How do I help my best friend, who is a Horder. They are forever buying things, it doesn't matter if it's broken, torn or stained, weather it's needed. They raid opships, even the bins. All of these things are not needed, or useable, and they just sit in boxes or simply scattered around the house. Lately, they house absolutely discustingly filthy. It stinks like stail urine as their kids are not night dry., I honestly think there not changing sheets. They are seriously depressed but I can't get them to talk about it other then, I don't want anti depressents. I don't know how to bring up the house with out losing a friend. I avoid going there due to it. They don't have many friends, none their close too
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I think this kind of borders on mind your business and report if you're concerned for the kids welfare. It won't hurt to report if you're concerned but being a busy body and telling them they are depressed and to go on meds is overstepping.
I never once told them to go on meds, we have talked about their MH, they started the subject. We talked meds and they don't like how they feel on them.
Would you really not want to try and help your best friend? Would you simply just irgnore their struggle and watch them fall deeper and deeper into a dark place. Would you not want to do everything you can to help befor bringing welfair into it..? Would you really report your best friend before offering them some form of help if the children were not in immediate harm.
I think you are an amazing friend for wanting to help them.
Hoarding is a mental health problem. Unfortunately you can't force them into getting help and they may sink lower.
If the children are in danger then my opinion is you have to report. They have no voice of their own & need adults to stand up for them. Hopefully this will mean your friend will receive support to improve and look after her children properly.
I'll add the kids are not in danger, they are quite spoiled with love, and affection and get everything they want and need. Their fridge and pantry is full. They are always in clean clothes.. I never told them they were depressed, they told me. They don't like how meds make them feel. I don't see myself as a busy body, this is my best friend, who has been through so much of late. I hope that if I was ever in their position some one would want to help me, even if I wasn't ready for it.
If she's not ready to tackle her mental health yet, there's nothing you can do to force her.
You can offer some practical help though.
Offer to change the kids sheets and pop a load of washing on or do some dishes or run the vacuum over - any chore you can observe that needs doing, ask her if you can help her.
If she refuses to let you help in a practical sense and won't address her mental health, I feel like you have no choice but to report this. It is neglect to let children live in a squalid home, doesn't matter how nicely they're dressed, how much food is in the pantry and how loved they are. Sleeping in soiled sheets and living amongst filth is detrimental to their health.
Please call DHS!! The kids need clean beds and a house they can enjoy. It might be the only way your best friend will get help
I have a close friend who spends a lot of time at my place because hers is so dirty and she has two small children and I always express how ‘clean home clean head’ helps me to keep on top of things because this phrase helps me when I’m struggling and I know my mental health declines if I let my house go
As a person who grew up in filthy, unsanitary conditions with a hoarder mother.. please please please make an anonymous call to child safety and think about your friends mental state secondly.
The poor children who are living in those conditions, to no fault of their own are the ones you need to be thinking of right now.