I feel like my partner is constantly at me about things that I don't like and saying that I am grumpy or a prude.
Today when cleaning I was sitting on the floor in our daughters room putting clothes away. He came over and 'teabagged' me- with clothes on. Like it's gross but it also hurt my neck and when I said I didn't like it he carries on the I'm a prude and he's just trying to have fun with me. When I told him it's only fun if both people like it he just kept going ok we will live like prudes and that maybe I'm the one in the wrong because I don't ever have fun.
I'm so frustrated with him it's ridiculous that he is being so obtuse. I said I didn't like it not that he was wrong or a bad person.
Like I feel like what he did was disrespectful and just gross like it isn't funny to me
18 Replies
Okay, so first: holy gaslighting, Batman! This is classic - turning your incredibly valid and justified feelings about what is basically assault, against you and making you doubt what you feel or know to be true.
Even thought you're married, he does not have the right to invade your personal space whenever he wants, sexually or not. If he'd come over and yanked your head backward with no warning and caused you pain, that would be assault too.
Best to talk to him when you're NOT in the heat of the moment and angry/upset. He will get his back up and defensive. He needs to learn to control his responses when you push back, because you are not in the wrong here
Love how you're a prude for that, try launching his dinner at his face and call him a prude because you enjoyed doing it so he should enjoy it too.
It sounds like you’re so stressed/fed up that you’ve lost your sense of humour. That happens. But he’s trying to get the old, happy you back and you’re cranky when he tries. You can’t cut off connection with someone. What do you do to create that connection/light times?what could he do that you’d approve of? Let him know
I agree that it seems to be his way of trying to have a joke or create connection. Doesn't make his invalidating her feelings/name calling etc right.
Poor bloke should be able to force his genitals into his partners face so hard it hurts her neck when she's also in a position she can't easily move from. It's her fault she has lost her sense of humour.
Oh stop it there’s other comments saying that, and you are free to say it yourself but other people are allowed to disagree or to add something else without you overruling it so nothing else can be said here except that he’s a cunt.
She married him, I’m guessing he wasn’t always a cunt. And I’d assume she wants to talk about fixing this, not just bashing one thing he did (clothes on mucking around trying to get his wife to laugh) when clearly there is a whole thing going on.
I don't think she's here to fix her sense of humour, I think she wants other peoples opinions so she doesn't feel like she's crazy. Your comment is kind of saying what the husband is saying, that he should be able to do whatever he wants and it's her fault for not finding it funny.
I’m not here to argue with you. I’m sorry you can’t see anything but your own point.
My comment is to OP with specific things for her to consider. She can take them or leave them, as she can with your comments on your own thread.
So he thinks it’s acceptable to sexually harass you.
His behaviour wouldn’t be funny to me either. Once is a mistake, ongoing stuff like this is harassment.
It’s not wrong to not like something, I wouldn’t like it either. If I was dating this guy and he behaved that way, we would no longer be dating him.
It would definitely not be funny to me either. I'm definitely not like that, and I've been called out for not being "rude", or naughty to him.
You're definitely allowed to not think k it's funny. Xo
"You wanna have fun with me?
Get your balls down here on the floor and help fold our daughters clothes.
Then we'll both have time for fun".
If ANYONE tried that on me they'd get a very fast headbutt to the balls. And he actually hurt you!!!!
That's not fun, or funny.
It is gross and disrespectful if this isn't the way you guys play together (some people do, that's their business).
We're not talking about a gentle smack on the bum as he walks past in the kitchen here.
He needs to learn that if you say "no" to something sexual or painful, he doesn't get to argue about it. He doesn't get to tell you how to feel about anything.
Maybe you're grumpy and prudish because he's acting like a hormonal, angsty 15yo boy and you're trying to raise a family, and also teach your daughter not to put up with shit like that when boys try it on her in her teenage years.
Yeh, you're a prude , he's right. My husband and I do stuff like this all the time to one another, it's light hearted fun for us. Unfortunately for some it isn't . Lighten up.
No. She isn't a prude 🙄
You're allowed to enjoy this within your relationship, the key there being that you find it fun and therefore consensual.
OP doesn't like it and has expressed that, therefore in her situation - its not consensual or "light-hearted fun".
She doesn't need to lighten up after being degraded and physically hurt (even if that wasn't his intention).
And no decent person would want to leave their partner feeling this way. A good man would respect that his partner doesn't like this kind of thing and he'd find a new way of connecting or having fun. Good men don't make their partners feel bad or call them names for simply drawing boundaries.
Poster is a moody sook. No sense of humour whatsoever.
I feel genuinely sorry for you if this is your honest belief.
My ex husband use to do this but naked. He would also try to finger me whenever i bent over to do something. He thought it was a funny game and i was a boring prude. Unfortunately for him i just didn’t like to be sexually assaulted whenever i was cleaning
Was this same at the start of the relationship?
Obviously something has changed, whether it is you or him or the connection between both of you.