I have no friends.
Now this is for a few reasons which I won’t get into now. I’ve suffered a great deal of loss and betrayal friendship wise. Something that has proven very hard to get over.
The love of my life just asked me to marry him. This is my second marriage and his first.
I want him to have the wedding he deserves. It’s a beautiful thing - he should get it. I however, having done it already, don’t want one. In saying that, I’m happy to put this aside because I don’t believe him, his family and his friends should miss out on celebrating just because I’ve done it before.
But, I have no one I want to invite besides family. It’s just highlighted to me how I have no friends and what this may look like to others. I have acquaintances but no friends who I would consider close enough to come to my wedding.
What have others done if they have been in this situation? I’m tempted to put my foot down and say I only want a small intimate wedding just so I don’t look like a total loser. But I know that’s selfish of me and I won’t do that to him.
I’m finding it hard to get excited about wedding plans because it just fills me with anxiety about what to do.
11 Replies
Does he know the situation or does he expect your friends to be there? Just explain what the problem is. I dropped a lot of friends after I broke up with my ex because any friend I had was also friends with him and I had serious trust issues after he tried to turn everyone against me. I had no idea who was just trying to get information from me to take back to him (because some were doing that) so I just wiped them all down to acquaintance mode. If something like this has happened to you then he might understand. If he has a lot of friends and family nobody will notice because nobody will know who is who.
He does know the situation and he’s very supportive and understanding.
I know this is my issue but it’s the age old fear of “if I have a party no one will come”
I’ve told him that I won’t be inviting a single “friend” and he said that’s totally fine. I’m just scared it’s going to be a tough night for me and it will really highlight the lack of friendships in my life.
I have a lack of friendships in my life by choice. I have became very selective and I think its pretty common as we get older ;) There's no shame in enjoying your own company or only the company of the people closest to you.
Maybe just invite both families and his close friends. It doesn’t need to be huge. My husband had no friends at ours but everyone there was both our friends, so it didn’t matter.
I think you'll find very few if any will notice, and even if they do a simple "I've become very selective with my friends and unfortunately they couldn't make it tonight". You've said yourself, the party is for him and his to celebrate. Let him invite all his people. If anything just don't abide by the whole his family sits on one side and yours on the other. If needed have a niece or nephew ushering people in to fill empty seats on both sides at the ceremony.
It's a little hurdle, and manageable. Breathe through the tough bits and get planning with your man.
I only invited 2 friends to my wedding and honestly no one said anything and if they did I was way too busy to notice
Does he want a big wedding?? I haven't been married before but my partner has. I do not want a heap of people there at all. I know you are trying to make it special for him but it really does not matter that you have been married before. It's just as much your special day as it is his. Shift the focus to what do we want ;)
I had a cousin who only selected family members he was still in regular contact with. They both said let's invite a set number of people e.g. 20 each from either family or friends. This kept the costs down and it would allow you to allocate all your invites to family members if you took a similar approach?? I did not mind at all that I did not go to his wedding as I barely had anything to do with him and they did mention wanting it to be small and intimate.
Elope. That's what we did.
We did too. We had our 16 month old son their and it was perfect. Neither of us are comfortable in front of others, so eloping was less stressful for both of us
We did too. We had our 16 month old son their and it was perfect. Neither of us are comfortable in front of others, so eloping was less stressful for both of us
I only had my family at our wedding and my husband only had a few friends. Invite people to your wedding who you love and adore and who love and adore you. There's no rule that says you must have equal number of guests or who those guests must be. You are not a loser, sounds like you've been through enough hell and are weary. And that's perfectly fine. You could have a larger ceremony and ask him to have a more intimate reception. Personally we didn't do a reception. We just had dinner with my immediate family. The day should be a blend of what you both want, a compromise, essentially that's what the rest of your lives big decisions are going to be, a discussion and compromise.