 10 yr old now wants me to buy her expensive toys because I can just use dads money but that's not what Child support is about. Im not using that money to spend it mindlessly on whatever.
Im so angry he's involving our child. My child is so confused. Ive told her its grown up stuff and she needs to stay out of it, she doesn't need to worry. That the money helps with rent, water, food, clothes - everyday life. She doesn't get it and I don't want her to get it because she's to young to be involved.
I said I can explain it all when she's older but now she's a child and doesn't need to worry about grown up problems.
Im so angry at him for doing this to her.
This is a place where women from different backgrounds, cultures and beliefs come together to support one another judgement free.
2 Replies
We have just been through this with a child who is now 17 and finally seen the light. It was a hell 5 years though. My advice to you would be to send your ex this -
"Hi Justin,
If you're concerned about my earnings you can report me to the ATO for fraud, I'm sure your solicitor will tell you the same thing so I just saved you money.
I would also like to remind you not to discuss child support with our child. Involving kids in this could be psychological abuse and if she continues to argue on your behalf I'm going to have to take her to counseling which may also mean a report to children's services if her mental health suffers due to your guilt tripping. We would also need to go back to mediation so I can have it stipulated that neither of us can discuss child support with her, or any other adult matters. You're also encouraging her to be entitled and demanding which I don't want for our daughter. Child support is for the child's needs and that includes living expenses. It is not for her to demand I buy her hundreds of dollars worth of toys. Is that really the child you want to raise?
If you have any concerns and think I'm neglecting her needs then you can report me to children's services. I have nothing to hide and honestly you will have some explaining to do if the only problem on my part is that I have not bought her the toy she wanted. "
I would also start mediation to get that out in the open, mediators are really good at letting parents know how their actions affect the kids.
Since your 10yr old is involved I feel it’s for their best intentions to understand budgets. Where money comes from and where it goes. Etc
I left my ex 16 years ago. From the moment my son could understand which was quite young was a great opportunity for me to teach him the importance of finances; budgets, what things cost. Where XYZ income goes to. What we can potentially save towards this or that. He is 18 and is a whiz compared to his peers.
I had a hell experience with my ex and I am thankful 18 years has passed and I no longer have to deal with his drama (the ex).
I feel for your best intentions is to be honest with your child to their intellectual understanding so maybe they can speak up and say that’s not my business or inform you.
If you have nothing to hide you have nothing to worry about.