Hi Mumma’s.
I’m desperately wanting to have a relationship with my nieces and nephews, but my sister is not allowing me to. I want them to know their cousins as well as they are all getting old now. The father is perfectly ok with me seeing them but the mother (my sister) has refused so therefore the father won’t allow it either. Is there such a thing as taking her to court to allow access? Is that something that would cost a fortune? Has anyone ever done this before?
How to see my nieces and nephews.
How to see my nieces and nephews.
Posted in:
Life Lessons
20 Replies
No, there are no legal rights for Aunties & Uncles unless the parents are unfit & you go for guardianship.
Now, obviously your sister has her reasons for this, whether you agree with them or not. Whatever the reason is, she has made a decision not to allow someone (you) to be in her children's lives.
I realise that sucks for you, however, imagine yourself in her position.
Imagine that someone that you have cut out of your life, someone you refuse to have contact with, tried to legally force you to hand over your kids for visits.
How would you feel????
It's sad that the kids won't know their cousins, but that's just too bad.
The fact that you're asking her husband behind her back about it, and looking for legal avenues, after the children's mother said very clearly NO, might just be a factor in why she said no to start with.
Maybe you need to start working on healing the rift with your sister.
It would absolutely cost a fortune and you shouldn’t do it, even if it was a thing. Court puts a huge emotional strain on a family and will not foster the relationship you hope for. It will just create more tension, stress and emotional turmoil for those children.
What’s best for those children is for you to wait until they are adults and let them decide for themselves.
You don’t mention why your sister doesn’t want you involved.
Are your kids able to see them?
Organise to drop the kids off for a visit to see them. Adult bullshit shouldn't ever be detrimental to the kids.
If it's accepted, don't blow it. Don't ask your kids what the house is like, details of the visit etc. If she wanted you in on her life she'd have you in it. She doesn't and that's for both of you to work on.
Actually anyone that can prove they have a relationship with regular contact with a child can apply for contact but unless you're a parent that process is hard, expensive and rarely successful.
I wouldn't bother. As hard as that would be not being able to see your nieces and nephews it will be easier to stop now rather than dragging this all out and having her emotionally abuse the kids into not wanting to see you anyway. That happens in a lot of custody cases where the parent is completely unreasonable and has cut contact to suit themselves not their kids.
About time some accuret answers. Being through this ourselves, yes, family contact orders are a thing, only is regular contact prior to the situation was in place. Saying this though, it's rarley agreed apon unless its coultal reasons
Say you go through the courts and by some miracle you're successful, have you actually considered how it would affect your niece and nephew?
Imagine you're a child and out of the blue you're suddenly legally forced to spend time with an estranged aunty you've either never met or never had a real relationship with?
Do you not think that's a little bit fucked up? I feel that if you genuinely cared about these children, you wouldn't put them through this.
Maybe you'll get the opportunity to reconnect with them once they're adults and able to make up their own minds but maybe until then you just need to respect your sisters wishes
Without knowing her side of this story we've only got your info to go on... why has she cut you out? What happened? Has she got good reason to cut you out? Be honest. I'm not accusing you or assuming you're in the wrong. But IME people don't cut family off for nothing and she has the right to set boundaries. I'd be working on that - if you have hope or chance for reconciliation, go that way with it.
Wasting time, energy and money on court seems pretty unnecessary given the likelihood of success, and would probably kill any hope of you and your sister repairing your relationship.
Sounds like you need a good slap around the head.
It sounds as though you don't know them? I would feel differently if you were very close then she just cut contact but it sounds as though she has cut you out some time ago. Whatever her reasons that needs to be respected and you shouldn't waste energy on it.
Been here done that. In Australia, it is perfectly legal, within the courts to apply for orders in regards to family contact, IF, the family had prior regular contact with the children in the past. I know that aborinal family are entitled to legal aid in this situation due to culture, but unsure of non indigenous family.
Before going and seeking legal advise, Being Dad is supportive of cousins seeing one another, ask him to bring up the subject with your sister of her letting the kids get to know one another, with out you present, in a park or fun centre, if you trust him with your children. I'll be honest, although it's allowed, it's hard to get these orders and will set you back several 1000's in representation and court fees
Why are you trying to get the family to skirt around the mother? My opinion the father is peacekeeping with you, you should stop trying to use him to go against your sister.
