Is this normal???
My husband rarely wants sex, he is too stressed or has been drinking and not interested.
He admitted that he “takes care of business” himself. This deeply offended me as I am here in the flesh and he doesn’t bother even trying with me! He says he is thinking of me when he does… umm, not buying that! 🙄
Is this a guy thing? I don’t feel wanted, attractive or loved due to this 🥹
Husband pleasing himself!
Husband pleasing himself!
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
6 Replies
My husband does the exact same thing. I’ve also found he’s been watching home made videos of us while taking care of himself while I’m going to bed alone every single night. There is no physical affection anymore either and I feel like I’m wasting time being with a man like this. Life is so short to be unhappy. And before anyone jumps down my throat I too have spoken to him about this and he becomes very angry very quickly and literally tells me to shut up and walks away.
I don't think pleasuring ones self is bad in general but when the person isn't interested in being intimate with their partner then it is an issue.
Sometimes it is just quicker and easier to get yourself off. In saying that though, I would be extremely upset if my Husband wasn't interested in having sex with me.
Have you tried initiating sex? Could he be depressed?
Honestly this is my husband and I hate it.
We've spoken and I've expressed how it makes me feel worthless and unattractive and he still does it.
I've come to the realisation that this is my life, I'm not important and I'll just look after myself.
He gets really pissed if he wants it and I don't I tell him I've taken care of it.
So I'm sorry I don't have any advice, but you're not alone.
Umm I know lots of women who talk about pleasuring themselves. Before marriage they used to too, it didn't suddenly stop when they met their other half. Then there are other times they enjoy being intimate with their partner too. I do not think the issue is him pleasuring himself. The issue is you have taken it personally because there is less intimacy in your marriage. Please do not beat yourself up and allow it to contribute to how you feel about yourself. It's time to focus on you and work on that confidence. Your self-esteem does not need to be tied to any man ;)
I have no advice but wanted to say that I am going through the exact same thing. My partner very very rarely initiates sex and turns me down a lot of the times when I initiate it, I actually think that we would very rarely have sex if I didn’t initiate it at all. He prefers to have a wank to porn than to be with me. It is killing me. My self esteem is in shatters and I feel so undesirable and unlovable. I have spoken to him about it many times, he knows very well how I feel but nothing changes. But it’s not just limited to this area of our life, I will always consider him and his needs first and even when I blatantly ask him or tell him that I want to do something etc, he just ignores me or “forgets”. I give him very regular BJs and handjobs (like 3-5 times a week) with nothing in return. I know he loves me, but I don’t think he is attracted to me at all. I am working through this with a therapist at the moment as I also have PTSD from a previous relationship with a porn addict so this is a very hard issue for me.
To be honest, I want to leave and be happy again but I can’t seem to do it, it feels too hard and complicated and I really don’t want to hurt him.
Sorry, it became a rant but sometimes it’s good to know you’re not alone.
I cant believe all the comments and sad faces here.
First of all, if he wants to masterbate he absolutely can and should. He does not need to include you every single time he wants to get off! If you want to masterbate then you should feel free to do it without him as well. Sometimes you can do it seperately and sometimes you can please each other. It is not personal and your bodies do not belong to the other person. It is your body and you choose to share it with a partner. If you are feeling unfulfilled then explore some new toys or positions. Try changing things up - give him a hand job, a blow job, a quickie in the shower, mutually masterbate, even just a massage and a snuggle. It doesnt always have to be P in V. If he isnt interested that day then feel free to go take care of yourself.