Hi I’m 45 and have a man 29 asking me to date him. We get along so well but I’m scared about the age gap as I am a lot older l. I know if the ages were reversed no one would care but as I’m older I am worried that people may thing I’m some type of weirdo. Can this work?
38 Replies
I'm 50 and my husband of 18yrs is 36, only two years older than my son. My best friend is 44 and her partner of 4 yrs is 28. Her son is 25 and his partner is 46, older than her ! Yes it can work it's normal these days to have such gaps in age . I know many several couples with big age gaps . These are just a few examples .
You married an 18 year old at 32?
He was 19
I'm a bit scared to ask but how long were you dating before you married him?
You were dating a child? That's too young
Just because you're still together, doesn't make it right.
What you consider normal, some of us see as creepy and predatory.
Op, he's 29, a grown up.
Why not give it a go and see where it goes.
Good luck.
She's been with her husband almost two decades, he was a consenting adult, you bitches have absolutely disgusting thoughts, this was practically 20 years ago. Very normal in them days .
Nah it's way more normal today, you see this going on all the time, especially with the rich and famous. Love is love when it's a consensus . I was 18 and one month when my partner and I got together and he was 39. We are still together too 13 years on. This is not taboo. Stop age shaming people in long term loving relationships. Just because it isn't your situation doesn't mean you have the right to shame anybody different to you, and incase you haven't noticed relationships over 18 are perfectly legal, regardless what your 'moral' opinion is .
well he just made it when they got married, he might have been under 18 when they got together.
Yeah, they got married when he was 18 so obviously would have had to have a relationship before that, at least a year or two. 18 year old boys are rarely fully developed anyway, they don't look like men to me, not until they're 20/21 and filled out a bit more. They basically stop growing taller at 18 then spend the next year or so filling out. They don't often have full facial hair until 20's either which proves my point. It would feel like being with a kid 🤢
Noone is age shaming. We just understand the serious discrepancies in cognitive development between 18 years olds and adults in their 30's. We're expressing our dislike of predatory, grooming and coercive behaviour.
The same age gap where the younger party has reached cognitive maturity is absolutely fine.
If it were a man, we would say he's a creepy old perv.
But because it's a woman, is it liberating?
Socially okay for a thirty something to be with a 17-18 year old?
You know most 17-18 olds are still at high school.
It's the same with the male teachers versus the female teachers taking advantage of students, women always get lesser sentences. It's documented. Some of the male students even get high 5s, but guess what, they have been traumatised/damaged just as much as the female student.
He seeked me out you condescending snarky triggered little scrag . Why don’t you ask instead of assuming in your small little mind that he was somehow raped and groomed 🙄 You are so misinformed it ain’t even funny. Read my response to the lady above you and you’ll see some answers. Not the other way around and almost 20 years on we are still madly in love. His family adore me and always have. Why don’t you dig at the other age gap stories here as well . There’s about five I’ve read but yet you choose mine 😂😂. You sound very offended by my love story and for that, I feel sorry for you. Moral policing those you have no idea about . Go to bed little woman, you need a nap.
Nope he was 19 , just a couple months before he was 20 , we were dating 5=years before we were married , he was 24 when we married, I see how I wrote that … relationship of 18 years. He was and is still 145kg and we look similar in age and still do. I look very young for my age and admittedly a bit ditzy and I weigh 57kilos, I still look very girly , he’s always looked much older and he’s way more mature than I’ll ever be, I’m still a big kid at heart where he’s the serious, smart mature one who chased me, bless him, there’s many dynamics, he also had a 6 month old when we met. He still doesn’t have full facial hair but always had a very hairy chest. Anything else?
See how people put stories on here that are completely inaccurate.
So when you dig a bit deeper, you get the truth.
Nearly 20, with a child, married later.
It's like the ones that say they live off $120 per week (family of 4) and you question them further and it turns out they aren't counting a lot of things in that amount.
People are full of crap.
And FYI, the other stories didn't involve children.
She was still with him for nearly 20 years you moron, what's the difference westher she was married , defacto, engaged, boyfriend, or whatever ... they were still together a long time
Who effing CARES! You lot seen the news on Billie Eilish? She's 20 and her partner is 31. Anyone above 18 is legal. My grandparents were together all their long lives , she was 18 and pop was 30 when they dated and married 6 months later
Legal big age gaps have been going on since the beginning of time. It's just back then it was less common for women to be the older one. Stop making something out of nothing you should be ashamed of yourselves, ive logged on here and see this thread , I'm amazed by the sheer ignorance of some of these comments.
Ladies and OP , be with who you want 2 be with , if you gel 2gether and it's working, more power 2 y'all. No one should be telling anyone who they should and shouldn't love.
No problem with age gaps or who the older one is, as long as both are physically and mentally fully mature which is not 18 year old males. My son is 18, if he brought home a 32 year old girlfriend I would be mortified, couldn't think of anything weirder.
I'll try to explain this as simple as I can:
Our point was, if they married at 18 (which she said), he would most likely not have been legal age when they got together.
However, since she has clarified they got together when he was just short of 20, married later, then yes, he was legal age when they got together.
