Hey sisters,
I feel unappreciated in my relationship.
I work part time, at least 4-5 nights a week, and have 4 kids with my partner of 13 years (who isn't working).
I get home from my shift just after 11pm and nothing has been tidied, dishes are sitting on the sink, the loungeroom is trashed with toys, food packets and dirty dishes. It's all left for me to do. I do everything. School drop offs and pickups every day, cleaning, washing, dishes, shopping. The only thing I don't do is cooking as I'm at work.
I've been sleeping on the lounge for the past two or so months as I feel so unappreciated and used. It's hard to find my partner attractive when I feel like this. I've told him I'm tired of doing it all but he "does stuff too" because occasionally he'll take a bag of rubbish out to the bin.
*Editing to add
He spends most of his time outside smoking 🍃 (which majority I've paid for but don't do) and watching YouTube videos, the rest of the time he's sleeping, even during the day. The kids will eat quick meals they can do themselves on nights I work (the eldest 2 cater for the younger 2). I've asked the eldest what dad does when I'm at work and he says he sits outside the whole time.
I feel so unwanted, unloved and taken advantage of. I don't know where to turn from here. Any advice would be greatly appreciated xx
12 Replies
Time to kick him to the kerb. He’s a lazy pig and you deserve better.
Take your bed back. That fucker will live like this indefinitely. Put him on the couch at least, but you need to make a decision and it sounds like nothings changed at all. So if you stay, this is what you stay with.
Love this lol
My ex of 14 yrs was like this . Know what I did? Packed the kids up and left . No excuses to be a moocher. Ever.
You're part time, he cooks dinner when you're at work and does other stuff occasionally and the house is trashed? Sounds like this is an issue for both of you and possibly your okder kids too. Assign some tasks to everyone. This doesn't sound like a 'just him' issue?
Nowhere does it say he cooks.. the kids get their own, And he sometimes takes the bins out, wtf!? He should be doing 50% minimum. He’s the parent too, he can delegate. Why are women still expected to give tasks to their adult partners? Shits me!
To the IM- Fuck him off!
Life is too short to live like this. I used to and after I tried everything I could think of to get my partner to help, we separated.
It wasn't what I planned in life, but almost four years on I am so much happier than I ever was before. And my housework has somehow decreased!
I'm also a much better parent, far more patient, and I have found a partner who is respectful and supportive. He wants to help me and do things with me because he wants to make my life easier, just as I want to do the same for him.
I'm not saying you necessarily have to end it, you need to decide what is right for you and fight for that, but look after yourself. You are not expecting too much and you deserve more than this.
Oh the amount of money I spent supporting the same habit I also never had.. I could probably own a few houses lol! But seriously, this was exactly my life for 15 years (including DV) and it's been close to 5 years since I left and God it feels amazing on the other side x you will hit a point of just not caring anymore (if you haven't already) and leaving honestly won't be as bad as you think. I'd talk to your work now about the possibility of working week days, because for me, that was why I stayed so long, I couldn't see a way out, and once that happened I found it freeing to leave. Good luck Mumma, you've got this x
He is not contributing to the household at all. You will find it so much easier without him.
I would be taking steps to leave with the kids or tell him to move out.
Time to go, men will get away with what you let them get away with, he's not a great partner nor role model for your kids. You will get some assistance form Centrelink possibly if you go out on your own, maybe some rent assistance and also agree with another contributor that your kids can help you also so give them jobs to do.
I could have written this last year. I was working full-time, hubby not working and I would come home to atrocious messes and have to clean between shifts, he would just sit around smoking and playing Xbox and did nothing to help at all.
I left him in January this year. We do 50/50 care of the kids, that's probably been the hardest part as I miss them terribly when they are at their dads place. But I'm calmer and happier when they are here, I cut my hours a back a little so I could spend more quality time with them and I'm no longer left to clean up his mess and he has no choice but to clean his own mess now. The kids have their own chores to help keep on top of the house when they are here too, they are boys so I find this extremely important because I don't want them to become husband's who don't help their wives when they are older (age appropriate chores of course).
I think given the fact that you do it all yourself anyway I would be asking your partner to move out or finding another place.
He need to seek help, but you don’t have to let your needs go because he won’t get the help. You can support him through getting support, but living seperate with seperate finances would be my only option here.