My brother has developed a bad alcohol problem over . He has been in an emotional abusive relationship for a decade, I have witnessed his partner putting him down so many times and I'm not saying he is an angel, he can be quite annoying but I have witnessed so so much bad stuff. And when I try to talk to her she has no care in the world and continues to be so damn mean.... However im not going into detail about their relationship but I do believe his therapy is his alcohol.
My mother came to his house yesterday unannounced and she literally passed out. He was so drunk, sitting in the corner like a hobo, his child running around not being looked at... When we try to talk to him he is like 'whatever'. He drinks everyday. He know stopped working, he has to go home by 10/11to continue his drinking session, he is 35!!!
Two years and he is going to be dead.
We don't want to do nothing he needs help, I know you can't help someone that doesn't help themselves but I think he is deeply depressed and I'm happy to pay someone to give him the help he needs and so are my parents. What help is out there?
Please jo judgement, we are just after resources, we are worried he is going to drink himself to death
7 Replies
Start with the GP and get a care plan. He needs to see a psychologist and get to the bottom of why he drinks. I’m not sticking up for her but maybe the alcohol has got to her too and she feels it. My Husband drinks and honestly I can’t be bothered with him and prob sound mean too. He isn’t this bad though, he works his ass off and is a great dad but the alcohol is a massive problem and I will end up leaving over it eventually. It’s depressing.
Get the alcohol and Chuck it out or if you find him passed out , ring Ambos and start the ball rolling. He has to want help though and go to the Drs, else this won’t stop. He may be covering some kind of child hood trauma and things he has never ever spoken of to anyone. It may not be his wife at all, so try and get him to open up to you. He is in pain on the inside & alcohol numbs it.
Yes she hates him. More than before but when he wasn't drinking 8 years ago she would speak very hateful towards him calling him useless in every life situation, he worked amf she controlled the money, I witnessed him getting himself a bordshortsfor $20 and she gave him such a serve, now he doesn't buy anything, he does a cash job a week towards his alcohol
I know it's easy to say that the alcohol is the reason but she already disrespected and hated him before all that and I never knew why he was with her. Obviously she hates him more now but I'm not bias at all
So sad maybe offer for him to come and stay with you. He is still young and wasting the best years. Explain to him how you can see he is in an abusive relationship and his drinking is worrying you. A break away from it and with family may do him good. He may be too proud to tell you or reach out for help. You need to break the ice on it and give him a branch. If he doesn’t accept then it’s up to him but try everything you can first and the first step is getting him out of there and offering a place to stay. The rest will follow.
Nothing can be done unless he wants to do it. His partner sounds resentful of the situation she's been put in by your brother, anybody would be. She needs to leave. This is not her fault.
I'll level with you - there is no helping someone who doesn't want to leave an abusive relationship and there is no helping someone who is not ready to deal with their addiction.
And really, AA resources, programs etc are going to be like a bandaid for a bullet wound at this point. He's probably going to need to detox under medical supervision, ie, rehab.
It's easy to blame all of this on your sister in law but your brother has chosen to turn to alcohol. That's how he has chosen to deal with all of his problems.
There is only one person in this situation who is completely helpless and that's the child! This poor kid is exposed to abuse and a pretty extreme level of alcoholism. That's not okay and frankly that would be my main point of concern at this stage, I actually think this whole situation warrants intervention from social services.
So can I arrange intervention through social services or would that mena taking the child out of that environment?
DO NOT throw the alcohol out like some other idiot suggested. A severe alcoholic going cold turkey can be deadly. That should only ever be done under supervision of a qualified doctor.
You need to call child and family services in your state to have the living situation looked at. Someone has to help the poor kid who is watching all of this. Stop enabling this situation by just watching it unfold. Your brother is in an abusive relationship which means his child is being abused to just by being forced to watch.
I'm sorry to say that you cannot help him to stop. He needs to reach his bottom before he will get help and no one can do that for him.
Help the child. That is all you can do right now. And hopefully if the authorities step in to help that will be his bottom.
Google the alcohol support in your area and get in contact with them. They can point you in the right direction.