Do you ever wonder about the child that never was?
I don’t regret my choices.
I had two abortions. Both were pill failures. Both were at really critical points at our relationship.
We are seperating after 20 years and for some reason today I saw some reals about young mums. And I just thought, wow. That would be me.
We still ended up being parents at 25 thanks to a third pill failure. And have three incredible girls.
I see this boy in my mind who I believe tried to come through twice. Then tried again when we miscarried. His face is so clear in my mind. Psychics continue to bring him up (iv seen 5 different ones and they all mention him)
After so many years this little boy seems to be so imprinted on me since the separation.
I don’t feel guilt or anything all three different psychics told me he was suppose to be my daughters son. And his face is so clear to me, if my daughter has a son with this face I’ll be a mess.
Why am I thinking of him during this seperation?
Anyone with that sort of connection to the spirit world think they want to shed some light.
Maybe it’s cos the split with my partner is encompassing all the grief of our shared experiences coming to the front as our relationship closes?
I don’t know it’s just it’s really over, and I’m really doing ok emotionally but just seem to be re hashing all of the really big things we’ve seen over 20 years. And this little boy just seems to be up front and Center.
I just… sometimes I wonder what if we’d have kept him? What if we had a 18 yo right now? What if our kids we have never were because of the sequence of events that would have taken place if we’d have had him the first time?
I haven’t thought like this is 15+ years. Why is coming to the forefront now we are separating?
Welcome any thoughts and comments.
2 Replies
It does sound like you're struggling a bit ith a lot of issues. You don't have to feel anything about regrets or guilt. These are nothing you need to just but I does sound like you've still got some adjustment and gremlins to sooth over.
Even though there's been a bit of a time difference, time isn't a guaranteed black and white. Struggling with past events can jump up when we least expect it especially if you haven't 100% gotten through it and even if you have, those memories will always mean something.
You just need someone who can listen to you and get you through this new speed bump in life and that maybe a therapist. Or venting to strangers.
I think a separation will have you thinking about every step you took & analysing what went wrong, and how it could be different.
I had an abortion at 19 (to a very unsuitable man that I'd already broken up with) and yeah, every now and then I think 'what if' - but in an abstract kind of way - that was 25 years ago.