Hi IMs,
If you were going through a long term rough ill health period that significantly effected your fatigue levels, would your partner step up to help you? What things does your partner do to take care of the house, yard, shopping, dinner and decisions etc? Would your partner care for you?
Trying to hang in there but my partner is whinging that he does so much - he does the dishes in the evening and puts a load of the washing on in the morning, a weekly school run and puts together prepared dinners on the weekend. I am having to call an ambulance or urgent help regularly, trying to do everything else. I’m trying to find a housekeeper but it’s proving hard to find good help. I just don’t understand why it’s always up to the woman to make everything happen?
9 Replies
It's not up to the woman. He's doing the bulk of it and voicing his di a pleasure at this like any other adult in that situation. Can you get homecare via ndis?
I don't think that's the bulk of it
Doing the dishes in the evening, throwing a load on in the morning, doing the school run once a week and heating up some pre-prepared food on the weekends is far from the "bulk" of what it takes to maintain a home/raise a family.
Yes my husband does as much as he can daily. Dishes, washing, pick kids up if need be. He has no choice if I’m sick. He doesn’t complain, he knows I would if I could.
I don't get it either, some men, well many men think that they don't need to do housework and anything they do is a favour or helping or "so much" like your husband thinks. We are expected to work full time now but majority of men have not stepped up to at least 50% of the house work. I hope your health improves, it's sad that the little 'help' you're currently getting is probably causing you more stress which is not good for your health. If there are any services available to you use them.
I am the full time carer for my husband. 7 years in and I'm exhausted. Physical, medical, domestic and full time work. I whinge A LOT. Carer fatigue is real. IMO I don't believe your hubby is doing any more than normal parenting activities. I too have started paying people to do things for me and value my time and sanity. I'm lucky I earn enough to do this. Can you get him to some couples counseling where each of you can be heard and the facilitator can help you both agree to what each other's limits are. Once you understand this, then you can progress to 'division of labour' - you, him and outside help. Please make sure YOU say NO more and don't put your hand up for anything - make the facilitator encourage him to step up or agree to pay outsiders. Use the powerful SILENCE in the conversation to get him into the space. Only by you stepping back will you get more help. Yes men are entitled, but we have to stop letting them be...
Umm mine will put washing on, hang it out, feed animals, cook dinner, wash dishes, vacuum the floor, tell the kids to go to bed, pick kids up etc. and do anything he thinks needs doing even when I am not sick. We are a team, he may be mowing the lawn while I am doing the dishes or mopping. Two days ago a bottle smashed on the floor and he was the first one there cleaning it up. I used to live with someone who did not even know how to turn the washing machine on. I now see how unequal the workload was and appreciate what I have now. Having said all of this if you can get someone to take some of that burden off you both then please do it. We are not supposed to spend our lives cleaning, it does not exactly make it joyful ;)
I had my husband read your post, his response- “he’s a fucking whinger”.
And I can tell you my husband hasn’t even reached his full potential but he does a hell of a lot more than that on a regular basis and I’m not even ill.
Hubby needs to step up and shut up 👍 because we’d do that for them and we do that for them on the daily
For the last 12 months, I have had 4 surgeries and chemotherapy. My husband has done the bulk of chores this entire time. Yes, some things have not been done and the house is not perfect, but the important stuff is. I do what I can, but when hanging out one load of washing exhausts you, you can't do too much else. Honestly, it is not that much to ask while you are unwell.