From Anonymous - Advice needed
Couple together since high-school- the man a virgin/ the lady not
Together 22 years married 15 years - 2 kids
Over the past 22 years husband has been caught with different messages or photos on phone between other women - that hasn’t gone past the online stage
Uses alcohol daily and Physical once when under the influence
Wife always faithful
Husband doesn’t like wife going out with friends on her own - prefers her at home- but wife enjoys going out - husband barely goes out - thats his choice doesn’t arrange to
3 years ago - wife offers to have a threesome with another woman (not known to them) so husband can be with more then just his wife- without an affair, hoping to get all the sneakiness out of the story
Husband is disgusted in the offer- and for the past 3 years keeps bringing it up- accusing wife of wanting a threesome for herself not for him - constant round and round arguments
Husband finally agrees to counselling for himself - and admits possible anxiety and depression - however after first session comes back with all questions surrounding the threesome suggestion
Wife feels that in the 22 years she has put up with so much- yet the focus is on the 1 thing she did wrong in his eyes - suggesting a threesome
What advice? Worth the fights and counselling or just leave? Who do you think is in the wrong ?
5 Replies
You can’t live with, or fight with, with someone that’s going to tear you down for years over your words. That’s second last paragraph is the key. He’s going for her character and she’ll never change his mind, because if it isn’t this it’ll be something else.
He has anxiety. If my husband offered the same for me, my anxiety would absolutely make that something I couldn't let go of easily for the same reasons. This sounds like counselling and maybe medication for him is very appropriate. But it's a snapshot. There may be bigger things at play?
So online messaging affairs and physical while drinking - I assume you mean violent?
Why the hell would you stay & put up with these things??
There are so many DV services out there, please reach out & get some help.
Also, the threesome - you were offering to engage in a sexual act that you DIDN'T WANT to do, in the hope that he won't cheat on you???
Have a look into trauma bonding (basically Stockholm Syndrome). It sounds like this might be your thing.
I dont get why he thinks the wife is the bad one here when all she did was suggest an idea, and yet he's out there messaging real women? He sounds very unhappy and like he's projecting his pain onto her.
He needs a wake up call to realise his problems are HIS and not hers.
I get she wants to help him through it but I would suggest she sit down with herself and really set her boundaries and stick with them
Good on ya wifey u got the right idea ur husband must be a cockhead