i need advice on what to do all i been doing is crying non stop i dont know if i should be mad or not so much has happened with my boyfriend so basically this girl texted me and ive hungout with her and we werent close friends but we'd talk sometimes about our life problems including stuff about my relationship with my bf. I dont talk to her for a while then i see her message me and she tells me shes pregnant by my bf and that they only fucked twice but she got pregnant by accident and that it was way before we met but i got mad at her bc why would u wait such a long time telling me why couldnt u have told me sooner about this so i wont be going thru pain she apologized saying she didnt wanna ruin our relationship and she says she wants nun to do with him and she doesnt want her baby around him so a while back me and my bf were arguing and he told me he got a girl pregnant and later said he was lying just to hurt me and now this girl tells me shes pregnant hmmm weird i got mad and i called him and started talking shit to him instead of talking about it and thats what i regret. He hasnt tried contacting me and i just feel so betrayed not bc he got a girl pregnant before me but that he lied about it we had so many plans of us getting our shit together and starting a family but now i dont know if i even want to do that like i do i really do but him having his first kid with a girl that isnt me hurts bc we planned it together but shit happens and i cant do nun about it anymore me and him have been dating for about 5-6 months and he has proposed to me without the ring and he has wrote me letters has made me feel more loved than anyone and just proves he loves me some days we have downs but thats any relationship im so attached and i love him with all my heart but i dont know if i should leave him or stay with him after everything he has put me thru
28 Replies
You barely know each other. He has a child on the way to someone else and neither of you have any concept of what the impact of that will be on him. He knew he had a child on the way and didn't tell you and apparently planned to be an absent father. He sounds like an absolute loser.
yeah we havent dated long but i know him more than his mother but i honestly dont know why he didnt tell me maybe hes scared of me leaving him bc when he told me back then i broke up with him and i was an emotional wreck and he said he was lying after he seen how i reacted and the reason he isnt gonna be in the childs life is bc the mom doesnt want him to be in the babys life bc of his religious views and shes inlove with her bf of 6 years and is moving away she says there is no contact between them. i want to leave but i dont know i am too in love now and im thinking of staying with him but i dont know if i should
What a load of crap. Any decent man would already be consulting legal counsel if they were being told access to their child was going to be withheld.
You 100% should leave. You deserve better. You sound young but in a few years you’ll look back and realise what a good decision you made. Trust me. I’m a stranger and am still more truthful than your boyfriend.
Are you prepared to be a stepparent?
If your boyfriend has a baby then this is an 18year commitment. Think about that. Child support, weekends etc. This is a life long dedication. If you are not prepared for your needs to come second, then have a good long think.
I've been a stepmum to 2 kids for 14 years and their welfare and happiness have been paramount to us. We have an incredible relationship but it was something we all had to work hard for.
the girl doesnt want my bf in the babys life bc of his religious views and she is inlove with her bf of 6 years she says she hasnt had any contact with him nor wants to thats why she contacted me instead bc she wants nothing to do with him it was just a one night stand but if he ends up being in the childs life i will do whatever to keep them both happy it hurts me so much but i love him and this is something thats apart of him now i just dont know if i should stay or leave bc he did lie and i dont think i trust him anymore
He's liable for costs regardless
Just leave. Don’t let his stuff ups create misery in your life coz that baby is for life and it ain’t going away. Leave him you are too young to be tied to this shit already!
He will still the child's father and will be liable for child support etc.
Seriously this is so messed up, just leave before you two end up having a baby and then it'll be even messier. Or you'll be here in 2 years time complaining about the drop kick that's your boyfriend and you deserve better than that.
He can't be trusted at all.
You not only don't know him well, but you don't know him at all.
Aside from the baby, you've already broken up and had issues 6 months in.
Walk away, don't get in deeper, he's a dead set loser..
You have dodged a bullet here. Run while you can 🏃🏻♀️ You are actually better off without him. You need to get rid of him and move on. He proposed without a ring 🤦🏼♀️ He lied to you, he hurt you! Do yourself a favour and get rid of this guy and find yourself a grown ass responsible man. You should be thanking your lucky stars that you can get out of this now and it’s not you with his kid. This isn’t love. You both sound young. You will realise in time, he’s no good for you. Move on and find someone with out kids who loves you and is responsible. Build a life with someone different. If this guy had any decency, he would leave and go support this baby of his. He needs to grow up. A baby is no joke and a lifetime commitment.
Walk away. YOU DON'T KNOW HIM AT ALL, stop kidding yourself. You didn't know that he would lie to you and hide the fact that another girl was pregnant with his baby. You didn't know he'd fucked some girl you were friendly with. You didn't know anything about him at all.
Now maybe it's true that the girl doesn't want anything to do with him but I 100% guarantee that when her boyfriend finds out this kid isn't his, she'll be knocking on your bf's door looking for child support at least (and so she should, it's his responsibility).
This guy is an idiot. He's not taking responsibility for his child, and he flat out lied to you. How could he think you wouldn't find out????
If he's not speaking to you now, good. The trash took itself out. Don't drag yourself into this bullshit drama.
