So today my teenage son was sick, I decided to tell work I will not be coming in, no big deal work is fine and supportive except my husband he said staying home looking after him was making him soft and I need to stop babying him. I get paid for time off so that’s not the issues. I tried to ask why can’t I stay home all I get is you never get it, you never understand. Our poor son apologised for being sick. I don’t understand what I have done wrong i hardly stay home I am lucky to have 5 days off of sick for myself and kids, ( I also have a medical condition) and all morning he been sending messages mocking me and saying it’s all my fault we had an argument cause I shouldn’t come back at him. I thought a husband would be proud to have a wife look after the kids and work but mine never is. I can’t seem to do anything right. He hates I take holiday leave without him he is like if I don’t need a break from work why do you. I honestly can’t remember the last time he complimented anything I did. If I say oh I am so tired it’s been a busy day he will tell me oh so I don’t work hard do I, I am not tired only you hey, I can never tell my feelings as I get the same thing. Am I wrong for feeling unloved.
10 Replies
He sounds outright jealous! He's envious of the attention you are giving your son. He's jealous of you having any time off work "without him", he's jealous of anyone getting attention other than him! It's quite childish behaviour really. Maybe he is struggling with communicating feeling unappreciated as well?? but does not know how to verbalise that in an adult conversation. Maybe next time he says this remind him it's not a competition and that you're supposed to be a team and work together as a family. You can both be tired! He sounds somewhat controlling and exhausting.
Spot on with this i reckon!
I guess carrying the financial load is just as stressful as carrying the housework/children load. It might be him being resentful if he's the kind that goes to work no matter what so he can pay x, y and z so feels a bit used when he sees you've used a sick day to look after a teenager. Just another take on it, whatever is happening you could both do with communicating with each other a lot better. Neither of us take holidays from work without discussing it first so we can try and get the same time off. We don't see each other as it is so we wouldn't take holidays at different times, we are a family so use the time to go away and make it worthwhile.
sounds like a bigger issue like he doesnt like the way you parent?
maybe he feels you arent preparing your kids for the next stage of life?
do you give them chores? teach them to be independent?
you need to sit down and discuss it, get on the same page.
Na this guy is a manipulator, you can tell by the rest of it. You can’t get on the same page as someone like that.
He sounds awful to me. Sending messages ridiculing you and saying don’t come back at him or that’s what you get? No, don’t put up with that. A disagreement is one thing but 1. It’s your work and your sick pay so your decision. And 2. Ridiculing and making it huge isn’t ok and most of all - you feel your busting your butt doing it all but can never please him, that’s what they do to keep you down.
Yuk what a sook. My husband would be the opposite and would hate it if I wasn’t home with my son when he was sick, no Matter the age, I wouldn’t leave my son home sick. He sounds super jealous and controlling. You need to start taking days off for yourself, stuff him, who’s he think he is.
It’s not unloved, it’s being controlled and manipulated. He is installing self doubt into you. He is all about himself. You need to pull him right up on this and show him that you will not put up with it. Stand up to him. Take Another day off and catch up with a friend and enjoy yourself. He sounds like a selfish man child.
Wow what a jerk! I am so sorry he's doing this to you.
You absolutely did the right thing by being there for your son.
You are also allowed to be tired from work, have a hard day, etc. You absolutely matter and I can see why you would feel like you don't to him.
This is a him problem, not you
What a dead set shit husband! I’ve been a stay at home mum for 16 years, I have a casual job but my hubby loves that I’m home for the kids. He prefers me not to work but also supports that I need/want a casual job as well for my sanity 🤣. Not once has he ever said anything that your husband has. Stand up for yourself, if you don’t then no one will! He’s being a dick. tell him to pull his head in or he’s gone.