I've been seeing a guy for about 4 months. I really like this guy and want this to work out. He suffers from anxiety and mild depression. He's on anti depressants for this. He was straight up and honest about it from day one. When we met, he'd just gone back on the tablets, so he was a bit more "lively" and "fun" but now it's been a few months being on them, he's become emotionless and boarderline cold. He has acknowledged that it's the tablets that have changed him, but he's hesitant to come off them and I don't want him doing anything he doesn't want to do.
I'm craving someone who is affectionate, lively, someone who wants to hang out as often as we can so we can get to know each other better and make a proper go at this.
Is there anything I can do to bring it back out in him? Or is he just destined to be a shell of a man? 😥
I've tried talking to him, but he doesn't know what to say and I don't want to come across as an inpatient needy girl. I know we're only early on, but we're both divorced and in our late 30s so I'm not wanting to waste my time if there's no hope..... Hopefully that doesn't sound too harsh.
Thanks ladies ❤️
Dating a guy with anxiety and depression
Dating a guy with anxiety and depression
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
8 Replies
He definitely shouldn’t come off his meds, but I don’t think it’s his meds making him emotionless and cold. Maybe he needs a meds review but you should def keep the bar high and watch out that this may be his real personality and he just faked the start but can’t keep the mask it up.
He can not give you what you crave right now and he might not ever be able to. There is nothing you can do about that. If he is happy with how his meds are working for him and his treating doctor is, then this where he needs to be right now.
Best to realise you aren’t compatible right now (or ever) and go your separate ways.
I had a shitload of things I wanted to say here but I think you really only need to hear one of them - move on.
I have anxiety, and was put on antidepressants for it for about 2 years; I genuinely believe I dropped about 50 IQ points and my personality has changed, maybe forever.
I used to be very outgoing, witty, sassy, and creative. Those pills killed all of that. I am now off them for 5 years, and I can see small parts of my old personality popping back in, but I'm still very introverted now and probs always will be.
Who he is now is who he will always be. He needs the meds to live; maybe they're not the best ones for him, but maybe others would be worse.
You can't hang around hoping things will be better, or revert back to how they were. You're lying to yourself.
Also, in dating, people make a much bigger effort at the start. Maybe he was pushing himself to act that way to start with, and that effort is just too much for him now.
If you don't love the way he is right now, walk away. You're just setting yourself up for frustration and both of you for future heartbreak if you stick around hoping for change.
A common side effect of these meds is that "flatness". Part of taking out the lows is losing the highs too. Sometimes it can last weeks, months, sometimes more permanent.
You got to see who he is. If it's not enough for you to know that person is in there and support him through the process of trialling medication and reporting side effects, then walk now.
Do not, under any circumstances, tell him its because the medication has changed him. If you're the reason he stops taking anything because he believes he's not good enough to be loved when he's medicated, you're dooming him to a life of the same misery that led him to seek meds in the first place. That would be utter cruelty.
If you’re divorced, you deserve happiness and do you want to deal with this? It’s very difficult to live with someone who is depressed and has anxiety. He can’t come off his meds when he is feeling the way he is. This could go on for years and it will hinder your happiness.
Everyone’s comment will vary depending on their experience.
As someone going through a divorce after 20 years, with the #1 cause being his depression.
I’d say run don’t walk.
Don’t get tangled up in it if it’s already there 4 months in.
But that’s me and my experience I’d run a mile from anyone struggling with depression.
It’s harsh. Cold. I know all the arguments. But I just wouldn’t knowingly sign up to it after all these years.
Be careful if he stops his meds without gps advice it will turn to shit
U can not fix him
Take it very slow no need to rush sounds very rocky