Child support - what’s the best way?
My ex husband and I have been separated for 5 years, have an 8 year old boy and almost 11 year old girl together.
Ex husband and I have both moved on with new partners. I’ve been with my partner since 2019, him with his since 2020. He has moved in with his girlfriend into her house that she bought with her Mum approx 50mins from us (the kids have to share a bedroom also which I’m not happy about considering they’re approaching pre teen years, 1 boy 1 girl). I am now engaged to my girl, who has moved into my rental back in 2020 with me and the two kids, and we have a great family dynamic. Our combined income is probably $140k in this household (with full custody of the kids), his combined income would be (assumed only, not sure) $180k or higher, definitely not less than $180k (without full custody of the kids).
Original plan financially (when we had single incomes only) was that he would pay $150 weekly to me directly to help with OOSH fees and living costs for the kids. He always pays on time. Both of us hold down full time jobs, so usually need before/after school care etc. The original plan, he had them 2 weeknights every week, and then rotating weekends (60/40 split), and 50:50 school holiday split. Since moving in with his girlfriend, due to the distance from school - he has now decided to have the kids for every second weekend only, no weekdays (80/20 split). We still split all school holidays 50/50.
We are mostly amicable... A few disagreeances, but we keep it mostly civil. Especially in front of the kids. We quite like the new girlfriend (well, 1.5 years into the relationship, so not exactly ‘new’, but you know what I mean!), but the ex husband can be a manipulator and has a tendency to put me down in a flash and make me feel like I overreact to EVERY situation. I hate trying to discuss things with him regarding the kids… his responses are exhausting. We have shared calendars so that he can see what’s happening with the kids; the kids have free reign to call him anytime they wish (not that they choose to call anyway), and we all attend soccer games each Saturday and Sunday together (dad only comes to the games that fall on his weekends out of necessity to get the kids there).
Since he has dropped his weeknight custody, he pays $50 extra a week, for the 2 nights extra each week that they’re with us. In total, $200 weekly for 80/20 custody split (I think that’s what it works out to be). We split most additional costs (ie uniforms, dental, medical) as it comes through. But that requires me taking tabs of what I’m spending, for what, and then pestering for his input which always feels shit - it’s like I’m asking mum or dad for money and I hate it. Then he disagrees on what needs to be spent (ie. daughter starts high school in 6 months. I’m adamant that she will need (and deserves) a new laptop for her high school requirements, he’s adamant that she can use the 2 year old laptop he has lying around that doesn’t hold battery charge unless continually plugged in.
Question is - would I be worse off if I lodge through child support and have them work out the amount he should be paying? Is $200 weekly a lot, or too little? I can’t save a dollar with our current bills, my fiancé and I are trying SO hard to save for a home deposit, and can’t get anywhere with a savings. yet he’s living in a rich area, in a place that they mortgage together (ie asset), and he has money spare to take the kids on holidays during school breaks. I can’t take the kids anywhere because I have nothing spare…
Currently, daughter is about to start high school. Need to buy expensive uniforms, new laptop, phone so that she can let us know she’s safe going to/from school to each day, needs braces, son has medical stuff happening and needs O.T and who knows what’s next for him (trying to diagnose issues). I feel selfish expecting for more input from my ex, but am being told constantly by friends/family that his $200 weekly doesn’t cover his end of this situation…
Should i put through a child support lodgement to make it formal and correct pricing, or should he just pay more? Or should i just be grateful for what he’s already paying? From your experience, what would be considered a reasonable amount with this situation? I’m worried to lodge a child support in the event it may cause more angst and make things less amicable, but right now I’m resentful to him for not helping more to raise our kids. They deserve better, at both of their houses.
Thanks
8 Replies
I think you should be grateful. Honestly work with him and this and understand it from both sides. Juts because maybe his partner may have money that they can take your kids on holidays. Be grateful that your kids get these experiences.
$200 is quite a lot, if you go through child support you may not get that much. Stop listening to your friends also, it’s not their business telling you what you should or shouldn’t get. I think you need to cut down on the spending and expectations. Your children must be going to a private school. If you can’t afford that, then try public and free up your money. Stop thinking about what your ex does and has. It’s really nothing to do with you now as long as he is paying the min amount you are entitled to.
I am not having a go at your here but I think he has been fair. You could get your daughter a cheap phone also $50 just to call you on, if she needs one. Organise with the school that you can’t afford one or ask your ex to go halves in one for a bday present or Xmas present.
Buy second hand uniforms. I did. My kids go to public high school and I find it too expensive, so I went for the second hand and checked out market place. I think if you work together with him finding cheaper ways then it will work for both of you. Just stay in the same lane here wit him. You might think he can afford it but you have a partner too, so he prob thinks you can. At the end of the day, work together and keep everyone else out of it. $200 a week, is fair I think.
If you haven't registered with child support yet then yes you should. You can still keep it as a private agreement if you wish. CSA should tell you what they recommend he should be paying. This is what you would get if it was CSA collecting on your behalf. Partners incomes are not taken into consideration with CSA, only Centrelink, so the CS amount will only be worked out on yours and his incomes. If you earn roughly the same or you earn more than him then he may be paying more than what is needed and you're getting a good deal as far as child support goes.
I don’t think you realise but he maybe actually already paying you, more than he is legally required. I think your family and friends need to keep out of it. I would leave it be as it is. Perhaps you could organise him to have the extra during the holidays or make up for it over the Xmas holidays.
You are presuming his household is taking home an extra 40k then yours. That’s how his affording the holidays ect. Child support do not factor in both of their incomes, only his. I would stick with what agreement you have in place as if an agreement is done through child support he legally doesn’t have to pay you a cent more. That could see you having to Cove the costs of uniforms ect with the child support rather then having him continue to go halves.
You can do a child support estimator on the services/ Centrelink website. It’s pretty accurate.
You can use this online calculator to estimate what you could be entitled to in Child Support.
https://childsupportaustralia.com/calculator-estimator/
It only goes on your and ex's incomes. Not household income, so neither of your partners incomes will be included.
I feel like $200 per week/$800 a month is a lot and he is actually paying. There are a lot of parents that even don't bother paying CS
It sounds like you want more money because you see his lifestyle being better than yours. $200 per week plus half of other things is more than you will get through CSA, if its through CSA technically that's it and he doesn't have to pay the extras. I have 100% and don't get half of what you get. This is a case of bettering your situation through your choices not getting more from him.
I think what you’re getting is more than fair! You can go through child support but he has absolutely no requirement to pay for costs outside the CSA assessed amount. i.e. they may assess him to pay $250 a week (example) and that’s it, no half schooling, medical etc!
First of all, child support isn't calculated by combined incomes. So the figure of $180k is not what child support would be assessed on.
Secondly stop comparing your lifestyle with his. On $140k, it really comes down to your choices whether you can take your kids on holidays or not...and for all you know, he could have credit card debt coming out of his ears!
The child support hes paying would be more than you'd get from CCS. Put the $200 away each week amd.in a month you'll be able to pay for a laptop. Honestly, shes 11, she doesn't need the top of the range.