Why not offer to respect her issues (clearly you disagree and would like to completely ignore them - Id say that’s a huge part of the issue) before considering court could you consider agreeing to respect and abide by her boundaries? Send your children to them to enable that relationship. Go to court and demand your children be allowed to go to hers on special occasions (but not you). Honestly I’d say at this point it’s done and you’ve shown your true colours and should probably just leave them alone. Maybe the cousins will find their own relationship through social media but there’s no way you can be close while you’re turning her husband and taking their mother to court.
What in gods green earth did I just read?! Why do you think it’s acceptable to be going behind your sisters back and speaking to her husband? Or taking her to court to have access to her children for that matter… You seem very entitled, going by what you’ve written here I believe she probably has very good reasons for not allowing you to have a relationship with her children. Have you ever considered butting out of her life/business? Messaging her husband🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ Hun, you’ve got red flags written all over you 🤦🏻♀️ I just can’t today🤦🏻♀️
It kind of gives an example of why she's been cut out, too nosy, pushy, demanding, controlling maybe? Like one of those people that constantly puts your parenting down because their way is right? Gets a bit old after a while and I have distanced myself from family members who did that to me so it's understandable.
100% agree with you! I really can’t get over the fact that she’s talking to her sisters husband behind her back🤦🏻♀️ Imagine having a sister like this ☝️ Though😬
Ok Wow! For starters my sister and her ex are no longer together. They haven’t been for at least 8 years. He took the kids from her as they were better living with him and not her. I have messaged him to try and have contact as my sister only sees her kids when she sees fit. There is a super super long story, one reason she dislikes me is because she applied for my nephew (from my brother) though the courts with child safety and was deemed unfit, I was then asked from child safety after her application was denied and was successful. Another reason is because I refuse my kids any sort of contact with our mother who is an abusive alcoholic, but my sister thinks nothing is wrong but didn’t cop the abuse like I did growing up. I got to an age where I was old enough to say I don’t need my mother in my life anymore and don’t want to subject my own children to that same bullshit. All I was wanting to achieve was to have my children get to know their cousins, what is wrong with that? How does that make me a bad person? I am raising my own children as well as now my nephew and now his sister also so I think I can’t really be that bad if I’m allowed to raise other peoples children. Maybe I didn’t explain myself properly in my question, but it astounds me how nasty people can be.
It came across that your thought was take someone to court to see their kids. Maybe you have been to court to be guardians of kids in the family so it seems more normal to you than it should be.
I love the way your poor sister loses custody of her kids, then she's made out to be the bad guy for not seeing her kids enough.
Your compassion for your sister is underwhelming, would love to hear her side of the story.
I don’t allow my SIL to see my kids
If she pushed for access, personally I would push even harder back
Prove you are an asset to her & her family
There's reason why she doesn't want you in their lives. By the sounds of it, "the mother" might feel you're not the sort of person she wants in her life either.
How do you specifically know what their father thinks? It's a bit sucky for your sister knowing that you're talking behind her back but the fact he has her back in not allowing you contact by supporting her is a good thing.
It would be 100% traumatic for the entire family to go through family court just because you want something on your terms. You're only their aunt and you sister does not like you. How is filing for access to your sister's children going to help your sister to be amicable attract a positive relationship in order to facilitate a healthy relationship you want with your nieces and nephews?
You might want to fix your relationship with your sister before you alienate yourself from your family.
WOW, after seeing your responses to some of the other posts, I can see why you would like to connect with the cousins. Your sister sounds like she has some trauma to work through and has pinned that on you due to the situation with your brothers kids. If your ex brother in law is okay, can the kids meet at a maccas so they can play with no pressure, it's a controlled space and short bursts of time? The tough reality is legally it's probably expensive and and unlikely you would win. especially with dad as guardian and being sound. Maybe just wait and watch from a distance, and hope they get on social media and you can connect as they get a bit older and the kids can make a call for themselves? Good luck, sounds crappy but if the kids are safe that's all you can worry about