When his dad had a stroke. I took myself to the hospital by my self, to check on him. when he was run over by the car he was working on, and when he had prostate cancer, again, I cared enough to pop in on pah when I went to town....
My mother has stage 4 cancer. She invited us over for a BBQ tonight... This morning our son was as always, a nightmare to get ready for school, so I sent my hubby a text saying he no longer leaves for work until our son has left for school, as I'm not doing it any more. Well, because of that, he said he wasn't going to the BBQ. I was so dam angry, I told my mother I couldn't come, because I was so dam angry, I didn't think I was in the right state to drive. I have NEVER refused to spend time with his family, EVER.... I have just lost all respect for him right now
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15 Replies
I would have still went without him and from here on in , until he appologises abd helps me with said child , I would attend no more of his functions either. Petty? Yes but idgaf
I did not feel safe to drive. I was full of anxiety, and rage (kept the rage to myself) my mother understood and I'll going over for morning tea tomorrow.
I won't avoid his family functions, I love my inlaws and its not their fault my hubby can be down right spiteful
But you avoided your own mums, who is suffering from cancer. You need to get rid of your husband if he is like this to you. time is precious with your mum and you’ll never get that chance back.
I don't think you're in the wrong here for feeling the way you do.
But... what you did wasn't fair and you owe him an apology. While you were clearly overwhelmed and stressed out by the situation with your child, you vented that frustration AT your husband via text message while he was at work. Out of the blue. Demanding that he take responsibility for something he had no way to know was happening or to do anything about at the time. I used to do this exact same thing to my husband, and the majority of our "discussions" (fights) used to happen by text. He called me out on it and said it really upset him when I did it and he found it hard to focus at work and ruined the rest of his day. Plus he was missing important stuff at work while he was texting me. He says he used to give up and block me for the rest of the day so he could focus. I see now what a shit thing that was to do to him and how upset I'd be if he did it to me.
While it's not possible for me to know whether he's being petty or punishing you for it, or if he feels really hurt by what you did. I think I'd find it hard to socialise or want to go out if I hadn't had a chance to resolve things after an incident or argument like that.
And maybe in the future, save it and have the "you need to help me out more" discussion when he's home and you're calm. If you feel the need to vent (to him) about struggling to get your child out the door, while he's at work, maybe text and ask him if he has time to talk about it then and there, at least that way you're not blindsiding him with blame and anger. Otherwise, find another way to deal and save the big discussions for when he can focus on you.
This isn't a one off, but 99% of school mornings, and getting ready to go anywhere else thing. I have begged my hubby several times, until I'm blue in the face. He cops the same behaviour and disrespect from our son, but when he sees me go through it, I'm over reacting and picking on our son..... our other child has no behavioural issues....My partner works for himself, and I really don't regret the text.
I know people will suggest mental heal appointments, well been there done that.
As I said, I have no insight as to your relationship with your husband or whether he's also being unreasonable.
However, even if it's something you go through daily, even if you've begged and pleaded until you're blue in the face and had all the calm conversations and discussions and fights and stresses, and even if he works for himself, I don't think sending an angry text blaming HIM for you having a difficult morning when he wasn't there is fair. And I'd say the same if the roles were reversed.
I'm sorry you're having trouble with your son's behaviour. It definitely sounds like you both need to work together on helping your son. If he's having a hard time, he needs both of you on the same page to help him.
Is that part of why he didn’t want to go out? The son who can’t get ready?
Do you work as well?
Is it your biological child or just his?
Bio
Unpopular opinion, but if he's the only worker in the house, I think you should get kids ready and do school run.
Wait do you go to work? Or you sent him a message at work telling him rules of how/when he can leave the house? I know you were frustrated but how did you expect him to respond.
Then you punished yourself by not going to your mums. You probably needed some space from each other as well. But staying home because you’re mad at him to punish him is only punishing yourself and making yourself madder. If you went to your mums you’d probably feel a lot better, and have a better plan of attack for both son and husband issues.
She practically said son acts up all the time in the mornings, so that tells me her husband is very aware of this issue and chooses to tune out and leave her to it time after time while he just gets on with his own day. Wrong.
He's going to work?
My son has ASD and school refusal. I work FT and so does my husband. But my husband starts earlier so I can work later and he does school pickup. That means he gets happy the day is over kids. But I've never told my husband that he can't leave for work on time. That's over the top. Find another way to make it easier. Also, go to see your mum without him. He punished you for bring unreasonable. But you punished your mum for him being unreasonable. Stage 4 means you are on borrowed time. I think you're reacting because you know that. But you need to priorise your time with her and sort out everything else outside of that. You will regret it otherwise. Your mum will understand, but don't let this happen again xx
Pfft ignore the morons saying "but he is going to work". Whoopy do. You are at the end of your rope and getting no help at all from your husband. You have begged for help and support and got none so you snapped. That's what happens and you have nothing to apologise for. You do not have to be a saint just because your husband is going to work. What a joke to expect that!!
Your husband is being a baby. He didn't get his own way so had a sook and refused to go to the BBQ.
Time for a serious talk man up or get out. Either he helps and supports you through something difficult or you are better off not having to worry about him. All he is at this point is baggage. You have every right to be angry.