I have been married for 30 plus years, with three grown up kids, a couple of grandkids and we are empty nester. We always had a pretty good sex life, until peri-menopause really lowered my libido, about 10 years ago or so. I had a hysterectomy about 18 months ago, and honestly we have probably had sex 6 times since then.
10 years ago, sex became a routine for my husband... 10 rubs down there, 6 squeezes of my right nipple and that was the end of foreplay. That or plunge dry fingers in and wiggle them around a bit.
I know that I'm 90% to blame, honestly I'd be happy to never have sex again - but I would like it to at least give me some pleasure.
I've tried showing him what I want, but he doesn't understand or doesn't really care.
I've tried to initiate sex more, but it's just more of the same, and I just do not enjoy it.
Has anyone been through this and can offer some advice?
How do I tell my husband I need more from sex
How do I tell my husband I need more from sex
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
2 Replies
Tell him honestly that you're not enjoying it and you need more effort and more foreplay. Tell him it's because of your messy hormones if that makes you feel more comfortable bringing it up.
And if he tries to shove it in before you're ready, stop him. Tell him you're not ready. And if he sulks, stop it right there. Tell him you're not in the mood anymore.
A couple of cases of blue balls should drive the message home.
I just went through this for 8 years. I ended up just giving him the most boring sex out or just ignoring his every advance. It was so boring and nothing much in it for me..... it took 3 months but he got the hint that he wasn't getting any of it until he could show me he wanted to please me as well. I also started looking for toys and started showing him what I was planning on buying because I needed more pleasure.