My 6yo son is terrified of the school toilets. He has been locked in there by 2 students holding the door closed on him and now will not go to the toilet at school. He has wet his pants twice and will hold on until picked up after school. I raised it with his teacher to ask for a teacher to go with him so he feels safe or a friend. After a few days passed and he’s still coming home busting I mentioned to the teacher again this morning and was met with disrespect. In anger she told gives the children plenty of chances to go to the toilet and she can’t force him to go.
What would you do?
I don’t expect her to force him to go. I was asking for her support with strategies or to work together to help him. After her attitude this morning I’m not going to her again.
Any tips or advice would be wonderful.
Toilet fear at school
Toilet fear at school
Posted in:
Education
5 Replies
Bring it up with the deputy principal by email. Point out that you've tried to discuss with his classroom teacher and that this is a result of him being bullied and you would like some help and some strategies to help him overcome this.
I lived this with my child and because we never had the support of any of her teachers/principals she really didn't overcome it until late primary school (and I use the word overcome loosely because she still has quite a lot of anxiety around toileting and will hold on for an unhealthy amount of time, she physically can't go in unfamiliar/dark/too enclosed/too unclean toilets) but she can now actually go at school.
This all started because her kindergarten teacher growled at her in front of the class for having an accident, couple of years later she accidentally got locked in one of the cubicles and that sealed the deal.
So please don't let them blow you off, this is serious. I agree with the above, take it further than the classroom teacher and make it known you aren't happy about the lack of support you received from her.
Point out the safety aspect too. Children should not feel too vulnerable to use the toilet at school and because of the incident your son endured that is exactly how he now feels. Really put it back onto them, ask them what they plan on doing to help your son feel safe at school again and how they plan on preventing this silly business from occurring in the toilets in future.
Go above, go to the head of year or the principal. A teacher probably can’t take him but they do need to make sure he has somewhere he feels safe and comfortable to go to the toilet during the school day. You’re not asking too much.
Make an appointment with the teacher to discuss strategies. First thing in the morning is not the best time to bring up serious concerns; there are children everywhere, other parents, other concerns that the teacher is trying to manage, and the teacher is trying to settle the class ready for learning. She gave a quick answer to your query. When teachers know you are coming to discuss the issues they can also ask advice from deputies and guidance officers about things the school can try. They have time to explore issues properly.
I’m a teacher, we literally can’t leave a class of over 20 kids to take one to the toilet. We also don’t want to. It puts us in a compromising position if we are with a student at the toilets. We’re targeted at every opportunity so I wouldn’t risk my career for that.
We usually do send a student buddy but if your son is not asking to go then there’s not much we can do. We’re not mind readers. Maybe speak to her again about letting him go with a friend but he needs to ask as well, we have so many other kids in the class, if a student doesn’t ask for the toilet then we don’t know they need to go.