My partner and I don’t have sex often, 2 or 3 times a month on average. We have been together 8 years. He’d have sex every second day if he could, I don’t have a high sex drive. I don’t know if it’s the anti depressants I’m on or just a lack of interest in sex because I often don’t get what I need from him. I’ve talked with him about what I like, I don’t feel like he takes what I say into consideration. Last night, I went to some effort. Tidied myself up, silky smooth and all. Put on some lingerie. He came to bed, I wanted him to make the first move. My body language said I was up for it. I often used to start off with giving him a bj, which he loves, but if I make the first move, he often gets to excited and it’s over quickly🙄 So, his fingers were doing amazing things, I was enjoying it, he was well aware. Next thing, I thought he was going to go down on me, but no, jumped on top, a couple of strokes and done! I was so disappointed. I felt deflated, used and just sad and unconsidered. What would you say or do if presented with this situation?
24 Replies
He’s not getting enough sex to last for long periods of time. He needs notice that you want to have sex with him. Give him 45 mins notice so he can jerk off so he can build his stamina and last longer in the sack.
Also …. He’s not a mind reader!! You can get yourself ready for sex all you want. But when you’re not having it that often hows he supposed to know you’re up for it??
Oh he knew, we were talking about it hours beforehand… and I don’t wear lingerie for any other reason❤️ In regards to stamina, he has always cum quickly, unless he super drunk.
first you say your body language, now you're saying it was discussed and he should know based on what you're wearing?
so which is it?
i think this poor guy has to read the tea leaves to know if youre up for it.....
Regardless of my body language, what I’m wearing, wether we’ve had a conversation about it. My issue is being left unsatisfied. He got his, shouldn’t I have a chance to get mine? Maybe then I’d feel more inclined to engage in sex more often…
round 2?
hes too excited lol
Sounds really dysfunctional. You have so so many negative feelings and disappointment from pretty much every part of what he did. Yet you’re the low libido side and he’s too much. Are you sure it’s not just that you’re turned off by him.
Definitely not turned off by him…. I said he was amazing with his fingers, I was loving that, he also know I love head too. The issue I had is that, he jumped on top , well aware he would cum, then I’m left to suck it up. Happens a lot. I guess that scenario doesn’t excite me, so I don’t look forward to sex.
That’s a turn OFF you said it yourself.
I hadn’t looked at it that way, yes, you’re right, that does turn me off😔
Sorry but if you're only having sex that much of course he's going to cum quick. Maybe try for 2 or 3 times a week and see if he gets better
Some men suffer from premature ejaculation and having all the time doesn't help.... my ex husband and I would have it up to 4 times a day in the first year and he never lasted longer
You’ve got to be kidding right? Um no, sorry it’s not her fault he prematurely ejaculates 🤦🏻♀️🙄
You need to just tell him what you want. "Hey, can you go down on me tonight?" goes a long way. Men don't always get hints. Also he's probably not getting enough sex to last longer.
I have told him what I want, time and time again.
Regardless of whether he’s getting sex often enough, he should still be ensuring you gets off every time. Whether that be before, during or after he gets off. He’s being selfish if he’s only getting you halfway then that’s it once he’s done. I’m feeling a bit nasty at the moment, so maybe get him halfway then stop. When he complains tell him that’s what he does to you every time, so you thought it was okay to that to your partner.
Thank you for understanding!
My ex husband brought a cream from Coles. It made him last hours, only new but my god it was the best sex EVER from him.... your partner sounds just like my ex husband and my god I know how you feel... I had to teach myself to get off super quick just so I did get something out of it.
In the marriage I actually told him I didn't want sex because it was so boring and I was over it! I voiced it several times. It drove me insane. Maybe suggest it to your partner and see what he thinks
I’d love to know more about this cream!!
I’d love to know more about this cream!!
I would very bluntly say the next day "I'm not enjoying sex with you because I don't have an orgasm. I don't mind that you don't last long but I'd prefer you helped me climax before you finished. Last night I really enjoyed what you were doing with your fingers and I'm disappointed it ended the way it did"
Your enjoyment matters just as much as his and tbh if my spouse didn't care about me "finishing" I'd replace him with a sex toy until he put in more effort 🤷♀️
Look at all these comments🙄🙄🙄
‘He’s just too excited, of course he doesn’t last long, he never gets sex’ blah blah blah.
Bullshit!
No, he has premature ejaculation and is 100% selfish!
I had a guy like this. He’d wank nearly every day, but would only have sex with me a handful of times per YEAR. (A bit different to your situation with me wanting it and him not, but the same overall thing).
3 minutes max he’d last, roll over and go to sleep. My pleasure meant nothing to him.
If I moaned on even squeezed his butt to pull him closer, that time would cut to 1.5 minutes.
The shortest was 10seconds.
Then, he had the audacity to get ANGRY at me when I bought myself a vibrator.
Some men just don’t care!!. You need to ask yourself, will he change if you tell him your needs? Or will I be ok with this for the rest of my life.
I wish you all the best💜💜
All these comments saying you don’t give him enough sex and that’s the problem!!! NO! That is not it AT ALL!!! It is totally his issue and has nothing to do with you. No woman is ever responsible for how often a man ejaculates 🤦🏻♀️ 3 or 4 times a month is plenty! My hubby gets is once and month if he’s lucky and I tell you what, that once a month night goes for a long time and he lasts just fine and it’s amazing!
You need to talk to him and tell him he needs to step up because you’re just not satisfied and it’s not helping the situation.
Exactly! I can’t believe everyone is blaming her for not putting out enough. No, it’s him being selfish! He doesn’t give a damn whether she’s satisfied or not, and that’s where the blame needs to lie!
Communication doesn’t do what all the comments on the fb post say it does it usually does the opposite, men feel emasculated and it can have horrible effects on your sex life I am still trying to navigate this with my husband I spoke to him about this pretty same situation in the post and things just got worse. Hopefully you find a solution posts like these can help sometimes when you scroll passed all the “just communicate” comments you can find little tricks and tips. I have a HL (high libido) and finding the right words and approach can be very tricky. Men can feel so offended when you question their sexual prowess and it can end very badly. I have no idea on how to talk to my husband about getting medical help when it comes to his premature ejaculation I KNOW it will make him feel inadequate and less than a man.I can talk to my husband about everything except for this, I have initiated conversations but I can always see his disappointment and I have to end it before it will hurt him. I have tried talking to him about getting a general health check for other reasons hoping that one day this will be addressed but it never does. Before we met he would get regular checks and have his prostate checked we have been together 20 yrs and he still hasn’t (as far as I’m aware) had it checked in any serious manner. I agree that the act can mostly feel like you’re a dumping ground and it doesn’t feel intimate. I wish I had a solution for you just know there are couples that love each other that are attracted to each other and desire each other and have the same issues you describe in your post. I will keep working on this, sex is important but so is my marriage. Sending you strength and hope ❤️