Choosing to have a baby on your own . Whos done this with no family support and how was it ?
How did you do it and balance motherhood and making ends meet
Choosing to have a baby on your own . Whos done this with no family support and how was it ?
How did you do it and balance motherhood and making ends meet
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8 Replies
I didn't choose it, but I'm doing it and I have family support and it's incredibly hard.
I'm happy with my life but I wouldn't go into it alone from the start, but that's just me personally.
I’ve been raising my son on my own. I have an incredible support system. Without it I would be totally effed!
20 years ago it was more doable, housing was cheap you could afford to work part time and single parent pension was in place until the child was much older.
Now, unless you have an excellent job and can afford to replace that support network with paid support, NOPE.
Little kids get sick a lot, can’t go to daycare way more than you imagined possible.
I have. It’s really hard. It goes on for years and years. It’s very isolating and depressing. It impacts you and the children in ways people can’t imagine. You hear all the time those married mothers saying they’re ‘basically a single mum’ shows even mums have no idea how much it changes to actually be the only one responsible for it all. Your support network makes all the difference.
I was left alone with babies, not by choice. It was the darned hardest years of my life but I loved them to bits. I would often look at my friends and feel envious and guilty at the same time because they had so much support. It was isolating and never ending. Would I change it, no I would not. They are teens now and that is a different kind of challenging lol. If you follow that path just make sure you find a support network of friends and Babysitters.
I wouldn't. It's hard enough with a partner and stable work and the extra income and the extra person in the house!
It's a nice thought but the reality is that it's relentless. You're never off the clock. Even family support and day care doesn't mean you have someone in your house at night backing you up if it's been a bad day or you're sick or kid is sick or you need a break. And that's with a generally healthy kid and healthy parents - what if the kid is born sick or disabled, or something happens to you?
And unless you have stable (i.e. your own) house I wouldn't even think about it - even the most committed landlord can have a change in their circumstances meaning they sell and you need to move - that happened to us this year and even with 2 full-time, stable incomes and immaculate rental history it's HELL trying to find a new place, competing against dozens of others to possibly get picked.
I adore my kid and I wouldn't change it for anything. But it's also hard and doing it on my own would be brutal.
I was a single mum for 4 years (not by choice) and it was dead set the hardest 4 years of my life! Now that I'm married it's much easier. I wouldn't ever choose to do it alone again.
If I hadn't met my husband I would have had a baby via donor sperm before I got too old. I knew I wanted kids.
That said... when my husband and I fell pregnant we discovered that my body doesn't cope with pregnancy. My pelvis separated, I couldn't lie down or I was stuck and my hips were dislocated, i couldn't dress etc. That happened quite early into the pregnancy. I needed my husband to help. My mum came when he couldn't be there.
When the baby came, I had huge feeding issues and for the first 6 weeks, every time my milk let down I blacked out. So I needed to be supervised.
I never could have predicted those things and I needed someone living with me 24/7. If you have support to access if you have unforeseen difficulties.... I say go for it. But don't bank on everything going smoothly.
In saying all this though I don’t think that means don’t do it, it just means build up your finances, your home security, your career, and your support network before doing it.