My sister has left her 2 kids - one with severe disability.
Filed for a divorce and left the county for another man. In this process she has left no carers or Ndis support for my disabled niece & my ex brother in law. At the same time she has drawn up a document allowing no one from the family access to the kids ! We are all devastated.
The poor guy is trying to raise 2 girls paying rent, working shift work. He has help from his mum also that works. But apparently we cannot help- even though we (our whole family ) has a great relationship with him & the kids.we message and talk to him but that’s about it.
Can anyone give some advice ?
I would appreciate it
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22 Replies
Well her document would mean FA, what he does now is completely up to him. Are you sure she’s actually still alive and doing all this?
I don't think this document saying your family can't see the kids is a real thing, if he has custody then it's actually completely up to him who they see, I'm sure lots of mums would like to write documents saying exs can't take kids to see certain family, friends, partners haha it's not a thing. Also I have a child under NDIS if the child had a plan amd supports set up then he can definitely still access them or do you mean she didn't have an NDIS plan or supports before she left, if there is a pla he can access and us it, if there isn't a plan then he can organise one, it's a pain but he is a legal parent so it's the same as for every parent he doesn't need wife to set it up for him.
This seems so sus! Are you sure she's definitely alive? Have you talked on the phone or seen her? Not just text or email. If not, I'd be calling the police and saying she's a missing person. Sorry but I've watched a lot of true crime shows so my mind instantly went to this being a really sus situation.
I don’t think that document would have any legal standing. Challenge it.
Care is care. She is in another country.
Once a parent has left the country without proper parenting orders in place, the parent left with care of the children can file an emergency order in court getting them full custody of all medical and parental rights if they can show the other party has abandoned the children, physically and financially. The document unless it is a family court parenting order will not hold up against family court. Family court Trump's other court systems within Australia and any orders made through the family court system will supersede the original document.
She said county, not country.
She may be American?
I think she just misspelled it, ndis is Australian
yeah, you're right, didn't pick that up.
Something isn’t right here. Report her as a missing person. No court order would stand. Just go see the kids would you 🤦🏼♀️
Have you seen the document for yourself? I can't think of any document that would be legal that would say that. Unless she got a restraining order against each of you on behalf of the kids which is highly unlikely. It's weird that he would be honouring whatever kind of document it is if she just left them, it's not like she has a say now. Are you sure it's not him that is making stuff up? Maybe he thought your family would take the kids when she left? Ask for a copy of the document and tell him you want to take it to a lawyer. If he comes up with excuses you know he's lying and you're best to seek advice to see if there's a way to see the kids.
Sorry to go off topic a bit here and I'm not trying to minimize your dilemma, I've already commented on that, but how different is it when it's a man that goes through this! Poor guy still working shift work, has Mum helping him and everyone else wanting to help 😂. When it's women who have been left with the kids, no sign of Dad, there's no way she would be able to work shift work with kids especially a disabled child because nobody would help! Nobody would care. She would need to change jobs or quit altogether because the support is not there. Everyone rushes around a man in the same predicament though, why isn't he trying to find a job that suits his responsibilities as his children's sole carer? We're any of you so eager to help when she had the kids or is it just when he has them? Maybe she had enough and couldn't do it anymore because of no help that's why she up and left! How helpful was he before she left?
I make it a point not to, and the capable ones don’t want it. Treat them with some respect. Having said that, if he’s suddenly been left in the lurch he’s getting support, it probably won’t last long.
Rubbish. I have a friend with a severely disabled child that had help coming from every direction when she and her husband separated, despite her being a registered nurse and highly capable. The fact is she needed support with managing. Likewise, another friend whose kids have no additional needs has heaps of support. Her kids come home to our house 3 days a fortnight to help accommodate her work hours. I work later, so my hubby does school pick up. She has other people helping her too. Between them and us, her kids still get after school play dates and sports too. Being a woman in no way decreases supports offered. I find I'm much more willing to offer support to people who don't take it for granted though
Just because a few people you know had support doesn't speak for everyone. Did they work night shifts and had people fighting to help? No. Society treats mother's and father's differently when it comes to parenting, you will never hear anyone say all the things a mother does every day but if a father does a few loads of washing and cooks dinner it's made out to be some kind of feat. The OPs post is a good example "poor guy" did she say the same thing about her sister when she had them, doubtful. The kids and workload that goes with them hasn't changed only the carer.
Help is offered to people who need it and are surrounded by kind people with capacity to assist. Gender has nothing to do with it. Join a mum's group and you'll have offers all the time. Even when you don't have any need for it.
I was thinking this too . There's definitely a gender imbalance here, like it or not, it does unfortunately exist in the majority.
I thought the same as a single mum with a child with disabilities.
He obviously wasn't involved much before, if it's such a big deal for him to take over parenting duties.
Mum could have fled due to burnout/mental health issues.
That’s not how the NDIS works. If the daughter has an. NDIS funding and it hasn’t been used up, he can access it. It’s a very simple process. If he’s confused he just needs to ring the 1800 number.
He should have already known how to access it.
If there is no support workers it means the mum wasn’t getting any help either.
Dad will need to readjust his work life.
Unless there is a restraining order or child protection order, that prevents you being in contact with the kids, Dad can say who he wants involved.
If you aren’t involved it’s because he doesn’t want you.
Sounds like a lie to me. When was the last time you saw your sister in person?
OP can you please update us as to if you have gotten ahold of your sister and know for sure she is still alive and this story that you've been told is true?
I read a story like that, a man forced his stepdaughter to write a letter saying she had run away then he killed her, she didn't get reported missing for years, only when her little sister got old enough to realise it wasn't right and even then she struggled to get taken seriously.
You can't file for divorce until you have been separated for 12 months. Were they separated for 12 months or has she just upped and left recently. If it's recently that is a red flag that something isn't right about the whole situation. I'm going to answer as if this is not a red flag situation (because I hope it isn't)
NDIS is linked to the child not the carer so he can access it. But it sounds to me like she didn't bother getting the plan renewed which is why he doesn't have access. Is that correct? If so he needs to contact NDIS and ask for help to get a new plan. Also speak to the supports she did have in place, they will know what to do to help this get sorted quickly.
Secondly her document to stop you seeing the kids is worth less then used toilet paper in this situation. Who the children see is up to him.
He needs to get in contact with Centrelink and Carers Gateway for advice and support.
Possibly even speak to his daughters school. They will have resources they can refer him onto.
And he needs a lawyer to get this all documented so that she can't come back when this new relationship goes to the dogs and cause to much trouble. File an emergency custody order asap.