Can someone please help with how to deal with my partners ex,
she is constantly using the kids against him to have some sort of control over him, playing games an using the kids is so wrong.
I haven't been sleeping as I care to much, but just feel like giving up in the kid as she so confused an I feel like I dont want to make her feel more damaged than she all ready is I don't have the strength to keep fighting for her (13) when she feels like she cant upset the narc mother but actually enjoys her time with us.
The narc mother is constantly askin people do they know me an then calls my partner hoping she has new information of my past trying to infest in his ears.
To which she hasn't succeeded. He shuts her down every time. We have stopped answering her calls as she starts by talking about the kids but I always end up the topic.
She hasnt moved on an its been 5 years .
Always using Facebook to validate that she is a good mum when she leaves them unattended for days at a time.
When do the games an using kids as collateral stop ?
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3 Replies
Your partner gets mediation and a parenting plan in place. And insists that all correspondence from the mother be an email, unless it's an emergency.
And you just make sure the child knows she is loved and wanted at your house.
And ignore all the bullshit from the mother. If the child says thing like "Mummy says......" then you just say "honey that's just not true" and leave it there.
You have to ignore the shit and be the bigger person for the kid. She will realise eventually what's going on.
I'm in the same situation, and once we started doing the above, the mother got bored & moved on.
I'm sure she's still filling the kid's ears with bad stuff, but we can't stop that, and we're sure as hell not going to probe the child or do the same thing to him.
Once the parenting plan was in place, it was easier to say "the lawyers say you have to come here on these days"
And that removed the guilt from the child, because he felt bad about leaving Mum.
When he follows through the steps and stops giving her the access or time. I mean, she’ll continue her bullshit forever but there is a place you can get to where it won’t affect you or the child. This is not good for the child and ‘giving up’ is no solution. You can definitely step out but it won’t make it any better for the child so he has to deal with it eventually.
Narc mothers don't leave their kids unattended for days at a time because they use their children to validate their existence, are accessories and something that attracts attention or drama to her. Neglectful parents leave their kids unattended and if that's the case, refocus on their best interests which may involve child protection.