My husband is a functioning alcoholic… His behaviour doesn’t change at all and he will literally have a beer for breakfast at 5.30 am and continue to drink throughout the day until he goes to bed . I believe it’s a carton of mud strength beer per day allwhilst maintaining a management role! Should I be okay with this since it doesn’t actually change him , continues to work and provide a roof over our heads ? We have two children under 3 and I’m a SAHM after working full time myself . I guess my issue is it is a costly habit & I always have to drive everywhere … I seem to suck it up since well I don’t bring the money in and I guess just put taxi driver in my role in the home as being fair .. is it ?
10 Replies
No someone shouldn't be drinking while they are working. How do you think his work would feel aboit it if they knew? I suspect he would threatened to be fired if he didn't stop.
I know you say it doesn't change him but I think that's because you have lived with him like this for too long and if he stopped drinking you would see the difference in him and how much better and clear headed he is.
It's not safe and it's downright irresponsible to be a little bit inebriated all the time while around your kids. What if an emergency happened? What if you needed to be driven to the hospital, would he drink drive?
There are other effects from this as well, I bet he is unmotivated around the house, his libido would be affected, and as you say the cost each week would be huge. Does he realise how much he spends on beer? Can you have the same amount to blow on yourself every week?
I know we live in a culture where drinking every day is acceptable and especially for men because they have 'earnt it' after work but having a couple of beers after work is way different to constantly being drunk. I think it's selfish and irresponsible. It's up to you to decide if you want this in your life or not
That's excessive and I guess pure luck he still has his job. Is there something else going on? Does he have a history of abuse? Trauma? PTSD? Anxiety? Pain? Try and get him to seek help. He would know this is not normal. That must be about 400 to 500 a week?
So he’s drunk while on the job, while caring for children, while having a relationship. Has the bar dropped because he works and gets a pay check? What about when something happens, he’ll lose his job and could even be prosecuted.
Yuck. Not only internally unhealthily as well as sounding like a greasy belly - gut of a gross man but he has no consideration for anyone else, and further more no consequences. Grot.
If you think that someone who is never sober enough to drive themselves anywhere is "functional" then you're in a shocking state of denial.
I don't mean to be a dick about this I just don't think you are really seeing the harsh reality of your situation and you need to!
This is no way to live and it is under absolutely no circumstances something you should just tolerate because you aren't bring in an income currently. That's BS!!
Growing up with an alcoholic parent will have an affect on your children. Period.
Doesn't matter that he doesn't get belligerent, violent or abusive - it still has an impact, if this goes on its entirely likely that the cycle of dysfunctional drinking will continue with your kids.
Agree. You know that feeling when you’ve had a couple of wines, imagine your partner being permanently in that state or focused on chasing that state. Do you have real conversations, about things you care about? Do you do things together? Have any quality time? Does he with his kids? Does he support you or does he just give enough to pacify you?
there are different stages of addiction, the wheels haven't fallen off yet, but trust me, they will.
No you shouldn't be ok with this. He is functioning now but one day he won't be. He needs to get help and only he can make that decision. He won't get help until he reaches his rock bottom. You need to decide if you want to be around for that (trust me you dont). As a functioning alcoholic with 2 years sobriety, I say get out of there before things get worse. And they will. Best of luck
For the time being I’d be more worried as to why he is needing to drink 😞
I do not think this is okay. He’s health is more important than the money he is bringing in. I would be having a very serious conversation with him. Might be time for you to go back to work and start getting ready to support yourself and your children while he looks at helping himself.
This is very unhealthy for kids to be witness to and think is normal.