I have come to realise that I'm 40 ish and I dont have any friends like real friends. I see people's posts on Facebook of their birthdays and they are out lunching with a group of friends or having coffee, lunch dates, or girls trips with a bunch of friends. I have never done this. I had no big 40th due to covid lock downs but I thought who would I invite other than family. I couldn't think of 1 single person that I thought was a genuine friend that would come. I don't have friends post old photos of fun things we used to get up to as I have never had real friends. I'm a busy working mum. My hubby has friends and is always planning catch-ups or nights out or fishing trips and when he says why don't you plan one I often ask who would honestly come. If I go out for coffee I go alone same with shopping and girls trips have never been on one. Sometimes I'm lonely and if we do catch up with "family friends " kids parents etc I always think oh gosh I talked way too much I bet they don't like me, or I'm too loud, I don't dress well enough. If I don't talk too much next time perhaps it'll be different then if I don't talk they think I'm a snob. I. Always worried that no one likes me or I'm not good enough I don't know. I don't even know what I'm asking really but why don't I have friends at 40. I work part time and am busy with kids and sport and hubby works full time. It's really quiet depressing to think I have no real friends I don't think anyone would actually miss me if I disappeared. Can this change or am I destined to have no friends ever am I just a dislikable person that no one clicks with. I often wonder is there something wrong with me. Advice sure throw it at me as I'm stumped. Sorry for the long whingy post.
6 Replies
I feel you.
I am the same, always think 'acquaintances' are friends but I'd doubt they would catch up outside the scenario.
I feel lonely a lot of the time.
Makes it harder when my husband is a loner and loves it.
He hates surprise visits and wants to sit around every night and weekend enjoying his own space.
It sounds like you might have some social anxiety and may also be be neuro diverse? Things like ADHD and autism (presents very differently in women) will make socialising and connecting with people hard. Ask for a referral from your GP to a psychologist and ask yo be tested. Knowledge is power and once you understand who you are, you will be able to accept that you might not be broken but just different.
I feel the same. I’m 40 this year and in my mind had plans to have a birthday party, but then realised the only people I’d be inviting are my kids 😂 I laughed but it makes me sad a little.
I’m single, work part time (but not with work colleagues as I travel direct to clients and have never set foot in my work office in 9mths), my daughter has a disability and needs 24hr supervision to ensure she does all her feeds or she doesn’t do them (she’s 16 and tube fed with Autism). My oldest kids day sees them twice a month for the day, my younger kids dad is supervised contact (but regular and consistent).
My closest friend (and probably my only friend) is a heavy drinker and so her weekends are spend with her other friends getting wasted, where I don’t drink at all (no reason but just don’t like too). So when she’s attended things, she leaves within the hour to go drinking with friends.
I’m told I’m a great person, but due to my caring responsibilities most of those ‘friends’ have pulled away and I don’t see or hear from them because I can’t go out when they want me too.
I’m now socially awkward, get anxious meeting new people and have become very comfortable being alone for days at a time with no human contact bar my kids except the clients I work with. It’s like a flick is switched and when I’m working I’m confident and chatty and meeting me clients, but come my personal life I literally freeze and can’t talk to new people 😂
I wasn’t always like this, I think years of now being alone for long periods of time and an inability to go out without my kids has really taken a toll on my ability to make new friends 🤷🏻♀️
I hope you find your group soon though. I hope that one day when my kids are bigger I’ll find mine too.
First, talk to your GP about anxiety. Medicate it, either chemically or using cabbanoid oil. You can get broad spectrum without THC.
Then if you don't have one, get a hobby or join a sport. It's a great way to meet people.
Lastly, get comfortable solo. Don't miss out on things because right now you don't have people to share with. I've been going to gigs solo for over 20 years now. I'm not missing out anymore just because noone I know wants to go. Furtherest I've travelled for a concert is a few hundred kilometres. I get a cheap motel room and drive home the next day.
I bought myself a small caravan and joined both solo female travelling FB groups and mixed camping groups. For the past 3 years I've been on 2000km round trips each year to go see somewhere new for a week.
Those are the things that interest me, I've also flown Brisbane to Canberra for 3 days to see an art exhibition, I've flown Brisbane to Yulara to visit a mate living out there twice, I've taken myself out to see a ballet. I go out to pubs or restaurants for a meal and will be the only person in the room solo, and I own that shit. It's all an exercise in confidence building.
Confidence attracts people.
Authenticity attracts people, don't be what you think others want you to be. Be true to you. If that means you talk a bit, so be it. A quiet person like myself welcomes someone else doing the bulk of the talking. Your tribe is out there girl.
I know people with massive "friend circles", they can't be alone even though most of their friends are acquaintances.
I am exactly the same 43 and no friends everything I do is with my kids. I just don't feel comfortable in social settings and I over think everything I also have anxiety and depression and I think everyone hates me and I can talk alot. I just feel nothing I talk about anyone is interested in. My partner also has no friends and is just happy to sit home and watch tv which I find so boring. I feel it's gotten worse as I've got older .
I don't have many friends
One best friend
The others are my wifes friends ( same sex marriage)
Which I don't mind at all
And I only met my bestie 8 yrs ago ( in hospital)
I do love my own company at times
Can U join a sport
Volunteer or woman's group
Ect
I do hope you find what your looking for