I don't know what to do. I arranged for hubby and I to catch up with some friends for lunch recently, but I messed up the date. Hubby was going off tap while we were waiting - turns out I had the date wrong by a couple of weeks. Hubby has been super irrational lately - every mistake I make is blown up into a huge fight and threats of leaving - at times he is frightening. It's like living on the knife edge. The last time we fought he said it was my last chance - if I stuffed up again then he would leave. I would just come home one day and he would be gone. Because I could see him winding up, instead of owning up to my mistake, I dumped my friend in it, blaming her. I want to come clean with her in case this comes up when we catch up later. I can't come clean with hubby as he will leave and I am not in a secure position right now. The guilt and fear is eating me up!
16 Replies
Wow he is projecting something bad. He's upto no good my dear, and I'm guessing it's nasty. Piss him off
Does he have a drug problem?
If that happened to me, getting dates mixed up, we would think it's funny and make the most of it. You shouldn't be on eggshells
You know you can’t stay in this. You’ll probably never be fully ready to go. Tell your friend, but if you trust her, tell her everything. This is your chance to open the door to support and understanding and help and getting ready to make your move.
Why are you so scared of him? Honestly this is no big deal and you should not. E afraid to speak up to him. I think he is on drugs and you need to find a safe place to go and leave him. He sounds like a controlling addict. Please know you don’t have to accept this and you are better than this and deserve better. You shouldn’t have to live this way.
This is what you do. Confide in your friend and leave his miserable drug addict ass and go stay with your friend. End it and cut contact with him for good. You sound very scared of him over something that you should find amusing. I think he is an undercover addict. His behaviour explains it. Check it car for drug paraphernalia and drugs. Under seats, glove box. Shed? Bedroom? Get out of there.
Use your friend for support open up to her and get out of the situation you are in. Not getting good vibes here at all.
He sounds like a snarky arsed closet user meth addict . I'd give him a drug test, it'll explain his behaviour. If he refuses, I'd fuck him off myself bcoz that's a red hot admission of guilt. Little fucking worm.
Sounds like my ex and I read this and felt so glad I don't have to deal with that anymore, always feeling afraid like you have to hide everything from him because of his anger. You don't need to put up with this!
You pack his bags with a "don't let the door hit you..."
It may take a while for you to gain the confidence to do so, it may take external help. Call 1800 RESPECT, tell your closest most trustworthy friend, start stashing important things away from the house. This is the very first minute of your new life mate. Every step, every hour, every piece of your network you build, every scrap of self-esteem you claim back - it's all about becoming free.
My ex started using ice and became angry, irrational, nasty and vile. He was definitely projecting on me, impulsive and cheating. When he didn't get his way, he was scary.
That was 5 years ago. He says he is clean now, I really hope he is but I'll never trust him ever again.
If this a huge behavioural change, he might be addicted to Meth.
I wish you the best but if he wants to leave, let him and change the locks.
My ex was also like this, again sadly as other have suggested - my ex was on meth. It was a horrible and scary time and deeply traumatic for me
This was my husband. Turns out he had ADHD and anxiety. He saw someone and he said it was literally like he was trying to create chaos within our relationship and push push push for that fight but figured he’d be able to fix it. Kind of forgetting the fact there are two people in the relationship and it only works if the other is willing to be treated like that. He started medication and I have my old husband back. Please have a read about it all, I may be off the mark but it could save things. I was so close to leaving, I was walking on egg shells constantly, I felt like he had this distain for my presence and would look at me like ‘why are you speaking’. Honestly getting that diagnoses was the only thing that saved us. Good luck!
You don’t come clean to your friend, take your power back and leave your husband. He’ll come begging back because you’re in an abusive relationship and he won’t like you taking your life back.
Seek DV help. I promise you can and will be better off without him.
Don’t come clean, tell friend and get support. Start making plans to leave
This is abuse.