How long they have been together is not the point, how old he was when they got together was the critical detail.
Also, when you name call, it makes everything you say null and void after because all respect is lost.
You couldn't think of anything weirder? Let's hope your son doesn't have sex before marriage then. Or a father at 18. Or turn out gay, lets hope he doesnt get a love for cross - dressing or hang out at swingers parties , let's hope he doesn't get fillers or join a religious cult. You know ... since you couldn't think of anything weirder and all.. If you find adult consensual relationships weird, you'll find anything weird
Weirdo.
None of that seems weirder to me because they aren't potentially coercive.
I wonder if these people swear and name call in real life when people don't share their opinion.
I've just read this whole thread. Where's the swearing? Are you seriously ok?
So yes, you do talk like that, so much so that you aren't even aware of it.
Who "effing" cares, bitches, scrag, moron, weirdo.
Just a normal day for you?
I guess we all have different standards.
Who are you talking to? We are still trying to figure out where the 'swearing' is???
Not the OP but ummm none of that is weird. If my sons are gay/bi/transgender etc I wouldn't bat an eye. A father at 18? Well, first of all, I'd be asking why the hell he wasn't using the freaking condoms he keeps in his room.
However if my 18yo brought home a woman double his age, I would actually have some serious questions. And I come from a different angle. My husband is 10 years older than me and we copped a lot of questions. I was 25 at the time and really quite immature. We've been together for a very long time. A gf is 45 and has a 23yo partner. The things that they have had to consider are things like children, career, retirement etc. They love each other a lot but are at very different stages of life and this is actually affecting their relationship.
Not only are you a judgmental cow the lady who said she wouldn’t bat an eye, but you are a condescending hypercritical liar. Bat to your head more like it, knock some sense into you.
Them days? What 2002?? I can assure you it was NOT normal
How old are you,? It was very normal to have these situations in the 'olden days' . I'm in my 6th decade and couples like this were around then and still are. It's just more talked about now . You are too young to be commenting on things you know nothing about. The amount of uneducated young girls on here is utterly astounding . I am totally in agreement with the comments on here about long lasting relationships in large age gaps working . Because they do for lots of people. You're stereo typing that its somehow gross . It isn't gross oe wrong for those who've made it work. Plenty of couples the same age don't make it work at times either. It's not age . It's maturity.
Maturity relates to actual brain development... not just likes and interests. That's why we have a problem with the younger party being so young. Perhaps you are misguided in who you are calling uneducated.
Also, the lady that commented and started this debate lied. She hasn't been married to a 36 year old for 18 years. She started dating him after that and he had a number of years to mature before marrying her. It's the same as me saying my husband and I have been married since we were 11. We weren't. We first "dated" at 11. We broke up for 10 years and later married when we were 28.
Marriage and engagement and dating are the same thing. Still together based on whatever you want to call it . She never lied . You's 'broke up' as kids. This woman didn't , it was ongoing till current when he was an 18year old adult. It's not hard to understand. Stop being triggered by a another lady's situation that you don't understand
Well I'm 31 and my husband is 50. We met when I was 27. It's completely up to you, it may work it may not. I feel 29 is old enough though, it's not like he's barely out of school and just becoming an adult. Yeah people will judge (they do judge older man/younger woman relationships too) but so what? Maybe go on a few dates and see how you vibe first :)
Look, you're both consenting adults so no one else's opinions really matters at the end of the day.
Do I think age gap relationships last? I'm sure some probably do. I personally have seen a lot of age gap relationships fall apart though. Usually for these reasons:
1. Difference in maturity levels.
2. Conflicting life stages.
I have a mate who is 32, she dated a 20 year old. They had so many problems because he was busy living the life of a party boy, he'd pick juvenile fights with her etc.
She wanted him to settle down and grow up because she was ready to start having kids.
Neither of them were bad people, they were just terrible together because they were in such different places in their lives.
So I feel like that's definitely something you should consider. What does the future look like for you guys when you're edging towards 50 and he's only in his early 30s?
As an example, does he want children at some point?
Honestly I do know a few people in age gap (over 10 years) relationships but most of them are where the man is older, I do know one where the woman is older (she's 11 years older) and they are on the verge of breaking up due to his immaturity. I would tread carefully, see how it goes but be prepared that you two may not be on the level.
It can work depending on your common values and interests. Does he have kids? Does he want more? What are your life goals? Do they align? I think 29 is old enough to know what you want in life and he should be out of the party stage. Yes you'll get judged because older woman/younger man relationships are not as common and yes some will think you're weird and wonder why you'd want to date a younger man. Can you deal with that? There's a lot of questions and things you'll need to work through first but if you feel strongly enough about him why not give it a go
I think it would be fine but it may only be a season.
Maturity long term can play a part.
But also aging I have seen a few long term big age gaps fall apart when the elder of the two faces some significant health related challenges
People will judge you but the only opinions that matter are yours and his and God’s. People will judge you over anything and everything
I have a few questions.
Does he have children?
If not does he want children?
If he does want children, are you willing to have children?
Other than that I say go for it. His parents may be a bit weird out by the situation and others will definitely talk but it really is no one business but the two of you.