I'm sorry you're heartbroken, but this not the guy for you. He's a piece of shit that will leave a trail of broke single mothers and fatherless children behind him. Don't be one of those.
If she already had a bf when she slept with your bf he needs to get a paternity test to see if he is the father. Probably do it anyway. What were her reasons to contact you and hang out? It sounds a bit strange, she sounds like a bit of a trouble maker.
okay so basically when she slept with my bf which was like 2-3 months before i met my bf and she wasnt with her bf at the time and she said they fucked twice and were only together for a week before she went back to her bf of 6 years. the reason she contacted me was to tell me she was pregnant by my bf and the weird thing is we would talk before that and she never said anything to me she acted like nothing. she says she didnt tell me sooner bc she didnt want to ruin the relationship we have bc he was happy with me she said but why couldnt she tell me sooner and well i was with my man for like 5 months and she says shes 4 months but the thing is my bf moved away to a different state with his mom to get his shit together once we turned 3 months he came back to be with me and we lived together and we were with each other every second of the day we never left each others side or nun which is why i kinda dont believe the girl i do believe shes pregnant but maybe by her man and not mine bc at the time she claims shes pregnant by him is when hes out of state
oh and almost forgot to mention before i was with my bf i was seeing this other guy and he ended up talking to the same girl too they would hangout and they were trying to be together and she never told me anything until her friend said something to me. this just seems like a pattern to me everyone i date she goes with them too and her friend does it aswell
Move on from this you’re both too immature. Shit relationships are hard but you can learn from them and move on and grow before you add kids into the mix and make it really really messy. It’s clear this is not a relationship to keep already. Don’t waste too long putting yourself through this. You’ll grow when you leave it behind you.
How old are you?
Do you want this to be your next 18 year commitment?
Go live your best life ELSEWHERE. Be glad you're not married to him or have kids with him.
Honestly, I've read the entire episode here and think this is a whole bunch of bull shit.
The girl didn’t want him in her life because of his religious beliefs she sounds smart and dumb at the same time and so does he. Where do his religious beliefs come into having a one night stand and creating a life that he isn’t going to be part of! Religious beliefs my ass! Maybe he should practice his religion that little bit more and not pick and choose the parts he likes.maybe he should try harder to be in his child’s life. Do the right thing in life! He created this life too. That poor friggen baby that hasn’t got a choice to have a father. Also the mother should have thought about this too before getting pregnant. Poor kid! You boyfriend is a jerk get running before you find yourself pregnant to him.
If you could see yourself in 15 years or so, you would look back and say I wish I left! Don’t sit there and let this ruin your life. If he isn’t willing to fight for rights to this kid then it says so much about him. He should have thought about his religion at the time he got her pregnant! Practice what you preach.
This dude fucked a girl - twice, while she was in a long term relationship. And he's willing to potentially have a fatherless child out there in the world.
His morals are low. Is this the future you want? If he'll fuck a cheater he'll just as happily be a cheater. Even the conception of a child isn't enough for him to face the music. What a piece of shit.
Exactly and it’s always only once or twice 🤦🏼♀️
she told me that her and her man were broken up for 2 months and then got back together and that he knows shes pregnant but that he doesnt care bc he loves her but yes i agree 100% with u
Please -leave - it’s not worth the heartache
I have loved and cherished a little girl in a situation exactly like this for 13 years - and one day I challenged her mum on a decision she made for her daughter concerned about her welfare or more to the point the lack of being informed- she had sent her to live somewhere else due to safety concerns from being attacked and failed to share anything with me - I had been called her step mum for years - I have siblings to her dad - so mum of her brothers and it has cause more heartache then good things - to care for someone and have her with held whenever the mother sees fit, choose when we can and can’t be apart of her life , what we know and don’t know- I had treated her like my own - if it’s early days I’d never do it again
Way too much drama. Get out now while you still can. If he won’t fight to see his kid that shows you the type of person he is already. They are both liars. When you have a child you will see how important they are. Sounds like a drop kick.
Too much drama. who uses pregnancy as a tool to hurt someone. Move on
If you love the drama and want to have a very complicated life you should stay.
If you don't like drama and realize this guy is a manipulative dick then leave. Your choice.
You sound very young and please take the majority of the advice given here. You’re only 5 months into a relationship and you’re already having so much drama. Relationships are not meant to be this hard early on. You may think you’re in love yes, but we all feel this way in the beginning. Trust me, you’ll love again and find someone who isn’t hard work and realise you dodged a bullet.
He lied to you! What a great way to start a relationship!
He should be preparing to get a paternity test and start making appointments with a solicitor about his rights to the baby.
If they baby is his and he doesn't fight to be in the kids life, would you even want to be with someone who would abandon their child. He is not even prepared to try and fight to be in his child's life.
It is not all the mother's choice. He is not willing to fight and he is just choosing the easiest way out of his responsibilities.
That is a huge red flag to me. I wouldn't want to have children with a man like that. Your kids will have a sibling that they don't have a relationship with
Girl you sound very immature and as if you really have no clue. He doesn't love you and you really don't love him. You both have a shit tonne of growing up to do. This child is on the way whether you like it or not.
My only advice would be to end it and get to know yourself a bit. Study, travel, live.