I’m looking for tips on how others manage difficult behaviour in 4-5 year olds. What are age appropriate consequences for hitting, yelling and being rude to mummy. This is happening daily and I’m not too sure how to handle it. Explaining that it is not very nice, doesn’t seem to be getting through. Thanks in advance
3 Replies
I use natural consequences, I find a stroller or trolley is great so if they don’t do *explicit instruction* then they have to sit in the trolley/pram. They hate it. Or walk holding my hand. Wait two minutes then praise them and start fresh, remind them they can do it.
Remove from the situation, even for a chat or a quiet stop or a calm walk around, often disrupts them long enough to turn it around.
Feed them. Lots of snacks. busy hands and minds. Distraction, sitting calmly,and this could be solving the problem all in one go.
And model tone and volume, so when she’s yelling, bring your voice down and turn it around from your side. Say the feelings you can see ‘I can see you are frustrated/sad. You are crying and shouting. Would you like a hug? A toy to cuddle? Let mummy help you’
When she hits you remind her of the rule, again say her feelings out loud to her, and deescalate or leave the situation.When calm you go over why you don’t hit, how you wouldn’t let anyone hit her and nobody should be hit. Go over her feelings that you named and how they make us feel. Hot head, clenched fists, beating heart, teary eyes, etc , offer alternatives. A big hug, a bath/bubbles, getting a drink of water, but remember you can not hurt people.
Consequences and alternatives, its ok to be angry but its not ok to kit, yell, scream, it is ok to go and jump on the trampoline or jump on the spot though. Consequences, time out to calm down, no television or take away a favourite toy, when you show you can be nice and behave nicely you can have it back. All age appropriate but don't let it go, little people problems carry through to big people problems.
We do time outs. Depends on how old they are for how long. 5 year old gets 5 minutes. Straight in their room for dangerous behaviour like hitting and then warnings if it’s not dangerous. I always tell them why they’re going into their room ‘It’s time for a time out because you are being unsafe’. Then when the time out finishes talk about what happened and why they are in there’s if the behaviour is repeated we hide the devices for a while.