My partner of 18 months (we live together) has to travel over 20 hours drive from our home to his home town for the funeral of his brother who he has not spoken to for many years.
He is asking his adult children and younger child who lives with his mum to go for a drive down with him stating “they haven’t seen my family for a lot of years”.
May be selfish of me to think this but wouldn’t you want your family to meet your partner if you have a serious committed relationship?
Back story is he tends to do a lot of things with just his family whereas I ask him to come to everything my family has.
I don’t know how to bring it up with him that I would take time off and go if he asked me to.
Advice on relationship
Advice on relationship
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
6 Replies
I'd say 'I'll get leave and come to be with you'. Simple. If he doesn't want you there he'll tell you
Maybe his kids don’t like you or maybe he likes time with just them. Either way , speak to him and ask him. Tell him how you feel
Does he see him and his kids as ‘family’. If he doesn’t get on with his family that’s one reason - the kids don’t get dragged into that and he’s using the opportunity so he doesn’t have to go again cos they’ll want to see the kids. A funeral is also ugly, he may not want you there or he may know it’s not the time to introduce a new partner to family. It’s for the funeral and probably for him to support his family and make decisions and sort things out. The kids will be a good company for the drive and a good out for him when he’s there and uncomfortable.
Would you going mean there wasn't enough room in the car? Even if he has 3 kids, 20 hours is a looong time to be squished in the back with 3 people if you went! I think just leave it, it's a funeral. No offence to you but I think all his relatives that he hardly sees would want to see his kids rather than his gf of 18 months. It's also hard to go away with adult kids as they have their own commitments so if he has that opportunity why not take it?
Personally, I don't think a funeral is the time or place to be introducing a new partner to the family. To me it's distasteful and not particularly considerate of people's grief. His children should definitely be there with him as well.
I also know I wouldn't want to be meeting my inlaws for the first time while they were mourning and at such a somber event. Very uncomfortable!
Another thing I can tell you from experience is that grieving someone you were estranged from is quite a mix of emotions, so perhaps doing the whole meet the family thing is something he just doesn't have the energy for right now. It's also possible he has a bit of a weird family dynamic, my brother and I have both been there - something that should be exciting is actually really stressful.
Express that you'd really love to meet his family soon but let him do the funeral how he sees fit.
I see my family 17hrs drive, just kids and I.
It sounds selfish but I can personally give all my attention to family and not worry about hubby and if he is ok.
Dads funeral hubby flew down for a couple of days for the actual funeral, but I worried about him being left out because he didn’t know anyone, family were not in the mood to get to know anyone.
Our oldest was 5 years old at the time so hubby had been around for a long time but I was the one who moved away.
The kids were a nice distraction for everyone.