So my partner and I have the passcodes to each other’s phones. One day I looked at his phone because I know he had been looking things up he wanted to buy to give me ideas of what to get him for Xmas. While I was looking at his phone a text message came through from his ex wife (they share 3 kids together). Her message was about the kids. I did scroll up to earlier messages and found that 3 months or so earlier he had sent her a text saying he loves and misses her. She responded back shooting him down saying that it might be how he feels but he has a partner who wouldn’t like that message (she was right - I didn’t) and that it wasn’t appropriate to sent a text like that as she is engaged to someone else. I think that was a fair response from her. I confronted my partner about it and asked him about it. He said that not long before that she had been nice to him (she normally yells at him) and that it felt like old times and he was just having a moment, that is was nothing to worry about, and he loves and is committed to me. I told him to prove his love for me through his actions because when he said he loved me I cringed because he had written that to her too, that was about 4 weeks ago or so. I am undecided if I am going to stay with him (he doesn’t know that). He seems to be saying all the right words but is a bit hit and miss (more so miss) with following through on his actions eg when he says he is going to help out with something. Anytime I bring it up he gets angry and says to me aren’t I over that yet to which I reply my feelings aren’t in his schedule and remind him he was the CU in the NT not me. Am I being daft or can we come back from this? He says he did not sleep with her which I believe especially from her response. He says he is 100% over her, should I give him more time to make it up to me? He says he wants to.
Found a text from my partner to his ex wife saying he loves and misses her now I’m lost
Found a text from my partner to his ex wife saying he loves and misses her now I’m lost
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
14 Replies
Honestly, I think saying that to an ex wife is different to saying that to another woman. He'll probably always love and miss her in some way. That doesn't mean he'd want to leave you even if it was an option. I think you need to either understand or leave.
Disagree. I'll never always love and miss my ex in some way even tho we have 5 kids . 18 yrs after our divorce and I still feel the same ... nothing.
Disagree, it’s not normal to love and miss your ex. Why would he love and miss her? They’re Ex’s for a reason, having children doesn’t solidify love.
I definitely don't love and miss my ex-husband... Not at all 😳.. I'd be concerned if my husband loved and missed his ex-wife. I respect him as the father of my children but do not love him at all!!
How long have you been together?
Do you have kids together?
How long had they been split before you got together?
She shows him the slightest bit of kindness and he is hers again, plus she isn't some random, they see each other regularly and have a history.
I would be very concerned about him not being over her and "settling" with you.
I commented above. I agree with this too. The only thing is I don't see him leaving because every man I know who still loves his wife was left. They didn't leave. He probably won't leave the OP because he knows his ex won't take him back, regardless of how much he wants his family to be whole again.
I wouldn't want to be with a man that stays because another woman won't take him back.
What a miserable and sad existence, I would rather be single.
I say that as a single person.
Me too. I don't blame him though. He's trying to move on. OP needs to understand or go. Half the time they miss the life they dreamt of aa a family rather than the ex themselves too.
Nope a taken person should not be saying that. If he just had to send something he could have chosen a more respectful way to phrase it. But he didn’t. He was inappropriate and tested the waters. Some would, some would not. Now you know what side he is.
Well bravo to his ex wife! What a woman. It says more about her than it does him. I am so glad she shut him down. What if she wasn’t like this? What is she was completely opposite of this. Would he have started something behind your back or left. He probably misses the family unit that he had with her but how humiliating for you. She would think that he’s still after her and he has you.no wonder you feel so hurt. I think i would leave. I would always doubt it in my head. Is he just settling with you because she doesn’t want him. You’d feel like he is.
He'd cheat on you with her in a heart beat if she was all for it. Only reason he hasn't is bcoz she isn't interested . I wouldn't trust him. You're just a back up for him .
I would leave ASAP. No good man, that respects his partner would say that to an Ex. That is beyond disrespectful, he doesn’t get a pass, because they were married and had kids. Their relationship is over, and he should be respecting you and not saying that to other women. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s the type of guy that always thinks the “grass is greener on the other side”. Maybe he wasn’t nice to her, so she left, and now he’s taking you for granted? He’s allowed to feel whatever way he wants but it’s the fact he had the balls to send her a text. I would run!! You don’t deserve that.
I don't think I'd be able to get over this. And certainly not if he's being a dick and getting angry every time you bring it up.
No way should a man in a relationship be sending messages like that to anyone.
I personally would not stay with him, because if he has those feelings for someone else, and actively seeks her out by sending that message, he's not committed to you long term, to the exclusion if all others.
Men don't say things like that to a woman just because they're "having a moment".
So the first time she's vaguely nice to him, he's trying to get back together - even though BOTH of you are in relationships.
He's obviously not over her the way he should be if he's moving on with you.
I'd be moving on from this guy, I wouldn't be able to trust him again. I certainly wouldn't ever get past wondering if he's still thinking about her, and since they have kids, they're tied together forever.
How confusing. On one hand it suggests he is normally trustworthy as you share phones etc openly. I would look at his behaviour and consistency over time. She has shut him down and it is so good that you can see her and appreciate her for this. If it was me I would thank her so she feels she can tell you in future as well. For some people it's more about wanting the family unit back together and missing the kids. This would not be a complete deal breaker for me depending on his behaviour. Has he ever given you any other reason not to trust him?? I would still say to him that you need to learn to trust him again and that this will take time. Do not attach it to the things he does in the home as most men will probably fail lol. Attach it to the effort he puts into reassuring you and let him know you need this from him. Sometimes you have to spell it out.
Really it's up to you, only you know how he is over time and if you want to stay or go ((hugs))