So, I found out today that my husband was. twin and baby died during pregnancy (I don’t know how far along).
Sister in Law (A) told me. She said Mother in Law (B) told Brother in Law (C) about it. Subsequently. C told A, and A told me.
Tonight I told my husband. I felt he had a right to know.
My relationship with B isn’t great, and it’s impacted my relationship with my husband
Did I do the wrong thing?
11 Replies
You all probably could learn to mind your own business. A lot of women like to keep miscarriage and still birth private and she had every right to do that. She may only feel comfortable talking about it now so you kind of jumped the gun if that's the case. Your husband did not need to know and if your MIL took the other babies loss hard then she may have found it too hard to tell him when he was younger as kids like to ask questions and tell other people their personal lives. This was her trauma to deal with and you took it like it belonged to someone else.
I don’t think your husband ‘had a right to know’, it’s not like he has a long lost brother somewhere out there.
This was his mother’s loss/trauma, certainly not your story to tell.
If I were in A's position I would not violate my mother's privacy like that and I would also not want to burden my sister in law with something I know she'd probably feel compelled to share. So in fairness, I do feel like she put you in a tough spot.
Because if you had kept this to yourself and your husband later found out you (amongst everyone else) knew but didn't tell him, he'd probably feel pretty hurt.
But then, telling him knowing that this is third hand information about your MIL who you aren't on great terms with, not knowing if she had plans tell him herself in her own time - that probably wasn't the right move either.
Rock and a hard place I guess but there's no turning back now, what's done is done and you just have to deal with the consequences of your choice.
You really should have sent him to his mum directly for her to tell it.
And how did you husband react?
Honestly this is your mother in law's loss and trauma and you're trying to make a thing out of it decades later for what purpose? You sound dramatic and like you're trying to create an issue out of something that isn't your business.
Lol, how utterly petty.
But how is it any of your business? Like...this was your MIL's story and business. Did it create more family drama?
A, B , A & B had me all confused on this post. Your poor husband,why did they not tell him.
But I also think someone is taking the spoon and stiring the pot.
Have you ever played Chinese whispers? How bad and silly would you feel if in between half the alphabet passing on messages to each other the story got messed up? Happens more often than not in these situations. When I was pregnant with my first I was showing all signs of twins and even my Dr told me she wouldn't be surprised if it's twins. I lived remote so had to wait for a scan but in that several weeks of waiting I was excited at the thought of twins so I couldn't help myself and told a few people what the Dr said. Then somehow it got twisted and the rumour was that I was having twins. All through my pregnancy I had to keep telling people there's only one in there and I fully regretted telling those few people what my Dr said.
I don't think you did the wrong thing.
Your sis-in-law did by not keeping it confidential.
You were handed information without asking for it.
I think it would be worse if down the track your husband found out and then found out you knew this all along and didn't tell him.
I would speak with him and say the only reason I told you is that you didn't want to hold that information from him given that you didn't ask to be told it and that you'd rather be open and honest than hide it from him.